A Pushed Button

Does this sound familiar? “I think I feel ____.” This is impossible. There are facts and feelings. We can’t think how we feel. Until I learned this, I was really good at thinking how I felt or so I thought.

Over time and many experiences, I developed a shell to protect me from the pains of the yesterdays. As it grew denser – I lost connectedness with my essence – my energy and focus went to keeping that shell in tact between me and others. I wouldn’t let anyone get that close. The shell acted as my shield to survive.

I remember a friend who reads palms shared that my head and my heart weren’t connected and I’d disagree. I knew I was sensitive and had feelings.

Buttons being pushed are a direct link to unfinished issues that are pain. We can rationalize it, and attempt to fix the situation externally with counseling or other mind filling tools and the pain may diffuse a bit, however in the background that pain continues to influence our choices and decisions.

Last weeks Ponderings I wrote about what you don’t own owns you. Here’s an example of this thinking/feeling concept in action:

Recently I recognized that I had a HOT button around chronic TV watching. Ok, so here’s where my head/intellectual shell kicked in: I can rationalize that my children’s father along with my dad watched it, thus I felt ignored. I can also add that I’m very active and prefer doing things rather than sitting for hours being a TV expert. While all of this has merit, I continued to feel emotionally charged.

With further exploring the source of my discontent, I realized it provokes me to see someone sitting while I’m obsessed with working and if I dare take time off, I’d consider myself to be lazy and if I did, I’d prove my mother right – anyone who sits on their hinny and watches hours of TV is worthless. Oh boy, the feelings appeared and I purged. This was a bingo.
Once I recognized the power that this had on me I was able to take ownership of it rather than blame others, including my mother. My mother did the best she knew how to do. I decided to revisit this from a different perspective – I can appreciate the drive my mother instilled in me, I can also be grateful for the ability to survive and thrive, to test waters where most wouldn’t risk, to know there is always a better way. Without that teaching, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I can view it in an empowering perspective or one that dis-empowers me.

The chronic TV watcher button doesn’t have the same effect. If someone chooses to be a TV expert, I’m OK with their choice it isn’t one that works for me.

Life is great, huh! Freedom is finding what pains us and releasing it. While in our heads analyzing it’s impossible to get to the source of the pain. We become data dumps waiting to spew our knowledge on anyone and everyone and we are pretty good at convincing ourselves.

Hiding behind a shell is a method of survival. I’ll bet if you’re like me, a life of quality is a priority. I encourage you to look for the gold within your pain and allow your true self to manifest something greater than you’d imagined possible.

May your thoughts be empowering!

Smiles, Glenda

"Ponderings" © Copyrighted 1998 – 2006 by Glenda Gibbs. Feel free to share. The content may be forwarded in full, with copyright/contact/creation information intact.

Glenda Gibbs
Changing Perceptions
________________________________________
email: glenda@glendagibbs.com
voice: 509.585.9683
web: http://glendagibbs.com