The following tips are only valid if reviewed repeatedly because they are easily forgotten as we get busy ‘living’. They are clustered here mainly so that you can get a handle on them one at a time rather than try to decipher a whole book of philosophy or theories which leaves you lost and still unimproved. This article is written with a coach approach, so that each item can be worked on deliberately to achieve a very valid and visible effect.

Tip no. 1: Don’t be afraid to PAUSE.

A pause is a very valuable thing. It allows you to think. It is taking a break. A pause should be accompanied by a deep breath. In a given day, or hour, pause and check how you are breathing. Within this space of time, powerful spiritual dynamics can take place. Pausing before crossing the street can save your life. Pausing before spending on something you do not need, could save you money and keep you out of debt. Pause should include walking away, from whatever you are not so sure about. Pause however should not be used to vacillate about what is actually good for you. Don’t pause before running the opposite direction from what is hurting or diminishing you. Make pausing a powerful tool in determining your life directions.

“Be like the bird that, pausing in her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings.” (Victor Hugo).

Tip No. 2: DREAM

Look for finds right around you, turn left, turn right, look up, look down, look around. Sometimes we are so busy peeking over the fence and peering down the lane, we overlook cues, opportunities, even waving signals as to what is best, what is available and what we are actually looking for. Don’t feel badly. We might be misjudging our situation or seeing the opposite of our dream, when it is actually the dream situation, presenting the stepping stones for your future.

The end of wisdom is to dream high enough to lose the dream in the seeking of it. (William Faulkner)


Within us is a deep place, but we must first enter it.
It is bothersome indeed to be told that the obstacle is not outside of you but within you. Not to worry. The opposite should also be true then, that the solutions are there too. Try to contemplate that sometime. The revelation will come to you. While you reconsider your underestimated power and discover your greatness, it will feel quite fearsome but you know this is the level that you needed to reach.

A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or so. (Joseph Smith)

TIP NO.4 – You are creation story. Create a Story.

As you live and grow and change and develop your life story is unraveling. The question is, do we just wait and watch it unfold? There is far more excitement, fulfillment and joy in fully participating in the process, by deliberately creating your story. Write your script the way you want it. Do an outline. Plan each chapter. You will not know the final outcomes now, but you really and truly should write the draft.

I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts, the rest are details. (Albert Einstein)

It is wise to learn; it is God-like to create (John Saxe)


On being special and so is everyone else.

Most of what we allow to happen to us in life confirms the opposite of the fact that we are special. Much of what we experience with other people hardly confirms to us that they are special. Regardless of all of that, the fact is that on both sides of the fence, we are all special or the formula would not work equally for all. Once the elements are in place we are all eligible for the same happiness outcome.

He then learns that in going down into the secrets of his own mind he has descended into the secrets of all minds (Emerson)


Emotions. Cry and scream, if you must. Laugh loud if you feel it. Weep if that’s how it touches you. This is cleansing. Relieve yourself of what might hold you ‘pent up’. There can be no flow without that. You need release from what causes pain, fear or weakness in order to embrace what brings calm, positive energy and strength.

Man is only truly great when he acts from the passions (Benjamin Disraeli)
Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life (Anthony Robbins)

TIP NO. 7 - The unexpected

Plan every minute, but do not fear the unexpected.
Along the way, as you breathe, look around for cues, look deep within you and try to write your script, you will need to plot next steps. What is awaiting you is part of the fun and pleasure that you seek. The unexpected is what should be expected. They are the rewards for entering fully into this personal journey – to live vibrantly.

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers. (Erich Fromm)


Give exactly what you need the most. As you make your way, over many mountains, sometimes you will feel deprived, dismissed, disturbed because none of what you planned or dreamed appear to be in sight any time soon. A counterintuitive approach is to give and be exactly what you need to get or receive the most. It hurts but hush. This counterintuitive action activates a reversal in direction so that you break the seeming barriers down.

What I gave, I have; what I spent, I had; what I kept, I lost. (Unknown)

The more he cast away the more he had. (Bunyan)

TIP NO.9 - Kindness to yourself

If we don’t learn to appreciate ourselves then we will live and die unappreciated because even those who admire us or even love us, often fail to express how much they appreciate us. So, start out giving yourself credit for what you have done, can do and plan to do and celebrate your great beingness.

It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship. Norman Peale

One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.

No. 10 - VISION.

Stare until you see your dream alive and beautiful to behold. Vision is one of the most abstract of words because in the mere naming of the idea the substance escapes us. One cannot even share a vision since it emanates from all the internal intricacies, thoughts, and mental and emotional connections which have accumulated over time within one individual. A group of people might agree that they share a vision, and even in that shared vision there must be variations since none of them can see within the others mind in detail. A vision nevertheless is what propels us to see a wholeness to life and not just the meager feelings we feel and the steps we take each day reacting to hurts, pains, disappointments and setbacks.

I would give all the wealth of the world, and all the deeds of all the heroes, for one true vision. (Thoreau)


I give myself check-marks every day like I used to do when I marked my students’ assignments in the classroom. I usually have so many things on my ‘to do’ lists each day that I need to tell myself that I am doing well. Even with a very short list or a list of readily attainable things, congratulate yourself and then stretch your limits and prove yourself over again. This is good rehearsal for when un-anticipated demands arise.

No. 12 – Share your intentions only with those who will value them.

Be very careful. While you are envisaging the greatness and joy ahead, remember not to share your powerful intentions with those who may not share or value your vision. They need to go along their own journey until they arrive. Learn to protect your path.

Consider the implications of each of these tips for your life, and the lives of others you interact with day after day. If you even apply two of the guidelines above, you will have begun to be a good self-coach.

If you forward or revise this article or quote from it, please include the attribution to the author and be generous enough to let me know where and when the information was used.

Author: Hyacinth E. Gooden-Bailey, B.A.,Dip.Ed.,M.A.
Professional Life Transitions Coach (certified)
& Tele-Class Leader
Member, International Coach Federation

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