The words bitch and hoe (short for whore; you can’t spell it “who” because that’s a different word) are tossed around so much that young ladies are no longer offended. Do you know what a bitch is? Webster’s dictionary says that it is a female dog or other carnivorous animal. I guess women could be called carnivorous animals; we eat meat. How unpleasant to be looked at that way, though! Webster’s also says that a bitch is a “lewd or immoral woman” or a “malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman — sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse.” This last part of the definition was added recently because so many people use it that way. I don’t know about you, but I think it is not okay to use that term when referring to me. Our children hear it so often, though, that it has become a mainstream part of their communication. Even girls call each other by that name! And, don’t get me started on calling me a whore!!

Here’s the deal. Women get caught in the “I finally got a man” trap and believe this man is going to protect them, provide for them, and meet their need for passion (which is really a form of acceptance). And, when he starts calling them names like bitch and whore, they laugh it off or quietly sulk, allowing him to say whatever he likes because they don’t want to lose him. Or, they allow themselves to be called by these names (and even refer to themselves this way) because they think their behavior is deserving of such monikers. It is not okay to be called by names that are not endearing or, simply, what your parents named you. You know what makes him keep calling you names that hurt your feelings and make you feel badly about yourself? He knows you are desperate to keep him, so he can do whatever he likes! You don’t deserve it, but he doesn’t care because he knows you’re in that trap. He knows you see him as Prince Charming.

How did he make the discovery that he can treat you however he wants, and you will let him? You told him! Not in so many words, but through your actions you told him that you would accept whatever he did as long as he continued to be your hero. The scary thing is that you don’t even know you’re doing it. Every person learns how to “be” from the people who raise them, the people who influence them, and what happens in the world around them. We develop a belief system about ourselves and others through our contact with others. You have either had people telling you all your life that you’ll be great or that you are so talented or smart, or you’ve had people telling you that you’d amount to nothing or that you’re so dumb. Some of you didn’t have anyone telling you anything about yourselves. How you see yourself has been drilled into you all your life, and what you believe and how you behave now came out of that.

Take a look at some of the women who are walking the streets selling their bodies to make ends meet. What about the ones in the strip clubs giving lap dances and jockeying up and down those poles? For some the work is enjoyable (I think because they don’t know it shouldn’t be), but for most? They would rather be doing just about anything else. Sometimes the money is too good to quit. Other times, however, they simply don’t believe they are capable of doing anything else worthwhile because that is what they learned about themselves. They were taught that the only way they can get a man is to flaunt their bodies (much like the music videos with the half naked women) and give up more of themselves than those men deserve. It used to be that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Now women believe they have to give up their bodies. This thinking is ABnormal USE of ourselves.

Some women have learned, over time, that abuse is normal. Use your feminine wiles to capture him. When Prince Charming comes along, he will give you the passion, provision, and protection you were taught to expect as long as you accept the abuse and do whatever he wants. Keep your head down and just follow the rules, and you can keep your man. Get your prince by any means necessary and live with his abuse so you can keep him. NOT! You deserve better than that simply because you are human, equal to him. No matter what he says, and no matter what you heard all your life, you are God’s creation, and when God saw you, he said, “This is good!”

Author's Bio: 

Erika Jackson holds a Bachelor of Arts in Management and Organizational Development and a Masters in Counseling from Spring Arbor University. Erika is a certified life and business coach and a certified life coach trainer through ICF accredited Coaching Academy of North America. In her more than ten years of experience with business and organizational development, Erika has incorporated a non-profit organization offering employability skills training, mentoring, and personal coaching. Mrs. Jackson currently provides life and small business coaching for female survivors of domestic violence. For more information visit or contact by email at