In order for something to develop in the right way, it will need it to receive the right things. If this doesn’t take place, it might still grow but it is not going to grow in the same way as it would otherwise.


For example, if a tree was planted in the shade, it is not going to get the sunlight it needs. As a result of this, not only will it take a long time to grow, it might only reach a certain height.

This is then going to stop it from being able to reach its full potential, and it could soon end up being blown over. In many ways, it could be said that human beings are no different, and that they also need to right conditions to develop.

The Beginning

During the beginning of their life, it is going to be vital for them to receive the kind of care that they need. This is going to be a time when they are completely dependent on their parent/s.

Therefore, if they don’t get what they need at this time, there is going to be absolutely nothing they can do about it. Due to this, it could be said that their parent/s will have a lot of responsibility.

A Good Start

If they give their child what they need, it will be a lot easier for them to grow into a well-functioning adult. Now, there is always the chance that their child could still go off the rails, so to speak, but they will have played their part.

However, even if they don’t give their child the level of care that they need in order to develop, it doesn’t mean that they will feel as though they are doing anything wrong. As far as they are concerned, they could believe that are doing the right thing.

The Years Pass

Once their child becomes an adult and finds that it is a challenge for them to handle life, they could wonder what is wrong with them. They could come to believe that what is taking place for them is the result of their genetics, for instance.

If this was to take place, what happened when they were younger is going to end up being overlooked. It is then not that they didn’t get what they needed; it is that they just happened to have something wrong with them.

Set In Stone

Their parent/s could believe that what took place when they were younger had very little, if any, effect on them. What this can come down to is that having this outlook can allow them to avoid taking responsibility for the part that they have played.

In addition to this, there is also the chance that when one’s parents/s abused and/or neglected them, they were not even aware of what they were doing. This could have been a time when they were in dissociated state.

One Response

If one was treated in this was when they were younger and their parent/s act as though there was nothing wrong during this time, they could come to the conclusion that they were born this way. What happened when they were younger can then be seen as being irrelevant.

Yet, even if they do sense that their childhood was far from perfect, it doesn’t mean that they will take a deeper look into what took place. Instead, their priority could be to maintain the image they have of their parent/s.


Through doing this, it is not going to have a negative effect on their relationship with their parent/s. They can continue to act as though they treated them well, and they won’t have to face the reality of what took place.

It could then be said that one will be putting their own needs to one side and focusing on their parent/s needs. What this comes down to is that it is not going to be possible for them to run away from what happened.

The Same Story

In the same way that one would have had to please their parent/s when they were younger, they are going to be doing the same thing now that they are an adult. As if one was to focus on their own needs, they would be facing what took place.

What took place during their younger years may have set them up to have mental and emotional problems and their relationships could also be extremely dysfunctional. And if they have the need to protect their parents and to put their needs first, their life is not going to change.

Two Options

One can then maintain their illusions and continue to suffer, or they can get in touch with what took place and begin to change their life. What they can’t do is maintain their illusions and transform their life; it is going to be one or the other.

It has been said that mental and emotional health depends on someone’s ability to face reality. And if they are not willing to acknowledge what is taking place within them, the pain they experienced when they were younger is going to continue to affect their life.

The Challenge

One of the things that can make it difficult for someone to face what happened is the way in which parent/s are typically viewed in today’s world. They are often seen as being above reproach, and as though they always do their best.

Nevertheless, if they abuse their children, they should be held accountable. The sooner one is able to face what happen and to work through it, the sooner their life can change.


This can be a time when it will be a good idea for one to reach out for the right support, and this can be provided by a therapist.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

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