Are You Fooling Yourself?

As human beings, we are masters with the creation of excuses. There isn’t one person alive who doesn’t make excuses every day of their life for something. It’s so ingrained in us that we rarely realize our pattern, so it is simply a natural defense we utilize without thinking. Some of you may use it more than others, but everyone does it!

So what is an excuse? Basically, it is a pardon or justification for some action or behavior. It’s a way of removing blame from ourselves so that we are released from an obligation or duty due to circumstances that we feel we couldn’t control; it’s a defense mechanism.

Time can be our friend or our enemy, depending on what we do with it. Yet time exists and is a big part of why we make excuses. We run out of time in a day so couldn’t complete something, or we’re late due to traffic congestion…all time factors. They are legitimate excuses wouldn’t you say? After all, you cannot control the traffic or extra things that pop up during a 24-hour day. But if you look below the surface, perhaps you can see something more.

Could it be you left late and therefore got caught in more traffic? Do you hate your job? Are you feeling anger inside towards the job or your boss so stalled your preparations into slow motion, thus leaving later than you needed to? Could it be that you crowded so much into your schedule that day you inadvertently knew you’d have trouble completing everything, yet ignored that fact? Did you crowd so much in because you want to be known as someone who accomplishes a great deal since on a deeper level you don’t feel too good about yourself, but driving yourself to get a lot done might convince you and others of your worthiness? We can easily convince ourselves that these circumstances are to blame, but when looking deeper, one can see what is really going on beneath the surface in these situations. We call this self-sabotage.

Have you ever procrastinated? That’s probably a silly question because once again, every one does it! What is procrastination? Postponing or putting off something that we should do but don’t, all with justifiable excuses. We say there isn’t enough time; we don’t have the resources to do that; we don’t feel ready; we need more education to do this; we have too much on our plate already, and so on. Some individuals are habitual procrastinators, but others of us do it here and there. Most of the time, we procrastinate with something we don’t really want to do like cleaning out the garage, bathing the dog, exercising, writing a report, or any number of unpleasant tasks to us. Other times we use the tactic of procrastination when we feel it will be too hard or it frightens us to do it. I remember procrastinating for about two years when people began asking me to present classes. The thought of standing in front of people and speaking terrified me, and when I was introduced to a training to become a speaker, I froze at the thought and totally eradicated the idea from my mind, or so I thought.

It took two years of resisting before I couldn’t stand the restlessness inside of me, knowing I needed to present classes. So finally I took the training and became a speaker. Fear kept me paralyzed so that I continually procrastinated about taking the training, but once I did the training, the fear went away. So fear can be a monster who creates the pattern of excuses and procrastination. My fear always made the excuse that I was too busy, didn’t have the money, or that the training was on the weekend when I needed to work at my store. (I co-owned a health store at that time) They sounded like legitimate reasons to not take it right then, but they were actually excuses because I was too afraid of doing it.

The same may be true for you. What are you afraid of doing that you continually make excuses not to do? Is it time for you to move away from your present line of work and begin what you know you should be doing? Do you make the excuses that you have to remain for the income, or are you afraid of the unknown so procrastinate leaving or even beginning this new work on the side? Do you feel unsure of how to proceed so just delay making any decision? Are you afraid deep inside that you might not be able to make a go of it, so basically quit before you even start?

This is all self-sabotage – telling yourself that now isn’t the time to get you off the hook so to speak. But deep inside you aren’t fooling anyone, for your spirit knows and you know even though you are ignoring it.

Take a minute to think of excuses you’ve made recently. You might be surprised just how many you make each day to exonerate yourself. Some may be trivial things that really don’t matter that much, but what about those bigger things, the life-changing things you need to be doing for improving your life, your health, your relationships, your career, and helping others in some way?

I remember one woman who told me she had been working on writing a book for a while but she was having trouble getting it separated into chapters. I asked her how long she’d been doing this and she said nine years! As an author, I knew I could help her separate her material into chapters quite easily, so I offered. She readily accepted, and in a few hours time we had her entire material ready for completion into a chaptered manuscript so it could be ready for the editor. That was more than six years ago, however, and her book has never been completed. I’m sure she must have created another “excuse” because we obliterated the excuse she used with me. What is really going on here?

She is self-sabotaging her desire to complete her book, all based in fear. Perhaps she doesn’t think it will be good enough so feels inadequate with the material, or that no one will read it since there are so many books already in print. Maybe she would rather spend her money on something she wants instead of the publishing process. Whatever it is, she has allowed her ego thoughts to override what she knows inside she is supposed to do – that is self-sabotage!

Of course there are times when we need to change course from our original plans, but in that case there is no need for an excuse; you simply state that your idea or project no longer is working so you are discontinuing it – a whole different scenario.

Recognize the hidden meaning of excuses as fear, then realize the only way to conquer that fear is to simply just do it! Once you eliminate the procrastination and do it, the fear slips away along with the excuse. This frees you completely from the heaviness hanging over you of unfinished business, allowing you to once again enjoy living. You may think you are ridding yourself of the task or obligation, but are you really fooling anyone? So banish the excuses, stop the procrastination, and face up to the truth in every situation. This will allow you to begin living freely and fully!