I know that it can really sting to find out that your husband had an affair. It can have an enormous impact on your life and really shake you to the core. In an instant you can feel like the floor just fell out from under your feet and you’re plunging into a world of agony. I’ve been there myself and I know what you’re going through.

Also, don’t get me wrong. I’m not blaming you for your husband’s decision to cheat. It was ultimately his choice to do what he did.

What I’m talking about here is understanding that most affairs happen because there was something wrong with your relationship. He felt that he wasn’t getting his needs met (usually emotional needs) met and decided to look for them outside the relationship rather than working things out with you.

Sure, he decided to cheat, but at the same time, you need to take responsibility for what you did or didn’t do to drive him away from you. Remember that a relationship takes two people, and if a relationship isn’t working then you contributed partially to it’s deterioration.

Here are 3 things that women do that constantly drive men into another woman’s arms:

Nagging and Complaining - To you, I’m sure doing these things is just your way of communicating what is on your mind. Complaining is just a way that you express what your day was like, and nagging is just your way of getting your husband to do the things that need to get done.

but you have to understand that to him, complaining comes off as something that he needs to fix. Men are natural problem solvers and when presented with a complaint, they will try to fix it. Nagging, on the other hand, makes him feel like he is somehow inadequate or not good enough.

When men don’t feel “good enough” they will start to distance themselves from you and can be easily drawn in by a woman that shows them respect and appreciation.

Emotional Distance - Another reason why you may have contributed to the affair is because you and your husband haven’t taken the time to connect emotionally. I know that there is a popular stereotype that men only care about sex, but did you know that most men say that they had an affair because they didn’t feel an emotional connection with their wife.

I know that life is busy and between work and getting all the errands done, it is difficult to find time to really connect with each other, but if you’re not there to provide emotional companionship to your husband, he may start to look for it elsewhere.

Being Too Clingy - At the same time, you don’t want to become too clingy and dependent on him either. They say that the harder you try to get something the more difficult it is to attain. I know that you simply want to be close to him, but if you don’t give him his space once in a while, he will feel smothered.

It is important to strike that balance between being an independent woman and taking the time to really have fun and enjoy each other’s company.

Author's Bio: 

If you want to learn more about what you can do after an affair, please read My Husband Is Cheating on the website Why Do Guys Cheat.

Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.