Certain times of the year are great for letting go and clearing. Now is one of those times. We can declutter and detox and do other letting go practices and activities. The key is to surrender the old, the grip on our potential, and allow ourselves the opportunity to create something new. Better yet, with the spaciousness and restructuring we allow for newness to automatically emerge… Let’s deconstruct to allow for a new reality…
We are focused this month on refreshing to allow for this newness, so far we covered:
Decluttering and Detoxing
You can get the Refresh for Newness Checklist to track your progress…
Today we are focusing on Deconstructing… We want to shake up the belief systems, narratives and stories we hold about who we are, our relationship and our life…
We like to believe that we live in a solid and static reality, that what we see and measure is what Is… But scientists have proven this ideology wrong, and that the observer influences what is observed… We live in a fluid reality (actually, we live in a multiverse/reality, but that’s beyond this writing! LOL). Feel free to do your own research if this is a new concept for you…
Our reality is what we make of it as it is what we observe… Additionally, what we observe is influenced by who we are, or rather what lens we put on…
~We have a choice on how we look at things, what we choose to see and how we interpret them
~We have a choice on how we think about things, how we spin them and the meaning we give them
~We have a choice on how we proceed with what we think and how we allow it to dictate the rest
What is fascinating about this is that there is choice everywhere, even the lens we put on…
Everything is constructed… There is no real true reality!
What does this mean for us? It means freedom, that’s what it means. It means we don’t have to be beholding to the habit of being ourselves…
We don’t have to be stuck with the hand we believe we were dealt…
We don’t have to be who we think we are.
We don’t have to be in the relationship we think we are in.
We don’t have to have the partner we believe we have.
And so on, for all this is constructed!
Everything in our life is the repetition of the observation, the thought, the feeling and the behavior. These are all habits (patterns)!
You can decide to be a different person, and be it. You can decide to have a different partner, and have a different partner (without exchanging them for a new person). You can decide to have a different relationship, and have it. You can decide to have a different life, and so it is…
I’m sure this feels really farfetched if you are not used to this fluidity… and looking at things this way… But give it a try nonetheless.
It is extremely liberating to surrender the constraints of what we think Is…
A New Reality…
We can create whatever reality we want… Once you are open to this possibility, anything is possible (pun intended!).
Self – What character strengths would you like to have? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up in the world?
Start cultivating these strengths, show up as the person you want to be… Keep course correcting when you go back to being your usual self. It takes a while to create a new habit…
Relationship – What kind of partner do you want to be? What kind of relationship do you want to create? How do you want to show up to your relationship? Start showing up as this partner, responding as this partner and nurturing as this partner… Keep course correcting when you go back to interacting with your usual self (when your partner supposedly instigated something from you [purposeful sarcasm]). It takes a while to create a new habit…
Life – What kind of life do you want to have? How abundant is your life? What experiences do you want to have? How is your life meaningful? Start noticing more all the awesomeness in your life, being more grateful for everything in it, setting intentions for experiencing your amazing life, and upgrading the meaning you give it… Keep course correcting when you go back to your usual witnessing self. It takes a while to create a new habit…
Pay attention to your belief systems, your narratives and your stories – all these can be dismantled and reassembled in any way you’d like… You can make any case you want… Make beautiful and empowering ones!
You can connect dots however you like to make up whatever picture you want…
You can interpret data however you like to make whatever case you want…
Your reality is just a construction… Construct what you want!
This is your starting point, deconstruct and reconstruct what you already have… See the freshness emerging already!?
Read more on deconstructing and complete the Application exercise ON THE BLOG https://bit.ly/3JnyB5s.
Download the Refresh for Newness Checklist https://bit.ly/3wi8HMW and allow the new to emerge!
… Enjoy!
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.
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