We know the drama of domestic abuse from the outside looking in, as it is popularized by the media and by entertainment mediums. But the silent insidious inner deaths that take place are more pervasive and, and in some cases, more debilitating for the domestic abuse survivor.
What are the inner deaths of domestic violence?
1) You are not the source of your peace. Your well-being does not and cannot come from within; rather it is a function of your interpersonal cooperation with your abusive partner.
2) Your instincts, your inner knowing, your inner voice lies, cannot be relied upon and must take second to information provided by others...by others vested with control.
3) Your dreams, hopes and aspirations are games you play with yourself; thus, you must not invest your resources in these inconsequential past times.
4) Enjoyment and pleasures you derive in your life are made possible by opportunities and experiences given to you by your controlling partner. The long and the short of this is: you do not have the keys to create your own.
If you encounter any, or all, of these four deaths within yourself while in your relationship, seek to look at the larger dynamics of the relationship. Such deaths are fundamentally you enlisting in your own ultimate psychological demise.
Seek to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships and the subtle communication patterns of couples entangled in domestic abuse. Doing so could help you prevent any or all of the four inner deaths domestic abuse survivors frequently know.
For a deeper understanding of what keeps emotional verbal abuse going and ultimately what stops it, visit www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. is founding director of nonprofit Partners in Prevention, dedicated to helping domestic abuse survivors and their advocates. © 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.