Some time ago I had an encounter with my ego, which still smarts. I experienced what I have come to understand as spiritual pride. I have an ongoing, daily struggle with my submission to the fact that of myself I am nothing.

After enduring the mourning process and coming to grips with the fact that: “Of myself, I am nothing.”; The Father does all the good that is done through me. The Father, and the Father alone is the author of all good. After being humbled by the realization that, The Father is “…all in all…”, it was time for me to begin the process of surrendering myself to being used as the instrument of the Holy One. This, I have come to understand, is the most important purpose for my life. In doing this, I am opening myself to being transformed into the image of Yahweh; the image of love, through the power of Yahweh. This image is simply, the image of love, as Yahweh is love. This is where and when the most excruciatingly, laborious work, on my part, began.

Hungering and thirsting for righteousness has absolutely nothing to do with my wishing or making any kind of effort to change anyone else to become more ‘righteous’. It remains my conviction that I have absolutely no power of any kind to make even the smallest, most minute change in another human being. This understanding is what all the tyrants and their supporters throughout the ages lacked. All of our actions begin with our thoughts. A tyrant can restrict our actions, but, he cannot crawl into our minds and make any changes to our thought process whatsoever.

And so, the meaning of hungering and thirsting for righteousness begins with me. I need to look deep within myself and face everything I see. This process is like cleaning a wound of dirt so that the healing can begin without corruption. It produces great pain but at the same time, there is a physical as well as a knowing pleasure; a knowing that when this is done, much healing will be the result.

When I made this inner journey the first time, it was, in like manner, excruciatingly painful and at the same time, extremely satisfying. It was excruciatingly painful for me to acknowledge the wrongs I had done others while ignoring the wrongs others had done to me. Remember, I have absolutely no control over anyone else. The only person I have any degree of control over is myself, and that is limited to the extent to which I am willing to enter into a complete and total partnership with our Holy Creator by allowing the process of purification to take place, through the action of self-analysis and discovery. There is no such thing as entering into a partial partnership with Yahweh, it is either all or nothing. But, our Beloved Creator does make extreme allowances for our imperfections.

I began at the earliest point in my life in which I did anything against the conscience I now have and proceeded on to the last event that took place in my life that went contrary to what my conscience now tells me. I used the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, anger, lust, envy, greed, gluttony and sloth. I wrote out each event in paragraph form and placed the sins that were prompting me to behave in that manner alongside each paragraph. Fear, guided by misdirected instincts was at the basis of all seven of the Deadly Sins. Biblically, fear is the opposite of love. I concentrated exclusively on my own wrongs and ignored all the wrongs that were ever done against me. I did this because I wanted to bring my will into harmony with the will of my Beloved Father. The Holy One is without sin and corruption. Only after exposing all of the corruption that was within my soul could I provide Yahweh with a malleable spirit to transform into the likeness of love.

But, that was only the first requirement. My spiritual advisor, at the time, instructed me to follow through with confession of all of my sins before Yahweh, myself and another. I chose my spiritual advisor as the other. On many occasions, I expressed my fear of losing the friendship of my advisor as a result of my confession. Every time he said that absolutely nothing could take away his love for me as his brother in our Lord. This gave me the courage that I needed. Once I finished my written self-analysis, I entered into confession before my Beloved Father, myself and in the presence of my spiritual advisor.

This was one of the most spiritually powerful experiences I have ever had. The power of our Omnipotent Creator was within me and all around me. I felt as though I was on a great mission, and so I was. It was a mission which brought me into the realm of our All-Powerful Creator. “Where there are two or more in My Name, there I will be also.”

Willingness is the key to all spiritual growth. Most often such willingness only comes as a result of pain and conflict. As an exceedingly hard headed egomaniac, I needed to be broken with no other options before I would accept or even try a spiritual means of solace. It seems as human beings, the will is at the center of our lives. To distinguish between my will and the will of Yahweh has become of primary importance to me. The will of Yahweh is absolute love, truth, selflessness, and purity. To find absolute purity, only one question needs to be asked; “Is this right or is it wrong?” “Is this righteous or is it unrighteous?” If it is right, then it is pure. After all, love includes purity and purity is righteousness.

The conscience seems to be a universal conduit through which we measure the ‘rightness’ or ‘wrongness’ of our actions. As action emanates from thought, I need to analyze my thoughts and attitudes continually, if I truly want to allow my Beloved Father to continue to transform my heart and soul into the image of love. Willingness is the key, but, “…the flesh is weak.”

Yeshua instructed us to pray in secret so our conversation with our Father will be honest and sincere and to pray simply. He gave us The Lord’s Prayer as an example. This prayer creates a profound sensation within my heart every time I say it with a group of people. We need each other, I believe, as much as we need Yahweh. We were created that way. My love relationship with Yahweh as well as my love relationship with all of my brother’s and sister’s counts on my continued pursuit of purity and truth. Selfishness is counter to loving relationships of every kind and opposes love and so opposes Yahweh. By its very nature, a loving relationship cannot exist when selfishness is present. A loving relationship requires purity and truth as well.

I have read that prayer should include ACTS; Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. I am tempted to share how I adore our Beloved in prayer, but it is such an intimate encounter with the Holy One, it is obvious that I need to leave that alone. But I will share with you that I always ask, during my supplication, for the willingness to allow my Beloved to continue to work miracles in my life and to continue to transform my heart and my soul into the image of love. When I neglect to include this in my daily prayers, my selfishness begins to overpower my relationships with my Beloved and my brothers and sisters.

In truth, it is impossible for any of us to be ‘filled’ simply because love comes from an infinite reservoir. Love is absolute. Love is pure. Love is selfless. Love is absolute truth. Our Beloved Father IS love and is eternal. The only question I need to ask to determine whether what I am encountering is love is; “Is this beautiful?” If it is beautiful, it is love. The St. Francis prayer begins with; “Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace.” We as human beings are really channels through which flows either good or bad, positive or negative. As I strive to open myself more and more as a channel through which the love of our Lord flows into the lives of His children, the more awe-filled with beauty I become.

Other articles in this series are:
Synopsis of the First Four Beatitudes
Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, for Theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven
Blessed are Those Who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness, for They Will Be Filled
Blessed are the Merciful for They Will be Shown Mercy
Blessed are the Pure in Heart for They Will See God

You can Order 18 1/2” x 12 1/2” fine art prints by Curt Doll for only $35.00 plus shipping of course. Every one of these works of art is a product of intimate and personal collaboration with my Beloved. I was the instrument which my Beloved used to create these works of art. Without my Beloved, I am infinitely less than a puff of smoke.

Author's Bio: 

Artist - Designer - Painter since 1977 - Curtis R Doll Jr began creating Stained Glass Windows in 1979, cutting glass, assembling the windows including installation and various & sundry jobs that go along with making stained glass - began designing Monumental Architectural Glass Installations in 1983 for churches, storefronts, malls, and continued to design small, residential & commercial projects - in addition, creating computer graphics, manipulating & restoring photographs - creating Digital, Limited Edition Fine Art Prints since 1998, and his passion continues to be Gouache paintings of abstracts.