No matter whom committed infidelity, once it’s out in the open it is devastating to everyone. It is hard on both parties the perpetrator and the victim. This is most especially true when there is still a lot of love in the relationship. Some things that can help you overcome the emotional devastation of infidelity are below.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Just because infidelity happens doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. The person who made the mistake isn’t trying to say they don’t love their partner and the person who was cheated on can still love the person who has broken their heart. It’s just going to take a little bit of time and patience on both parts to get through it.

Many people take the first door out when they find out about their partner’s affair, or they walk out the door if they’re the guilty party. Why? Because of fear, they fear the work that lies ahead and it seems easier to just leave. Don’t make this assumption. Instead, be open about your fears and feelings so that you have a chance to work it out.

Acknowledge Fault

If you are the one who has committed the betrayal of infidelity it’s up to you to take the brunt of the blame. You must not ever blame your partner for your choices. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues in the marriage that need to be addressed, but right now you cannot think about them. You’ve put a huge chasm into the relationship that needs to be at the main forefront right now.

Therefore, you need to accept fault. You need to not only state such to your partner but you must believe it within your heart that only you are at fault for the affair. Only you choose to take that step and now you’ve made whatever issues you had as a couple worse, not better, due to your actions. If you can accept that, you might both be able to get through this emotional devastation.

Cut Off the Relationship

There will be no moving on from this affair if the person who is an outsider to your marriage remains in the picture. If this was a work relationship it might be more difficult but the person who had the affair needs to do all they can to find a new job and cut that person out of their lives completely. Having that other person around will make things a lot harder for your relationship.

The wronged partner needs to give their partner time to get this part right if it’s a work relationship because you have to be realistic about income and money. But, it’s not wrong to demand that a new job be found within a particular time frame. This is going to be imperative as the relationship moves forward.

Find the Root Problem

After some time has been taken to reflect on the affair and the perpetrator has taken the brunt of the blame, the fact is, if you don’t want it to happen again – the root problem has to be discovered and worked out if the relationship is to survive. Plus, it will help with the emotional turmoil to work through your relationship in a new way.

Putting your relationship first takes work. You may not even realize that your communication has broken down to the point that an affair can occur until after the affair is out in the open. It doesn’t mean the affair is the fault of the victim but it does mean that you can help lessen the chance that it will happen again if you figure out what’s missing in your relationship and fix it.

Give It Time

Recovering and overcoming the emotional devastation of infidelity will take time. If you’re the perpetrator you must give your spouse the time to yell, rave, hurt and move on. This can take a lot longer than you wish it would. If you are the one who was cheated on, you must give yourself the time to work through the issues that this type of thing brings on. You may feel unsure about moving on; you may feel as if your entire world as you knew it has ended. This is all normal and natural and you must give yourself time to heal.

A good way to give you the right amount of time is to set expectations and time limits. For example, set an hour a day in the beginning that you will discuss the infidelity. Then cut it down to 30 minutes a day until you have it down to just a few minutes a week, a month, and so forth until you are not discussing it at all now because it’s no longer an issue in your lives together. But don’t be in a hurry to bury it too soon because you must deal with the issues in order to truly get over the emotional havoc and completely repair your relationship.

If you are both committed to overcoming the emotional devastation of infidelity you can do it. You just have to know that the main goal is to come out of this with a healthy marriage that is affair proof. Believe it or not, you might find, if you put in the work, that your relationship is better, stronger and more awesome than it was before the infidelity happened.

Author's Bio: 

C Mellie Smith knows firsthand the pain of betrayal. At Infidelity Healing her mission is to help couples overcome infidelity and restore their relationship. Visit: to get started.