Few times in a man's life are as miserable as when he realizes his relationship is about to be destroyed. Men being men, this is often the first time that they actually love her - the moment they realize that she'd going to leave. Men are commonly not expected to have great skills in managing their romantic affairs, a supposition borne out by the often stupid reactions many men have when they realize that a breakup is imminent.
This article was written to consider three very popular recommendations for getting over the pain of a breakup. Many people who've been through breakups have tried these approaches and advocate them.
1. It's human to mourn when we're confronted with tragedy
It's a societal expectation that men not cry regardless of the reason. Many men seriously think that it's unmanly to shed tears in front of a woman. We know better than that nowadays. We know that crying offers a normal, healthy release of pent-up emotions, and that it's a relief available both to women and to men.
There should be no feelings of guilt associated with mourning over a lost relationship. If you feel like crying because of the pain of the breakup, go ahead and cry - there's no disgrace, and if your girl sees you, it may show her a side of you she's never seen before.
2. Focus on tomorrow's potential, not yesterday's pain
If you're still mourning your old relationship and hoping to be able to get back together with your ex, you're going to short-change any women you try to get involved with. Of course, before recognizing that the old relationship is dead, it's appropriate to try your best to rescue it, if that's what you really want. Identify those things that she said caused the breakup and, if possible, correct them. Make some changes to your physical appearance as well - get a haircut in a new style, get some nice new clothes, and let her know just how much you love her.
You may get her to relent and stay together, and you may not. If it wasn't meant to be, then it's for the best that you don't succeed in making up - you'd only have more troubles later. But for now, you've got to accept that it wasn't meant to be before you're ready to embark on the next adventure of your life. It will take time, but you'll be able to get over her, and when you do, you'll be able to get involved with another woman completely. There's an old proverb "There are plenty good fish in the sea." Walk around the streets of any good-sized town or city, or a suburban shopping center - there are gorgeous women as far as the eye can see! Your next love may live across town - or she may be a neighbor. She may be a perfect stranger - or an old friend. One thing's for sure, though - if you're not over your old relationship, she'll be able to tell just as surely as if you were wearing a sign around your neck saying "still involved with someone else!"
3. To err is human; to forgive, divine
One of the most powerful actions you can take in this life is to forgive someone who's injured you. When you forgive your ex for breaking up with you, you lift from your own heart the burdens of pain, betrayal and jealousy that have encumbered it. Our behavior and actions are motivated by our emotions, and if someone's constantly feeling the pain of a breakup, it's going to affect all his other interactions with people. That's why it's crucial to get rid of them.
They say that love and hate are part of the same emotion. If your soul is tied up hating your ex, you'll have nothing left to give a new woman - and so it's just better for you to forgive your ex.
Steve Steiner enjoys helping men deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with women and helping them form successful relationships.
If you found the information in this article helpful and you'd like to learn about other ways to handle a breakup, then check out Suviving a Breakup Guide and Reviews of the Ex Recovery System.