It’s very interesting to me to watch couples struggle and go around and around… I find that this happens with the ones where partners refuse to take ownership of their own contribution to their relationship’s status quo and are fixated with having their partner change… These are the partners that also are waiting for the magic pill and for me to fix their partner. I have a bit of news for these partners – it ain’t gonna happen!

When partners wait for the other to change, they are waiting. When they wait, they are wasting the moment and the opportunity to have something different – right there and then! If this resonates a bit with you, in that you are waiting for something different in the interaction, I implore YOU to do something differently, to mindfully, respectfully, caringly, and compassionately reach out to your partner about it.

When an interaction is going south, take a step back and see how you are provoking the situation. How you are inviting your partner’s reaction. How you are pushing their buttons, triggering them. How you are hurting your partner. Instead of focusing on how your partner is going about this all wrong, stop your approach and try something different – the more loving and compassionate approach. We all just want to be understood, accepted and loved at the end of the day. Give that to your partner

I implore you to stop blaming, pointing fingers, and waiting. You will be waiting forever as you cannot change the other, nor drag them to change, push them to change, or beat them to change. Change can only happen when you change yourself! When you are frustrated and in pain because of your partner’s actions and attitudes, take a moment to see what you are contributing to the moment and in general. Stop being the victim and take charge of what is happening! Take charge in a loving, giving, nurturing, forgiving, investing manner. I’m not suggesting aggression, punishment, ultimatums, control, threats and other ploys partners resort to when they want to take charge… These invite more of the same and escalate your situation.

Please STOP your approach NOW and try something different. Stop going at it from a wounded, deprived, violated and entitled perspective and be NICE! YOU invest TLC. YOU invest compassion, understanding, love, and affection. YOU start and continue to use your partner’s love language and stick to it no matter what. YOU have the power to invite your partner to a different moment. YOU have the power to break the impasse and seduce your partner. YOU CAN DO IT!

Remember, challenging situations are opportunities for healing, growth, and change. Go about this as if this was a course on change you want to ace. Make believe each interaction is a test… Prep for it, research, get your resources, be at your best, and a have a plan of action to ace your test… Give it your all. Give it your genuine, Authentic all, not your egocentric all… Stop waiting and change your relationship right now.

Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your spectacular relationship. Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!

Happy Changing!

Author's Bio: 

About Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT (Metropolitan MFT)
I'm the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC (Metropolitan MFT), a private psychotherapy practice specializing in working with couples. I help couples succeed at their relationship by assisting them get on the same page and deeply understand each other, repair hurts, create intimacy, stay connected, share passion, and tap into their synergy. I specialize in pre-marital, codependence, reactivity / anger, and infidelity work.