Despite hundreds of relationship experts and how-to books, the divorce rate still hovers somewhere around 55%, and the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher -- roughly 70% -- and those divorces occur in half the time.
Now, what really causes divorce? Really . . .
Most often it's thought to be "irreconcilable differences." But put more bluntly – it's the fantasy of love and marriage that wins out over actual everyday reality. And it's no accident.
Why? Because very few people receive any formal training for
effective dating or how to co-create a successful marriage. So we either rely on images from the movies, from romance novels, or from our fantasy about what other people are experiencing. And that fantasy becomes our love and intimacy blueprint.
In fantasy, love is effortless. Two people are always "perfect for each other." What that actually means is they are just alike. But in real relationships, in real life marriages, there are always two distinctly different people joining their lives together.
And why is that a problem?
Well, in our informal surveys, taken by a show of hands at our relationship trainings,the evidence is that approximately 95% of the time, childhood conditioning produces negative attitudes and expectations toward people who are different from ourselves and our families. Those early teachings recede into the unconscious, but they continue to frame our view of others and the world.
Then when we venture out to date and eventually marry we come face to face with the fact that, no matter how much you have in common, when you get into a relationship you soon discover the many ways you’re different from each other.
Everybody knows that. But, given our unconscious programming
against differences, most of us are threatened by those differences. Then we use them to trash each other, lashing out, damaging or destroying what might be very good relationships.
Or we imagine that our partner will change. The differences will disappear. But they don't. They can't. Because differences are inevitable. They cannot be avoided or ignored. But that doesn’t mean that they’re bad. In fact, those differences are exactly what you need in order to have the kind of fabulous
relationship everyone wants.
Making your relationship the most fabulous it can be does NOT mean changing your partner - or changing to be just like your partner - so that the two of you can be “perfect for each other”. That’s not what we’re talking about. Your relationship can ONLY be fabulous when you value, respect, and understand each other, accepting and embracing the differences between you, and realizing that’s what makes everything worth it. Without those differences, your partner would be exactly like you. You’d be falling in love with yourself and nothing would ever change. Is that what you want? We doubt it.
So to divorce proof your marriage and keep real romance alive and thriving, maintain your fabulous connection by taking to heart this simple tip with a huge outcome: Enjoy the magic connection of your differences.
Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski invite you to
receive more of what you want by getting their
bonus program "The Power of Receiving" -
Just go to http://www.judithandjim.com/receiving
Husband-and-wife psychology team and Internet marketers Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D. pioneered a heart-based approach to Soft Sell Marketing. They’ve taken
that approach into producing “Bridging Heart and Marketing” - their unique, first-time-ever Internet marketing conference dedicated to the specific needs of the Soft Sell marketing community - for whom the typical hard sell "hype" doesn't fit.
By Soft Sell they’re referring to all the personal growth, healing and life-enhancement providers who market services and products. Unlike typical hard sell tactics, Soft Sell Marketing reinforces a caring and trustworthy relationship between marketers and the prospects and customers they want to attract.