Boundaries: Why Do Some Therapists Take On Their Clients Problems?

While people often do everything they can to protect their property, the same can’t always be said about themselves. In the collective consciousness, there is a general understanding that one needs to protect their property.

And this is not because people can’t be trusted or that everyone wants to cause damage. What is often comes down to, is the fact that people need to be informed as to where they can or can’t go.

When it is not clear where someone’s property begins and where it ends, other people are not going to know where they are allowed to go. It then won’t matter whether they have the intention to cause problems or not, as there is nothing to inform them.

Human Beings

A property will be protected and it will then be clear to others; it is then up to other people as to whether they will respect the boundaries that have been set or not. But as they have been set, one will know that they have played their part.

However, although people are aware of how important it is to protect their property, the same level of awareness doesn’t always exist when it comes to how important it is to protecting themselves. And if one doesn’t let other people know what is acceptable and what isn’t, they’re going to set themselves up to suffer unnecessarily.

What Goes In

So having boundaries will allow one to protect their personal space and to stand their ground. And as human beings are inherently vulnerable, it is vital that they’re able to say no when they need to and that when they say yes, they actually mean it.

Another part of having boundaries is that one will be able to decide what enters their mind and what doesn’t. And as the mind is like a garden and what enters the mind is likely to grow, this is of paramount impotence.

Responsibility

It is easy for one to get weighed down with responsibility and feel as though the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Just as one can renounce all responsibility and believe that they’re not responsible for anything.

And when one is aware of whey they begin and end and where other people begin and end, it is going to make it easier for them to know what they’re responsible for and what they’re not responsible for.

Assisting Others

When one is in a position where they’re assisting others, it is going to be important for them to empathise with the people that they work with. This means that one is able to connect and to feel the other person’s pain and at the same time, they’re able to detach once the session is over or shortly afterwards.

Another approach would be if one was to sympathise with the people that they assist. Here, one is not only connecting to what the other person is going through and feeling their pain; they’re going a lot further than that.

An Analogy

If one is in a position where they have no money, they could find someone to talk about what is going on for them and how they can move forward and/or they could receive money from other people. And as long as they heed the advice they’re given and don’t rely on the handouts from other people, there is the chance that they will be able to change their circumstances.

Alternatively, people could not only offer their advice and financial support, but they could also give all their money away. This means that each person is now in the same position and there is no difference.

What This Shows

The first example reflects what happens when one empathises with someone and the second example is what happens when they offer their sympathy. Ones boundaries have disappeared and one has allowed themselves to feel responsible for what the other person is going through.

In some cases, this could cause one to become consumed with doing all they can to ‘fix’ the other person, it might shape how one feels even if they are not in the presence of the other person and it could also cause one’s life to fall apart, amongst other things.

Stepping Back

There is only so much one can do to assist another and while they have a certain level of responsibility towards the other person, they’re not completely responsible. But while this much is true, there is something within them that is causing them to feel as though they are responsible for what the other person is going through.

What’s Going On?

In some cases, people develop their ability and the desire to assist others when they’re growing up. Perhaps one was made to feel responsible for their caregiver/s during their childhood.

On one hand, this will have caused one to develop their ability empathise and to tune into the needs of others and on the other hand, it would have caused one to feel that they’re responsible for other people.

Identity

Their identity was then built around being there for others and this is how they would have felt accepted (loved). As a result of this, their self worth would have been attained through what they did and not for who they were.

So while these early experiences have given one the ability to assist others and to empathise with what they are going though, it has left them wide open. Their lack of boundaries is one part of the problem, and the other part could be that one’s stuff is being triggered.

Stuff

What the other person is going through could be triggering what one has not yet healed within themselves. And if one has become disconnected from what is going on within them they might not realise this and this could cause them to get caught up in what is taking place externally.

Awareness

One way to move beyond this would be for one to take a step back and to question what they believe. What they believe may have been relevant when they were younger but as time has passed, this is no longer the case.

Another route would be for one to check in with their emotions and to see if they need to do any emotional work on themselves. How they felt all those years ago may have remained trapped in their body. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.