In my years as a therapist and Stress Management Coach I have spoken with a lot of single men and the subject that has them stressed out more often than not is the dating 'game'. While they have their lives together for the most part, good jobs, a vehicle, their own place to live, leisure activities, and good friends, they seem to become almost paralyzed with fear at the prospect of dating.
Sure dating in this day and age is stressful, what with all the game playing involved even though what women say they value most is honesty. I find that women will often play their own games. It's no wonder why men are stressed around dating. I thought I would provide some ways to rethink the dating game so that when stress does come up, you are better able to deal with it.
Something that I think is very important to understand is that you should be absolutely clear about what your expectations are when you start out on your quest. Are you looking for a casual dating relationship where you are not dating someone exclusively? Are you looking to have casual sex without having an exclusive relationship? Are you looking for someone to have a long term relationship with where you are exclusive? If you are not clear yourself about what you are really looking for, you will not be able to relate that information to your potential dating partners and that is what leads to a lot of stress and hard feelings in a relationship. One person has a totally different set of expectations and if you are not honest and open about what they are you will not be drawing to you the woman of your dreams. There are women out there who want to have casual relationships with men too so please don't think that you have to be dishonest with a woman to get what you want out of the relationship.
One fear that I hear from men is that there is a lot of pressure around sex, when it's acceptable to approach sex, and if they are going to 'live up to' all the past men that women has slept with before, especially if the woman is 'hot'. Well, the news is that women have these thoughts too. What it comes down to is again self confidence. If you understand that you can be yourself and not some image of another guy then that's half the battle. Get to know each other first, and look at the subject of sex as natural so you can speak from a place of respect for the woman and self assurance. Ask her what she wants to do and then respect that. If she starts to play games around sex then ask yourself if that's really who you want to be with.
The best thing that you can do is be open and honest about things and then follow through with the same actions. Understand that you should not be anything but yourself, from the first date. If you try to mask who you are or play another role, eventually your house of cards will come tumbling down and that can cause much resentment from a woman, and women talk to each other. Who wants to be in any situation where you cannot be yourself? That in itself is way too stressful. And don't you want to have a truly dynamic relationship with someone who is a great fit for you?
If you start dating a woman and she is not the right fit for you be honest but respectful about it and let her know that the relationship is not good for you, too many people are in bad relationships because they either don't know how to let some down respectfully or they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings. Life is too short to be in a bad relationship and there are lots of women out there, and the right person for you is out there waiting.
Stay positive, respectful, honest and authentic and you will have no problem attracting the woman of your dreams, without the stress.
Cheryl has been a certified clinical counsellor for over 12 years. Her experience and education are in the areas of counselling, developmental disabilities, mental health and addictions. Cheryl also holds a specialized forensic certification in the areas of high risk sexual behaviours and anger management. In addition, Cheryl also has many years of experience and training as a Spiritual Coach, studying spiritual philosophies under the guidance of Buddhist Monks.
Cheryl uses a diverse repertoire of skills that enable her to guide individuals so that they can foster healthy, positive and sustainable change in their lives and foster the ideal vision of their existence.
Cheryl adds a component of spirituality to her practice in respect to positive and negative energy flow and how our thoughts, emotions, and actions relate to whether we manifest positive or negative influences in our lives. Using her spiritual philosophy for many years with successful results, Cheryl now incorporates this as well as other diverse spiritual aspects in her counselling to help people manifest their ideal lives.
Cheryl has also practices in the area of women's issues and what we can expect in our developing lifespan. Her outcomes have produced positive results, as well as sustainable change.
With two years of nursing, behaviour modification, augmentative communication (the study of non-verbal communication), and three years of pharmacology education, Cheryl is proficient in related areas of overall health and wellbeing.
As well as counselling and coaching, Cheryl also conducts workshops and seminars pertaining to elements of behavioural change as well as motivational speaking.
You can contact Cheryl at www.integritycounsellingservices.com or 416-919-9831