Dealing with an affair in your marriage is probably one of the most difficult thing any couple will have to cope with. There are obviously many relationship problems that need to be worked out, but one thing I find many women deal with after an affair is the feeling that they have no self-confidence or self-respect. Maybe your mind is filled with doubts and questions like:

Why didn’t I see this coming?
What’s wrong with me that made him cheat?
Is my own sense of others so off that I married someone that would do this?
Am I not good enough?

First, I just want to let you know that this is a normal thing to experience after an affair. Your mind is flooded with these kinds of questions and you naturally doubt yourself and your own judgment.

But thoughts like these aren’t going to help you heal and put things back together. Here are 3 tips to help you regain your confidence, self-esteem, and respect after you find out your husband had an affair.

Claim Responsibility - Of course, I’m not trying to say that you are responsible for your husband’s decision to cheat. That was ultimately a choice he made. However, you must realize that you are responsible for how you feel and how you react to your daily life.

Surely you’ve known two different people that react to the same thing in different ways. This is because of their individual life experiences and what they believe about themselves, others, and the world. The point is that you can decide how to react to the turmoils in your life, and you alone are responsible for your own happiness and well-being. As long as you rely on something outside of yourself to feel good, you will always be at the whims of fate and other’s fickle emotions.

Accept That It Happened - Another problem that many people have is that they resist the fact that their spouse cheated. They fight against the thought and try to push it away. However, this isn’t the reality of what happened.

You must accept that it actually did happen. This, of course, doesn’t mean that you need to feel good about it. You can still feel bad about your situation, but by learning to accept that it happened instead of denying it, hiding from it, or otherwise pushing it away, you can fee up a lot of personal energy. You can use this energy for more constructive things like coping with the emotions or taking your life and your marriage in a more positive direction.

Shed Negativity - Chances are good that if there was an affair, then there is a problem in your relationship. Maybe the two of you are experiencing emotional distance from each other. Perhaps there is resentment between the two of you. Or maybe the two of you fought and argued frequently.

The next thing you need to do to start enjoying your life again and rebuilding your marriage (if you choose to), is to start correcting these problems in your relationship. This is the key to releasing bad feelings and starting to have fun and enjoy life again.

Dealing with an affair is difficult, and in many respects the hardest part is rebuilding your own sense of self and confidence. But with these three tips, you’ll be well on your way.

Author's Bio: 

If you found this helpful and you'd like more advice on dealing with cheating spouse issues, be sure to check out my list of the best cheating books.

Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.