The Childless Scarlet A: Healing from Family Violence and Legal Domestic Abuse

Some wounds are so severe that words cannot capture their complete pain. Being pushed out of one’s children’s lives or the lives of your grandchildren is one of these.

When this is yours, the depths of it take your breath away. I hear women tell me the cries that come out of them over their initial coming to know this pain sound primitive...like a wailing animal.

How well I know as I lived that blow nearly a decade ago. And it changed me, as I believe it does to all who walk this path. The question one faces along the way is—How do I go on?

This article can only be written from the place of extending a hand to those in the nightmare, not from the nightmare itself. If you know this wound, if you’re walking this path, trust you can get to the other end of it whole.

Here are some things to do and thoughts to embrace to weather the unbearable.

1) Know that it’s not about you. Now I do realize when you’re in that place of feeling the blow, these words sound trite—especially in light of the fact that the world is supporting it being about you. But, the fact is that it is all about those insisting it be the way it is...and no one else.

2) What you do in and from this place of pain redefines you and your life direction, so make it good. Make it useful. Make it something you will enjoy and you’ll be proud of now and later.

3) Realize that you are not the only one impacted by the primal injury. The children on the other end of this separation from you will have their work cut out for them. And when you reunite with them, should that happen, you will need to pick up from where you are, not where you left off. So again, make it good.

If you are a parent or grandparent denied access to your own flesh and blood, be good to yourself as you heal from the unthinkable. As you are to yourself, so will you be to others. And as you are to others, so will they be unto you.