One of the greatest needs that human beings have is to be seen for who they are and although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone feels comfortable with. If one is in a position where they didn’t feel comfortable with being seen, it is going to cause them to suffer in one way or another.

In Silence

However, even though one can do everything they can to avoid being seen, it doesn’t mean that other people will realise this. As a result of this, it can mean that they can end up suffering in silence.

It might be hard for some people to understand how one could suffer in silence and what this partly shows is how easy it is for human beings to deceive others. What it can also show is that not everyone takes a closer look into why people behave the way they do.

One Side

On one side then, one might have the ability to cover up what is taking place for them and this is going to stop other people from realising what is happening. Therefore, other people might not even think about how they are doing what they can to avoid being seen.

When it comes to the people that they spend their time with, they might see them as being just like everyone else. Yet this could also be a sign that one generally spends time with people who are also like them.

The Other Side

But on the other side, it could mean that other people are aware of how they behave and just put it down to their personality. They could see them as someone who is quiet or even shy and that could be as far as it goes.

Their behaviour is then going to relate to who they are as opposed to something they have developed in order to cover up how they feel. Due to this, there will be no reason for them to take a deeper look into what is taking place.

The Opposite

There is also the chance that they will end up spending time with people who are the complete opposite, or at least people who come across in this way. This is because they could also fear being seen, but instead of being overwhelmed by it; they could have gone to the other extreme.

They might be described as being confident and these kinds of people are going to be the perfect match for them. For if the attention is on the people they surround themselves with, there will be no reason for one to receive attention.

For Example

If one felt emotionally weak, they could end up trying to develop their physical body through gaining muscle, or they might even gain a lot of weight. From the outside, other people can say they are big built or that they are overweight, for instance, and it might not even occur to them why their body is the way it is.

But if one was to look into why they feel the way they do and to develop their emotional strength, they might no longer need to gain as much muscle or they may find that they are able to lose weight. Similarly, if one was to feel comfortable with being seen, they might no longer be drawn to people who overshadow them.


Through being around people who receive all the attention, one will be able to avoid attention and this will be seen as a good thing. But even though this will stop them from feeling uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean they won’t suffer in another way.

This is because they are not going to be able to receive the attention that they need from other people. The part of them that wants to be acknowledged by others is going to be overlooked.


It could be normal for one to feel as though they are invisible and this could mean that they have moments where they look up to people who are seen by others. This could relate to people they know and it could also relate to the people they don’t know.

In this case, it could be actors, singers, sports stars and/or TV personalities, for stance. They could wonder what it would be like to experience life as they do, and it could even mean that they end up worshipping them.


So as one doesn’t feel comfortable being seen, it could also be said that they feel the need to hide their true-self. And through not being comfortable enough to share who they are; it can mean that their needs are rarely met.

As a result of this, they may find that even though they want to grow and to move forward, this is unlikely to be something that takes place. What this comes down is that through having the fear of being seen, one is going to sabotage their own life.

A Closer Look

It might seem strange as to why one would feel uncomfortable with being seen; especially as it is part of being human. However, if one is carrying toxic shame, it is going to be normal for them to fear being seen.

Through carrying toxic shame, one is going to feel as though they are completely worthless, and if other people were to see them, they will believe that they will realise how flawed they are. During this time, they would have to experience the toxic shame within hem and they are going to believe that they would be abandoned by others.

The Reason

Thus, being seen by others is going to be something that will cause them to experience a lot of pain. The reason one is carrying toxic shame is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years.

During this time, one may been abused and/or neglected and this would have set them up to feel as though they are less-than human. Ultimately, how one was treated would have been a reflection of how their caregiver/s felt about themselves as opposed to their inherent worth.


In order for one to feel comfortable with being seen, it might be necessary for them to reach out for support. This is something that be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.

This may be a time where one will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs, to discharge the toxic shame that is within them and to receive the positive regard that they missed out on as a child.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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