11 Simple Techniques to Cope with Grief during the Holidays

Dealing with the holidays while you are grieving for a loved one can be stressful and emotionally exhausting. For most of us the holiday season magnifies the absence of the person lost. You may feel that long-held traditions can never be the same or could be awkward. It can be sad shopping for gifts and seeing something that you know a departed loved one would have really enjoyed. Preparing yourself emotionally for the holidays and evaluating what they mean to you, plus developing a coping strategy before the holiday season can help. Here are a few tips for developing a plan:

1) Prepare: Prepare yourself emotionally. Let yourself know that it is OK to feel sad. Share your feelings with friends and loved ones beforehand. Let them know what you feel up to doing. Let them know specific activities you may not be able to handle. Take time for yourself, but do not become isolated.

2) Develop a holiday plan. During the most significant days of the holiday plan where you’ll be, who you will be with and what you will be doing. Take your own car if possible; this allows you to be in control. Perhaps plan something completely different than your traditional celebrations. As long as you have goals for the coming weeks it will be easier to stick to them when you are dealing with up and down emotions.

3) Find small distinctive things to do: Your loved one can still be part of your holidays through small symbolic acts. Light a candle every night and send your loved one a sweet prayer. Hang a stocking for your absent loved one. Write a letter to him/her expressing how you are feeling. Talk about your loved one to others; remember fun memories. Ask friends and family to make a donation to a charity in his/her name or to put a note of remembrance in his stocking. Consider getting a gift for a child who might not otherwise get one or volunteering to help with holiday meals at a soup kitchen or shelter.

4) Socialize: Being alone can often make grief worse. Go out and find new things to do with friends and family. Search for holiday events that are happening in your city. This could be anything from ice skating to a craft fair. Surrounding yourself with loved ones can alleviate holiday pain and make the days go by faster.

5) Take care of you. Do things that relax you or that you just enjoy. Get a massage, talk to a grief specialist like myself. www.eftjoanne.com Watch uplifting or funny movies. Read an inspirational book about dealing with loss or finding inner peace. Get lots of rest. You do not have to take care of everything, even if that is/was your role.

6) Get Moving: Take care of your physical well-being; staying still is terrible for your energy. Even though it can be difficult, get moving. Take a walk with a friend, go to the gym, swim, ride a horse, walk your dog, do something that makes your body move for at least 30 minutes a day.

7) Light: Gloomy winter weather can really impact grief during the holidays. Get out and walk or read in the morning sunshine. Morning sun is important; it gets you started, reduces depression and helps with sleep at the end of the day. If your weather does not permit this, check out full spectrum lighting options at local retailers.

8) Give to those less fortunate: Donating money or volunteer your time. It’s a great way to step out of your own grief. Seeing the impact you can make by helping others is very powerful and healing.

9) Stay Hopeful: Think about things you would like to do in the coming year. Make plans for a trip or to accomplish some goal. Do something new every year. It can become a tradition. Think about doing something that you know would have made your loved one smile. Consider starting a journal and recording the process of moving into your new life. Many bereaved eventually learn to enjoy the holidays, often in new and special ways.

10) Feeling Moments: Notice something pleasant, think of something you are glad about, bring to mind what makes you feel cared about, bring to mind someone you like. This is a wonderful exercise; when nice emotions appear take 15-20 seconds to allow the feeling of contentment, joy, beauty, happiness, the smell of a good cup of coffee, children laughing, the sun touching the mountaintop, something sweet to permeate into your body. When the good moments arise, and they will even in the worst of situations, take that moment and expand it, feel it inside you, hold it there for the count of 15, then take a deep breath and continue on through your day. By allowing your body to feel the good you will actually be rewiring your brain to feel better. Give yourself permission to see the small stuff, and little by little you will be seeing the big stuff too.

11) Adopt: If you have room in your home and heart consider adopting a shelter dog or cat. They will pay you back with love 10 fold and they don’t care what you look like, if you have bad breath or if you are having a bad day. An animal companion can soften your sadness and remind you that love is still in your world. You just have to reach out and touch it.

Remember, grief is normal and shouldn't be avoided, but don't let it consume your life. If you find that you are dying for your loved one, ask yourself; “How can I live for them instead?”