Are you fairly confident in your shoes? Do you believe in your abilities and what you have to offer? Or, do you constantly question who you are as a person? Are you your worst critic, judging every move you make? I was very lucky in that my parents raised myself and my siblings to be very confident and self assuring individuals. It was not necessarily what they did, it was how they acted themselves. They taught us from a very early age to stand tall, to surround ourselves by people that made us feel good. That upbringing created the beliefs I have for myself today. We all have our past, the experiences that shaped who we are today. If people in your life expressed hurtful comments over and over, then over time you would start to believe these comments yourself. Your surrounding shapes your beliefs and molds the person you are today. How do you recreate how you see yourself? Let me share with you an example from one of my clients Marsha.

Marsha was raised in a home where loving acts were not portrayed very often. Her mother cared for her and her siblings, but was extremely hyper critical of her appearance and abilities. From an early age Marsha was self conscious of her looks. By the time Marsha came to work with me, she lacked confidence and didn’t see herself in a very positive light. This of course translated to all the areas of her life. She was in a job that was unsatisfying, she lacked intimacy with her husband, and she didn’t really have much joy in her life. By focusing on her confidence, and building her back up from the ground up, she was able to see herself in a new light. She started to feel more attractive, she started doing things she enjoyed, she focused on her abilities and found a job she loved. Marsha realized that she could continue to carry with her the baggage and beliefs from the past, or she could recreate her own beliefs and vision for herself. She chose the latter.

If you want to live a purposeful life and attract positive things to you, then you need to radiate that as well. It is important to refocus your energy and control the negative voice in your head. If you raise your own standards and start to believe in yourself, that is exactly what you will attract to you. Who do you admire in the world? What characteristics and qualities do they portray? Why exactly do you admire them? Are they honest? Are they driven? Do they have fun? Are they non-judgmental? List why you admire them and then create your own list? These are the standards that you want to live your life by. Then begin acting on them right now. If you want more joy and you want to be more positive, then take the steps necessary to live by those standards. Make a commitment to yourself to criticize less and accept yourself more.


1. List achievements and successes
Make a list of all your achievements in your life. What are you most proud of? Don’t filter what you write down, write everything that comes to mind. Begin embracing these. Instead of focusing on your negatives, exert more energy on the things you have and continue to do well. Look at this list when feelings of self doubt begin to pop up.

2. Small steps of success
Instead of focusing on the large goals in your life, break them down into smaller tasks. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the larger “to do” lists, so focus on the steps to get there. If your goal is to buy a home, then what specifically do you need to do to make that happen? Make a list of manageable tasks. Talk to a loan officer, save a certain amount of money per month for a down payment, get rid of debt, talk with a Realtor. By achieving smaller goals you build up your self confidence and begin to rely on yourself. Make a list of the goals you have for yourself. Then break each goal down into smaller tasks. Focus on one goal at a time until it is achieved, then move on to the next.

3. Get rid of negative self talk
Every time you think negatively about yourself or others you lower your standards. Start being more aware of your critical voice and replace that voice with positive dialogue. Create an affirmation to “plug in” every time that all too familiar voice begins playing in your head. Realize that the negative thoughts attract that same negativity into your life. Focus on positive thoughts and you will attract a much more positive experience to yourself.

Have a great week!

Author's Bio: 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Leslie Gail is a Certified Life Coach and owner of New Life Focus Coaching. Leslie conducts seminars, appears regularly on a morning radio show, KOSI 101.1 in Denver, and publishes articles in The Rocky Mountain News. Leslie sends out a newsletter via e-mail every Monday morning, entitled “Monday Morning Tips”, that will jumpstart your life every week. Sign up for these tips directly at Leslie supports her clients in achieving personal and professional success without compromising their values. Contact Leslie directly at or call (866) 779-0731.