Do you ever feel bogged down by being too good? It happens all the time and it's dangerous! Being too good can be deadly for your health, creativity and relationships. Fortunately turning this around can be great healing fun.
Each week I talk with wonderful men and women who are being too good, too reasonable, too dependable, too predictable,too adult for their own good! And yes, it's a pattern that lurks up on me too!
Now of course, a certain amount of goodness is admirable. I am all for responsible parenting and keeping our agreements, doing our good work in the world and helping our planet.
But when you're being too good you can do all the right things and not get anywhere. Being too good will dry up your creative flow, and bog you down in the mud of should-ness You can be left feeling empty, sad for no reason, unproductive and numb inside.
You can't help anyone very honestly if you lose touch with your deeper true self. And when you are too committed to being good that's just what happens.
Marie Von Franz, a brilliant Jungian analyst and author taught that when people are too identified with being good, they lose touch with their instinctual nature.
When you lose touch with your instinctual nature you are cut off from your vital source of creativity, health, joy and wisdom.
Being cut off from your instinctual nature is deadly to your immune system, your happiness and your relationships.
Truth is, most of us adults do tend to be too good for our own good, at least some of the time.
When someone asks you what you want, do you have trouble even knowing?
Do you say ever yes and then feel resentful, because you really didn't want to do it but didn't feel you could say no?
Do you remember the energy and vitality you had as a child and wonder wistfully what happened to that?
When you say no do you feel guilty and feel compelled to give lots of excuses so people will not think badly of you?
Is your life too tilted toward dependability, solemnity, duty, daily tasks, ordinary thinking, being right or I-have-to with too little play, spontaneity, silliness, and I-want-to?
Has it been too long since you laughed until you cried?
When you get hurt emotionally or physically do you suck it up and keep going?
Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself?
Do you often feel critical of yourself if you think you are being silly, ridiculous, bumbling, awkward, standing out and even wrong?
Do you often feel critical of other people who are silly, irresponsible, childish, wrong, spontaneous or unpredictable?
If you answered yes to any of these- then you are too good for your own good!
But never fear! Your instinctual, wise, creative nature is close by ready and eager to reclaim its place in your life!
And actually this instinctual, wise, creative nature is your real goodness. This is a deep goodness of your true nature that you can trust. Let go of the Being-Too-Good Trap that is based on external expectation and trust your true deep goodness to guide and delight you.
Here are a few suggestions for ways to re-enliven your life by breaking out of the Being -Too-Good Trap:
1. Notice when you feel a little naughty. Are you hurting anyone? If not, give your naughtiness some room. Let it come out and play.
2. Practice healthy selfishness.
3. Say no when you don't want to do something. Say it kindly and with no explanation.
No, I don't want to do that.
Or
No, that doesn't work for me.
4. Dance naked.
5. Block out time on your calendar for doing what you want. Make a play date, art date, or do- nothing date with yourself and keep it.
6. Ask for help.
7. Receive help.
8. Wear something weird in public, like an usual hat, or a rabbit or pig nose.
9. Eat a meal with your hands. Go ahead and make a mess. Invite friends and make it a messy party.
10. Eat something you shouldn't eat and revel in it, savor it, let yourself totally love it.
11. Skip down the sidewalk.
12. Get together with friends who help you laugh and be silly and play.
13. Notice when you criticize other people for being too goofy, childish, irresponsible, flakey, etc. Let yourself take in a homeopathic dose of whatever it is about this person that bothers you. A homeopathic dose is a very small amount. Take just the right amount for you - to help rebalance your pattern of being too good.
(Bonus: When you can give yourself a bit of the quality that really bugs you, you may find that, as if by magic, you no longer feel critical of the other person!)
14. Notice a character in your dreams or imagination or even in movies or books who is your Antidote for Being Too Good. Put a picture of this one up on your desk or your mirror to remind you of the qualities you are in need of.
15. Hang out in nature and let yourself learn from a wild being- a tree, the ocean, the wind, a snail, a cloud, a river. Let your thinking mind get soft and cloudy and open your dreaming, imaginative mind. Hang out with it, receiving its beauty and wisdom. Notice what this natural one would like you to know. What advice would it give you? Let it teach you new ways of moving and being in the world. Be sure to give thanks. Feel it as part of you.
Are you sometimes too good for your own good? How does it affect you?
What things help you reclaim your creative, wise, playful, instinctual self?
Enjoy breaking out of the Too-Good-Trap and you will find new vitality, creativity and happiness available to you.
Soul River Guide, Lea Houston, M.A., helps heart-centered entrepreneurs, artists and healers replenish their souls so they can bring their greatest gifts to the world.
Sign up today to receive your free weekly Replenish Your Soul Monday audio meditations at ReplenishYourSoul.com
Start each week replenished and let your life flourish! You can’t save the world if you’re running on empty!