Women say, I was glad when he hit me, because I finally realized what was on my plate. I finally got it. This is abuse!
Do you need the altercations in your home to become physical before you can see them for what they are? If so, you could be making your remedy more difficult, more debilitating, than you may imagine.
Each time a verbal assault occurs, is neutralized, rationalized, forgiven, swept under the carpet, the elephant that forms under the carpet gets larger and larger and larger...until the day comes when it’s so large we trip over it.
Allowance for Verbal and Emotional Abuse
The verbal attacks and emotional blows are simply another medium of battering. And some people will tell you that the scars of these wounds can be as destructive, if not more, than those of physical abuse.
When on the receiving end of verbal and emotional abuse from someone you love, it is easier to create “permissions” by our own internal denial mechanisms, even though we may know the verbal and emotional abuse are “wrong.”
The psychology here is the two contradictory behaviors—emotional verbal attack and multiple expressions of promise, caring and perceived love—are cancelled out by the person on the receiving end, all with the hopes of starting anew. Yet, when physical abuse creeps into the picture, a whole new level of rationalization must take place for the couple to move forward in the abusive relationship.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse Maintain the Threat of Physical Abuse
Once they do move forward in the relationship, the emotional verbal abuse can be used to sustain the abuse dynamic. How and why? Because, the use of the verbal assault serves to remind the victim that the big blow is right around the corner. This knowing invariably complicates the survivor’s dealing with the abusive relationship. What happens is it keeps her in the corner for longer periods of time.
If verbal abuse or emotional abuse knocks on the door of your relationship, see it for what it is before it spirals into physical abuse. The sooner you do, the easier it will be for you to remedy the conflict you live in your home.
Copyright 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
If you're wondering if the emotional verbal abuse you encounter is indicative of intimate partner violence, I invite you to visit Prevent Abusive Relationships Or, see more insights about emotional verbal abuse in Domestic Abuse Dynamics. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., helps people recognize, end and heal from emotional verbal abuse.