7 Steps To Healing Your Wounded Child

The "wounded child" is an archetype containing negative emotional patterns of our youth. You have a blocked or damaged archetypal pattern when you allow your wounded child to run your life. You find yourself attracting the same repeated pattern of negative experiences in your adult life. You also know if you are when you find yourself constantly retelling your story to others about the hurt and trauma you suffered as a child. Your mind is like a tape recorder, that keeps playing the same story over and over again. In all probability, you identify very much with the lyrics to Michael Jackson's song Childhood....

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood I've never known...

Here are the steps to healing your wounded child:

1. Understand Your Childhood Programming. You may hold dysfunctional self images through the stories of your childhood. Childhood programming is largely influenced by your caregivers, who represented the world to you while you were young. Thereafter, you form relationships based on what you learn from your parents and other caregivers. Your parents had learned about theirs from their parents. So it is in you that you have got accumulated layers of beliefs, patterns and behavior passed down from generation to generation.

2. Recognize Repeated Life Patterns. Yet, as much as you have sworn not to be like any of your parents, you find yourself unconsciously displaying the same patterns, behavior and attitudes. Consequently, it is no surprise that you end up in a similar life situation to theirs. You may not recognize it at first but the pattern is the same recurring theme of trauma.

Negative patterns essentially bear the same emotional pain energy even though they may take on different forms. For instance, a history of sexual abuse can translate into emotional abuse on our own children. Rejection has a root cause in abandonment years ago. Anorexia, obesity or alcoholism can be traced to negative self images perpetuated by our parents during our younger days.

While there are the rare courageous few who rise above their traumas, the vast majority of us carry the wounds of our childhood around. The same patterns manifest in every aspect of our lives, at home; in the office; in the relationships we have with our spouses, parents, kids or friends; or even physically.

3. Acknowledge Your Pain. If you have not already done so, healing the wounded child requires you to first fully acknowledge the trauma and hurt that you have suffered. You recognize that much of your hurt currently has a root cause in your childhood. Many of your actions are largely driven by fear and may no longer serve you.

4. Disengage in Self Judgment. You do not judge yourself harshly either. You recognize that the behavior, attitudes and beliefs adopted as a result of your childhood programming have helped you to cope and navigate through a confusing period during your growing years.

Your wounded child has no awareness of spiritual lessons. He or she does not understand that the negative experiences hold information about how we can choose to better relate to the world. The wounded child wants to stay angry, hurt and vindictive even. However, as long as you allow your wounded child to be in the driver's seat, you will not be able to operate without fear.

5. Embrace The Wounded Child. Embracing the wounded child is an act of love. Looking back, you realize that you have been forced to grow up too fast. In a way, you are compelled to leave the little child behind; so that you can cope with the pace of growing up. The child that you left behind never did have a chance to play and to be free.

While it is not possible to turn back the clock, an act of visualizing yourself embracing your wounded child now is an important symbolic gesture to mark self acceptance and love. You also intent in your heart to no longer ignore the needs of your wounded child. Self care means caring for yourself so that the wounds of the past no longer hurts you. You realize your need for healing because you are only hurting yourself, most of all, when you carry the baggage around.

6. Practice Courage. You may initially feel resistant to releasing yourself from the pain of your childhood story. You have identified with it for so long that you suspect you will feel lost without one. You need someone or something to take the blame for your current dysfunctional self or life. You are filled with a sense of righteous anger towards your parents, family or friends for the person you have now become. Giving up the story is going to put you in great discomfort.

Well, you need to understand that it is your ego's need to cling on to a form, a story. Your childhood story is essentially a collection of thoughts of the past. You have to realize that you cannot hope to create an empowering life if you do not first release your attachment to an old script. You need to stop feeding a “poor me” mentality.

7. Free Yourself Through Forgiveness. Healing can be made through acts of forgiveness. You have to forgive wholeheartedly. You not only forgive yourself but all others who have contributed to the situation that you are now in. Taking one or two steps back allows you to see that your parents have also been emotionally hurt as a result of their own childhood experiences. They have unconsciously inflicted on you what they have suffered as children.

Indeed, the wounds of your inner child can create much havoc in the relationships you have with yourself and others. Through healing, you confront the archetypal force within your psyche. With confronting rather than stifling the voice, you release the little child. The process to forgiveness is not easy, I know. It all boils down to choice. You need to decide which you would rather have: continued pain or ultimate freedom?