To understand and accept fear, we must first embrace the concept that we experience fear because we are in our ego.
Most fear, or fear disguised and justified as ‘worry’ will never actualise, it just will not happen.
If the feared outcome does happen, then it will happen, it is what it is! There is likely little you can do to change the outcome unless the fear is about your personal safety or health and you have been remiss in taking appropriate steps to alleviate the risk.
Understand fear is mostly thoughts of the unknown, or possible consequences or events that may, or may not, ever take place. Once an event actually occurs, that fear is usually no longer present. If fear is present after the feared event has occurred, it is further thoughts of the unknown or possible further related events, in other words new fears.
Accept that these are only thoughts, fear is not usually reality. Learn to control these thoughts with unemotional detachment. Reflection is an important tool to achieve this detachment. Take your fears, imagine them to be a small movie and play them through to their possible conclusions. Now you will be able to see what the fear really looks like, and you can begin to take control of yourself and your thoughts by also seeing how you would face this situation if it occurred. This will become easier to do with practise.
Write down a plan of what you would do in the event your fear occurred. Once you have a plan, you will feel more in control.
I knew a lady who lived her days afraid that "something" would happen to her husband, always worrying away at the back of her mind. If he was late, she feared that things had occurred to him. Nothing did occur in a negative sense, until he was 75, and died suddenly of a heart attack right beside her! She had missed many years of total happiness over thoughts of events that never came to pass! She argued with him about being a few minutes late, she harassed him about wearing the right clothing, piloting a small aircraft, playing golf in bad weather. Many unpleasant minutes added up to many unpleasant hours they spent in conflict together, that could have been better spent enjoying each others company.
How much better those years could have been for both of them. Imagine the additional wonderful, happy memories she would have had to sustain her!
A common fear is flying. If you are afraid of flying, the reality is fear of crashing, injury and death - not a fear of flying! It is the same with every fear, it is just thoughts of a possible negative outcome or event.
Many surveys tell us that the most common fear that humans have is public speaking, can you imagine that? Many people are more afraid of speaking in public than starving, crashing, burning, divorce or death. If you are afraid of public speaking- What are you afraid of? That your audience will eat you? Not very likely! That they will laugh at you? So, laugh at yourself with them, and they will stop and love you for your humour! That they will fall asleep? Who cares, that doesn’t matter to you. That they will criticise you? Well if they do, listen and learn and just get better and better each time. I have written some additional articles on public speaking which will be published soon.
Meditation will help remove the fear of death. As that is most often the ultimate fear, this will aid the control of many other fears.
One last comment. The more you fear something, the more likely you will be using negative power to create the very thing you fear!
As a note of sanity, I am not talking about the fear that you would have if someone has a gun at your head, although the fear is the same ( you are afraid of being hurt, dying etc) there are very few people who can control fear at such a time of real and immediate danger. Of course, the more you can hide your fear and appear calm the less you will agitate your predator, they often feed on the energy from your fear, it is their satisfaction. I have personally been in several very dangerous situations, where my calm rational approach has meant I have been able to leave the situation unhurt.
In this article, we are looking at eliminating and managing everyday fears and concerns that are not an immediate danger to anyone.
You are Amazing – Stay Cool!
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Copyright 2009 Terrie Anderson
Terrie Anderson is the author of The Little Red Success Book and The Essence of Truly Great Leadership. Terrie has had a very successful corporate career and also coaches and mentors a very small group of people throughout the world. In 2009 Terrie Anderson will be available again for speaking engagements for public or corporate events. The Little Red Success Book has just been released as an online version.
You can contact Terrie Anderson at terrieanderson.com where you will find The Little Red Success Book ,her blog, opportunity to register for membership and a contact link.