Do You Suffer From Negative Self Talk?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

This is one of my favourite sayings, because we have all experienced pain, grief, suffering and struggles at some stage in our formative years. Very often, the challenges that were presented to us were a direct reflection of the pain and suffering our parent figures went through themselves, or at least an expression of it.

It is impossible to give away something you do not have yourself. If you do not love yourself, it is nigh on impossible to love someone else. If you have no forgiveness for yourself or your actions, then you will be unable to find it in your heart to truly forgive someone else.

It seems to be very common to hear those around you putting themselves down or speaking to themselves really harshly for some slight misdemeanour. When we constantly criticize ourselves and other people, then we are inviting others to do the same to us. Someone once told me to talk to myself as I would to a three year old child, and I was shocked at how cruelly I spoke to myself,- I would always speak to a child with love and respect, so why not myself? I would also take time to listen to a child and find out what is wrong, whereas with myself, I used to go straight into criticism.

For me, and for many others, I suspect, this is a battle with some really entrenched belief systems about how little worth we have. It only takes 3 times of saying to a child "Don't be stupid", or something similar, and this becomes a belief system. Imagine how many people are walking round on this planet with low self esteem because they were told to grow up, not to cry, be brave, or not be stupid, because that was the way children were raised not so long ago?

Despite all of this, today I have a choice. I can repeat the behaviour of yesterday, or I can choose to change the way I speak to myself and others. Whatever happened in the past, choosing to act with kindness and compassion to myself is a daily reminder that tomorrow is what counts and what I choose to do with it will determine how my life looks from here on in.

What will your tomorrow look like? Make it count!

Written by Caroline Nettle

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