Do you feel like your relationship isn’t the same it used to be? Sure, maybe those butterflies from when you first started dating aren’t there anymore, and that’s normal. But if it seems like you and your spouse are just out of synch or if some serious conflict is threatening to tear your marriage apart, you might want to be on the lookout for these 3 relationship killers that could actually be driving your husband to cheat:

Neediness - Although the days of Cinderella and “happily ever after” are long behind us (and really never here to begin with), many people these days look for a relationship to “complete” them. The leads to a heavy dependence on the opinion of your partner or the well-being of your relationship.

When someone feels responsible for your emotional happiness, that is an incredible amount of pressure placed on them. Neediness is actually the inability of one person in the marriage to take responsibility for their own emotions. Understand that you have the power to be happy even if your partner isn’t.

Sometimes, we can lose touch with ourselves to the point where our internal emotional compass is difficult to read, but with practice and effort you can begin to manage your own emotions without deferring to someone else.

Controlling Behavior - On the opposite side of the coin, you may be on the road to trouble, if you seem to be nagging and criticizing your husband at every opportunity. If every time your husband sees you or thinks of you, he is reminded of all the perceived faults and shortcomings he has, it’s no surprise that the magic in the marriage just isn’t there anymore. When your husband feels this way, he’s much more likely to become infatuated with the next woman he meets who actually does make him feel good about himself.

Although nagging or controlling your husband may get the job done, realize that it may not actually be the best approach in the long run. Sure, it may get him to take out the garbage or pay the electricity bill, but is that worth the possible damage to your relationship?

Instead of relying on nagging or controlling behavior, sit down and talk to him about how you feel when he doesn’t follow through with what he says he will. Don’t do this as a subtle way to control him, but rather as an honest discussion about how you feel. Once he understands how his actions impact you, don’t be surprised to discover that he’ll do things without being nagged at all.

Not Taking Responsibility - It’s easy to look at your husband and see all the things that he does to damage your marriage. Maybe he had an affair, doesn’t spend enough time connecting with you, or avoids talking about difficult situations. But remember that he is only half of the equation in the marriage.

You are the other part. If he has an affair, is it possible that you may have contributed to it by being emotionally distant with him for too long? If he doesn’t spend time connecting with you, is it possible that it might be because he feels like you don’t actually listen to him? If he avoids talking about difficult situations, is it possible that he feels you are too judgmental?

It is important to also look at how you are behaving in the relationship and not just at your husband’s actions in isolation. Remember, that a marriage involves two people and both people hold some responsibility as to whether the marriage succeeds or fails. Ask yourself how you might be contributing to the problems with your husband.

So, these are the 3 big relationship killers that can drive your husband away from you and may even cause him to have an affair. If he feels that he isn’t getting his emotional needs met or that the two of you are drifting apart, he may quickly become infatuated with the next woman he meets who satisfies all those needs.

Author's Bio: 

If you want to learn more about surviving an affair, please check out my list of recommended marriage therapy books.

Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.