Even though someone will look whole and complete on the outside, it doesn’t mean that they will feel whole and complete on the inside. When it comes to their inner experience, they can feel cut off and as though they lack substance.

Then again, how they experience life can just be what is normal, and this means that they won’t be consciously aware of it. Nonetheless, being this way won’t stop them from living a life that is anything but fulfilling.

The Norm

Now, assuming that they are not aware of the fact that they feel cut off and lack substance, they are going to live up to, so to speak. Their awareness is then typically going to be in their head and not in their body.

As a result of this, they can often feel lonely and experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety. Along with this, they can often lack motivation and struggle to find the energy that they need.

A Burden

Instead of seeing life as a blessing, it could largely be seen as a curse and as something that they have to endure. They can then just do what they need to do to survive but that could be about as far as it goes.

They could spend a lot of time by themselves and seldom feel a strong need to reach out to and be around others. This could mean that they don’t have any close friends and could just have what could be seen as associates.

Here but not here

Based on how they generally live their life, it could be said that they will just be going through the motions and won’t be truly living. There may be times when they go to bed and hope that they don’t wake up and even think about ending their life.

This will show that they are in a lot of pain and are struggling to handle the life that they have been given. Furthermore, it will also show that there is not a lot of good in their life or much for them to truly live for.


Therefore, if they don’t feel anxious and fearful, they will feel very low and depressed. When they are in this place, they can see no way out of the hole that they are in and be desperate for their life to change.

They will be tormented by their mind and will want some relief from this part of them. To handle the pain that they are in, they could end up consuming something or engaging in some kind of activity.

Short Term Relief

This won’t transform their life but what it will do is give them a much-needed break from the pain that they often experience. But, once they are back in touch with what is going on inside them, it could be even harder for them to handle what is going on.

What is clear is that the sooner their life changes, the better off they will be. The truth is that they don’t deserve to suffer and there is another way for them to experience life.

Stepping Back

If they are able to detach from what is going on and reflect on their life, they might wonder why their life is this way. They might struggle to understand why they feel disconnected from themselves, lack energy, often feel edgy, see life as a burden, isolate themselves, often feel low and sometimes don’t want to exist, among other things.

What might stand out is that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember. At this point, what could enter their mind is that they were born this way and this is then how their life will always be.

A Closer Look

There is a strong chance that they were not just born this way, that is unless what they are like is primarily due to what took place whilst they were in their mother’s womb, and they could be. If it is, then this is likely to show that this stage was very traumatic and thus, caused them to disconnect from themselves.

Yet, if this stage wasn’t traumatic and even if it was, their developmental years might have been traumatic. From the moment they were born, they might have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care.

A Brutal Time

The pain that they experienced would have been too much for their underdeveloped brain and nervous system to handle. To stop them from being completely overwhelmed and their life coming to an end in the process, their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and they would have gone into a shut down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state.

What this trauma would have done, that’s if this hadn’t already taken place when they were in their mother’s womb, is caused them to become estranged from themselves and for a big part of them to be spilt off and go into hiding. The years would have gone by and their physical body and even their intellect will have continued to grow, but their emotional self will have stayed in an underdeveloped state.

Moving Forward

Another way of looking at this would be to say that their true self went into hiding very early on and in its place a disconnected, false self was formed. For their life to change, it won’t just be a case of them reconnecting to their true self.

No, they will have a lot of pain inside them, defences in place and a big part of their ego structure will have gone into hiding. This is why it will take time for them to change their life.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to move forward, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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