Love Is Like Learning To Dance

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz

"the marriage doctors"

Authors of the Book
Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage
available at

Over the past 25 years, we have studied successful marriage in the United States and around the world. In our soon-to-be-released book entitled Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, we describe the seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages – and we would dare say, in all successful and loving relationships between two people. We often use the notion of “learning to dance” as a way of describing these relationships. Dance becomes sort of a metaphor for successful love.

You have probably heard the expression, “It takes two to Tango.” When we were in Buenos Aires, Argentina a couple of years ago, this point was really driven home to us as we watched the Tango dancers perform on the streets. Tango dancing is exotic, breathtaking, sexy, exhilarating, entertaining, heart-pumping, and just plain fun. But here is one absolute fact – you cannot do the Tango by yourself! It does, indeed, take two to Tango.

The characteristics we describe in our book are a pervasive part of who loving couples are together as if describing the steps of a well-choreographed dance. Successful couples have learned, practiced and committed these characteristics to memory. It is like watching a pair of ice dancers gliding through a perfectly executed triple jump—they are beautiful skaters individually, but magnificent when together.

On the other hand, failed marriages and failed relationships are like dancing in the dark without knowing the steps. The steps appear to be easy at first, but tragically, divorce statistics tell us that half of all married couples never learn to dance. Instead, they stumble and fall until they eventually give up and quit dancing altogether. If they had learned to make the seven characteristics part of the fabric of their marriage, the fabric of their loving relationship, they could have learned the dance of lasting love.

If you want to achieve a lasting love, first learn and understand the seven characteristics present in all successful relationships. You will have to read our book to know what they are! In the meantime you might want to read these two articles we posted earlier on called What Makes Relationships Last and How Will I Know I Am In Love.

Then accept the commitment to practice each of the characteristics everyday of your loving relationship. While the seven characteristics might seem simple at first glance, successful couples describe the hard work it takes to make each of the characteristics habitual and pervasive in their relationship.

Learning to dance is fun, but it is also hard work. It takes commitment to perfect the moves. Remember, successful relationships are, more than anything, an accumulation of the little things. To use the Tango dance as an example, in a holistic sense it is beautiful to watch, but the beauty of the dance is made possible because those doing the dance did the little things – they learn the steps, and they practiced a lot!

Whether the beat of your loving relationship is a Tango, Salsa, Swing, Waltz, or the Texas Two-Step, when each of these seven characteristics describes your dance together, you will have achieved a successful loving relationship with another person. You will then be well on your way to achieving a long-lasting love like the successful couples we have interviewed over the years who celebrated their Golden Anniversaries together.

Love is like learning to dance. Learn how today. And as a good friend of ours in Texas likes to say, “You meet a lot of nice people when you go dancing!”

Author's Bio: 

Now you can order the Doctors' new book entitled , Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage at With 25 years of research experience on successful marriage and their own 41-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples, representing 15,000 years of marriage, they've discovered the seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages. Their book exposes the secrets for success through these poignant, real life stories.

Get started with “the marriage doctors” by taking their Marriage Quiz or asking them a question at Ask The Marriage Doctors or downloading their FREE eBook at Salad Recipes For Love and Health.

During their distinguished careers the Doctors have received some 60 local, state, and national awards; published nearly 200 articles and manuscripts; delivered over 1000 speeches, workshops and public presentations; traveled throughout the world; and appeared on radio and television and in the print media. Dr. Charles D. Schmitz is Dean and Professor of Family and Counseling Therapy at the University of Missouri in St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz is President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC.

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