The first weeks after discovering their husband’s extramarital affair the wife will experience a mindless jumble of emotions. For some those weeks pass in a blur and they cannot remember much about what they did, let alone what they said. This is critically important, and no decisions should be made during this period of time or long lasing mistakes may be the outcome. Women undergoing this confusing and stressful time must think first and foremost of themselves. They will be no good to their family or children, in the long run, if they ignore their own emotions and consequently delay their recovery.

How to clear your mind
Within that jumble of emotions spinning in the wife’s head there is unlikely to be one single positive thought. This can be very damaging, negative thoughts destroy marriages and the people within them. To repair the marriage and find a way back to the good times, those negative thoughts will need banishing. Even if the marriage is over as a result of the infidelity because the wife cannot tolerate a man who indulges in an extramarital affair, those negative thoughts have the power to do damage long after the divorce.
Like a hamster in a wheel, round and round, the moment of discovery is rehashed, words used repeated over and over again, but they do not take on any new meaning. Certain triggers will set off these negative thoughts, a song, a place, someone saying something, and the first step is to identify those triggers. A tried and tested approach is to write down each time a negative, bad thought comes into your head and what triggered it, what was happening at the time, who else was there and how long the negative thought lasted.

Learning to relax
The next stage in dealing with the negative thoughts arising from this extramarital affair is learning how to relax and handle those negative thoughts, to clear your mind. This does not require any clever technique other than breathing, and a bit of thought distraction technique. Most people never give themselves time to truly relax, they may sit in front of the television, but that is not true relaxation. Watching a romantic movie will bring back floods of memories as well as tears. Now, to really relax requires a quiet room, and preferably a comfortable bed. Scented candles can aid relaxation as can music, but not the radio, the music may be nice but the DJ’s chatter will become irritating. For about ten minutes the focus is on the breathing nothing else. Think, breathing, see the word, just listen to how your breathing sounds, and how it feels, and see if you can slow the breathing down. Be careful not to over-breathe, exceedingly deep breaths may just result in dizziness. As the state of relaxation becomes deeper, negative thoughts are likely to appear, but the tactic is to refocus on the breathing, visualize the word, and leave no room for the negative thought. At worst, a few quiet moments will be achieved; at best you may fall asleep! It will take a bit of practice, and it is worth looking at the good resources on the market that teach advanced thought distraction and banishment techniques.

Author's Bio: 

Do you need some help sorting out your jumbled thoughts and feelings after your husbands’ extramarital affair? Would you like more information about this topic? Please claim your free e-book at full of resources, advice and somewhere to talk to others who have suffered what you are going through. Tammy has experienced infidelity, and this website is her response and way to make sense of it all. Join her there; take your first steps on your healing journey.