Love seeketh not itself to please,

nor for itself hath any care,

but for another gives its ease,

and builds a Heaven in Hell’s despair.

…William Blake

Most of us “love” on a shallow level and yet we expect great rewards from our relationships. We are afraid to give of ourselves wholly in body, mind or spirit. We maintain some reservation about revealing who we really are. We are even stingy about giving our partner certain things, but we want our partner to give us everything that we think will make us feel good. Thus, we find we are never truly satisfied with our love life. Our partners, friends and acquaintances only know the parts of us that we wish to reveal.

We crave deep intimacy with our beloved. We want to have the feeling of security and stability, but we are afraid of those very things. In order to receive a level of deep intimacy, we have to open up our body, our heart, our soul, and be brave enough to let go of the veil, the covering that envelops our real self. We hide behind this invisible armor just as a warrior yields his shield to protect himself from harm and danger.

But if we are to experience true intimacy with our beloved, we have to become fearless, transparent and vulnerable, courageous and confident.

Intimacy is the deep core connection of one being with another. Intimacy is a privilege we share with someone we love. We extend an invitation to this person to enter our sacred space, to share, play, learn and love together in an honest and genuine fashion. In intimacy, there is no room for fear. Fear prohibits intimacy.

Tantra gives us the tools to discover our true selves and the depths of our being, while exploring the profoundness of our partner. Intimacy is the tool that permits us to peel away layers of our ego, revealing our heart and soul. For this heart connection, the couple must be willing to surrender their egos, become vulnerable, and to give in to love.

Sexually, the opposite forces of Shiva/Shakti draw a couple closer and deeper. By allowing this natural force to develop, the two energies converge, and become One. We learn more about ourselves through the other. We see our image reflected back to us through their words, their look, their thoughts, and their actions. As our partner mirrors us, we learn, we discover, we change, we develop, we grow, and we learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves, just as much as we accept our partner.

On a mental level, deep intimacy gives us a sanctuary of inner peace, a refuge of comfort, and a safe haven where delight and ecstasy await. Our mind learns to stop the constant chatter; we become more creative and intuitive. We are able to communicate with our partner telepathically, psychically and beyond normal means of communication.

On a spiritual level, intimacy releases us from chains of suffering and sorrow, and replaces it with lightness, freedom and the bliss of union. The diamond scepter is the lingam in union with the soul of the lotus yoni.

On a mystical level, when we accept the union with mindfulness, what we feel and experience is deliberate and authentic. It is at this level where the lingam of the male becomes the lingam of Shiva, and the yoni of the woman becomes the goddess, not metaphorically, but in reality. This is the ultimate intimacy, the Mahamudra.

Is this level of intimacy obtainable? Yes, it is no different from learning any skill, like playing tennis or golf. If the knowledge and desire is there, all that is required is practice, study, direction, hard work, self-effort and mindfulness.

Author's Bio: 

Chandi Devi has always been involved in the creative arts and mystic arts, which eventually led her to completely immerse herself in the study and practice of tantra. Through the tantric path, the Shakti (goddess energy) awakened in Chandi a profoundly deep and broad passion for the diversity of life's treasures, from spiritual studies to politics to tango and more. Her book, “From Om to Orgasm: The Tantra Primer for Living in Bliss” has been described as “outstanding and has full potential to become a classic reference work”.

Dubbed the “Dear Abby of Tantra”, Chandi writes a question and answer column on tantra/sexuality/spirituality called “OMG!!! to OM” for and Additionally, she has written film and television treatments that cloak ageless wisdom under the veil of entertainment and she invites industry people to partner and manifest this vision together with her and create a new paradigm for the 21st century. She can be reached at or