After an Affair: Dealing with Grief

Life after an affair can be heartbreaking even though its something that happens in many romantic relationships. The ramifications of the betrayal must be dealt with before a person can more forward in life. Learning how to rebuild a life after an affair takes patience, determination and a willingness to move ahead.

The initial reactions following the disclosure or discovery of infidelity are anger and hurt. It is normal to feel rage and to lash out at the person who has committed adultery. It is also natural to feel intense emotional pain. This terrible event can destroy the relationship and significantly harm the individuals involved if care is not taken to deal with the ramifications following the adultery.

After the tears have fallen, however, it is time to rebuild and move forward. There are several ways in which people can get their lives back on track following a breach of trust. These include grieving, forgiveness and therapy.

Grief is a process by which a person mourns a loss. In the case of an affair, this is a loss of trust and possibly the romantic partner who committed the infidelity. Grieving progresses through stages including numbness, denial, hurt, anger, bargaining, sadness and, finally, acceptance. All of these emotions must be dealt with before the person grieving can reach the ending stage.

Once a person has allowed grief in all its stages to occur, it is time to forgive the other person. Many do not feel they can forgive someone who has hurt them in such an intimate way, one must do so. The forgiveness is as much for the person who was victimized as for the perpetrator. Forgiveness does not mean the partner has to continue to be romantically involved with the one who cheated.

Therapy is necessary for someone whose partner has cheated. This therapy can be formal counseling with a mental health professional or it can be informal in nature. For instance, a person rebuilding a life following the atrocious event can engage in helpful activities such as physical exercise, meditation, talking with friends and developing a new hobby.

Letting go of the anger and hurt after a romantic partner cheats is difficult. Work is involved to rebuild a life that might or might not include the person who committed adultery. Recovering from the pain requires a grieving process, forgiveness and an investment in beneficial therapies. There is light at the end of this tunnel and life can be happy after an affair.