Recently I got a phone call from the distraught mother of a potential groom. This mother called me because her son was supposed to get married in just a few days, and was suddenly getting cold feet and telling his mom that he wasn’t sure he could go through with it.
Her first question to her son was “Do you love her?”, referring to her soon to be daughter in law. The answer was an immediate YES! The next question was “So what’s the problem?”.
It turned out that the problem was her son’s doubts about himself. What if he failed miserably at marriage? What if he was a terrible husband? What if he couldn’t make his wife happy? What if he went though all this big wedding stuff, and ended up getting a divorce? As his wedding day drew near, he was feeling more and more inadequate about his ability to be the kind of husband that he wanted to be.
The nervous bridegroom was scared to death that he would let down the woman of his dreams, the woman that he loved with all his heart.
His anxious mother asked if I would be willing to do a session with her son as soon as possible. Once I had determined that she had spoken with her son about EFT and he was open to doing a session, I said yes.
As we began our session, and the bridegroom spoke about his feelings, we began tapping on:
“Even though I love ________ with all my heart, I’m really scared that I’ll let her down…”
“Even though I really want to marry _________ I’m afraid that I won’t be the husband that she wants me to be….”
“Even though I’m scared that this marriage could end in a divorce, and I really want it to work…”
The bridegroom started to feel a bit more relaxed, and spoke about the thoughts that had come up during those rounds of tapping, so we moved on from there.
“Even though I feel like a phony sometimes, and I’m not sure I’m the person that ________ thinks I am…”
“Even though I’d rather die than to hurt or disappoint ___________…”
Next we worked on some reframing of the situation.
“Even though I’m afraid that I’m not going to live up to _________’s expectations, I’m willing to consider that I could be wrong about that, and maybe I’ll be a great husband for her…”
“Even though I’m wondering if I’m really the right man for ___________, I’m open to the possibility that maybe I’m exactly the right man for her, and we’ll have a great marriage…”
“Even though I seem to be focused on all my shortcomings, I know that __________ loves me and sees a lot more good in me than I see in myself, and I’m willing to try looking at myself through her eyes…”
As things started to shift for the reluctant bridegroom, he started feeling better about himself, and much less nervous about the upcoming marriage ceremony.
We worked for a bit on building his self confidence, and on helping him to take his focus off the negative and put it on the positive. We ended on a positive note:
“Even though I’m still a little nervous about the wedding, I know that it’s the right thing for me to do, and I really love _________ and I know she loves me, and this is going to be a wonderful turning point in our lives…”
The day after the wedding I got a thank you phone call from the mother of the groom. She told me that although he had a few butterflies, he went through the entire wedding and reception with a big smile on his face, and the entire family was now looking forward to this new chapter in their lives.
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Pat Burns is an EFT practitioner in Tallahassee, Florida. Contact Pat at pat@EFT4adoption.com