Society, at least as it was when I was a young adult, expected that women should and would get married. In fact, women still didn't really even have to worry about having a career - as long as we married and had a man to take care of us. And heaven help us if we made it into our mid to late 20's and still found ourselves single!
Well, it happened to me. I was 30 (yep the dreaded 30) and no prospects. I was on the edge of becoming an "old maid"! So what did I do? I signed up for Matchmaker. The older versions of Match.com or Plenty of Fish. Only instead of meeting online, I would receive an introduction in the mail and then the two of us would make contact. Yep, not only was I "old" and almost beyond the desirable marrying age, I actually had to hire someone to help me find a potential mate! Could it get any worse?!
Well... yes, it could. My very last introduction, we dated about 3 months before he proposed. Of course I said "yes". After all, did I really have any other choice? And even though there were big red flags waving in front of me, we married and upon returning from our honeymoon, celebrated our one year anniversary since meeting.
Twelve years and two babies later, I was finally able to admit I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I had to admit that I only married because society expected it. I had to admit that I was afraid that another proposal would not have come along! I had to admit that I was never "in love" with the man I married. I had to admit that I could not even recall really happy moments shared in that 12 years. I had to admit that I wasn't living, but was just existing. I had to admit that I would rather my boys come from a divorced family, than have them grow up in a loveless one. I had to admit that the ONLY good to come out of the marriage were my two boys.
As tough as it was to admit those truths, it was also the most liberating. I was free! It was the start of a whole new phase in my life. The divorce process was not fun and it took me several years to regain MY identity. But, I've done it and I like who I am, where I am and where I am headed.
To all of you out there contemplating marriage, know that it is more than just a fancy wedding. It is one of the most life changing events you can experience and not one that only affects you! So stop and think, be as certain as you can that you are saying "yes" for all the right reasons. Don't let society, peer pressure, being afraid of becoming an "old maid" or the crazy cat lady or any other outside forces pressure or sway you in one direction or another. Follow your heart, but only after consulting your head! Don't settle for Mr. Close Enough and find that you are with Mr. Wrong after it's too late.
Next time, if there is a next time, for me it will be because I am madly in love and for no other reason!
I am 51 years old and I have survived divorced!
I grew up in a large family. I am the youngest of 7 (for my Mom) the second to the youngest of 8 (for my Dad). My parents divorced when I was in kindergarten. I grew up in government housing not knowing each day if we would be having dinner or not. My Mom worked full time, but made just enough to get by. So, I was determined that I would be financially able to stand on my own two feet before I even considered getting into a serious relationship.
I was 31 when I finally took the leap into marriage. Twelve years later, I found myself with two wonderful boys and going through a divorce. Divorce is something I don't wish on anyone, however, I do feel, that for me, it was much better than remaining in a loveless marriage. Admitting that I married for the wrong reasons and then having the courage to correct it, was a huge turning point in my life.
I have now been divorced for 7 years (February 2015). Each year getting easier and easier as I strived to rebuild my life and get me and my life back on track. Three more years and I will have complete freedom as both of my boys will be 18.
Best of all, I love who I am, where I am and especially where I am headed!