If someone has just gone through a breakup and even if this took place a few weeks or a number of months ago, they could be in a bad way. This could show that they were with their ex for a number of years, or it might not have been this long.

Additionally, this might have been a relationship that was going well or it might not have been going well. But, regardless of how long it lasted or how well it was going, they are now going to be in a very low place.

Totally Defeated

As a result of this, they might have more or less lost the will to live and, thus, they won’t be interested in doing a number of the things that they used to do. If this is the case, in general, they might only do what they have to do.

So, they might get up each day during the week and go to work, assuming that they only work during the week, and once they get home, they could watch TV. If a friend or family member reaches out and asks them if they would like to join them, they could typically decline their offer.

A Shadow of Their Former Self

If they were able to pull themselves out of how they feel and reflect on their life, they might see that they are nothing like how they used to be. Even if they were not overly sociable, they will see that they don’t go out as much.

Due to how they feel, the desire to go out simply won’t be there and, if they were to go out, it could take a lot of effort. If they were to connect with how they feel, they could find that they feel helpless and hopeless.

It’s over

A number of other areas of their life could be going well but due to how much pain they are in, they might rarely if ever be able to see this. As this relationship has come to an end, it could be as though they have nothing to live for.

And, if they were to talk about how they feel and the thoughts they have to a trusted friend or family member, for instance, they could end up being told that what is going on for them doesn’t reflect reality. They might be told that their feelings and thoughts are ‘irrational’.

No impact

Yet, even if this was to take place, it might not have much of an effect on how they feel or the thoughts they have. One thing it may do is cause them to feel as though they shouldn’t feel the way that they do or have the thoughts that they have.

Not only will they be in a bad way, then, but they can come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with them. As well-meaning as this other person may be, they won’t have had a positive effect on them.

One Outcome

Every now and then, they could end up fantasizing about being back with their ex and their life going back to how it was before. When this happens, they won’t be in touch with their painful feelings and will feel good.

What this shows is that not being in touch with reality and creating a reality that is radically different will allow them to avoid their pain. This can be seen as a defence mechanism; something that their brain will employ to protect them.

A Deeper Look

Now, even though how they feel and the thoughts that they have can be seen as being irrational, it doesn’t mean that this is the truth. If their history was taken into account, what is going on for them, and perhaps what has taken place when they have gone through a breakup in the past, could be seen as being completely rational.

At the beginning of their life, they might have often been neglected and deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Throughout this stage of their life, then, they might have often been rejected and abandoned.

A Brutal Time

One or both of their parents are likely to have been out of touch with themselves, which would have prevented them from being able to attune to their child. By lacking empathy and being caught up with their own needs, they wouldn’t have been able to truly be there for them.

And, as one would have been powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about not being able to connect to their parent or parents. Their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt, with them gradually becoming estranged from a number of their needs and feelings in the process.

Up To the Surface

Some of this pain would then have ended up being unlocked when their relationship came to an end. Naturally, as this pain was added to the pain that they experienced through their relationship coming to an end, it is to be expected that they would be in a bad way.

If they were only dealing with the pain of going through a breakup and this other pain wasn’t there, they would be going through a very different experience. It will be important for them to face and work through this pain.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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