By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Being honest and trustworthy is at the heart of all the best loving relationships we have studied. In our thousands of interviews with happily married couples, we are always struck by their undying trust in each other. They literally trust each other with their lives, their entire wellbeing, and their sacred honor.

The words they use to describe the one they love more often than not include words and expressions like trust, honesty, loyalty, respects me, admires me, always there for me, never lets me down, truthful, and never lies to me. Their trust for each other is about as complete as you can get. And when we ask couples in love during our interviews to place, in an overall sense, where their relationship is on a 10-point scale with 10 being “Absolute Trust,” without exception, they say “10!” Isn’t that remarkably wonderful?

Unfortunately, all too often in life people fall in love blindly. They refuse to make note of how the actions of another person define them. They pay too much attention to words and way too little to actions.

Here is an undeniable truth about people – actions speak louder than words! We know, you’ve heard this all before! But the truth is, you can, and must, judge a person by their actions and NOT by their words!

Words are cheap. Actions mean everything! The truth is always there for all to see when you observe the way people act and respond, rarely by what they say. Good people practice what they preach. Here’s why.

In answer to the question, “Can you trust the person you love?” you must always remember this – you can tell a lot about a person by their actions. How do they respond to you? How do they treat you? How does they treat your friends, your family, the dog, and all of the other people and things you love? How do they treat the janitor, the person who cuts your grass, or the checker at the supermarket?

A good person, a decent person, will always demonstrate who they are by their consistent actions. To know the real truth about a person – pay close and careful attention to their actions over a period of several weeks and then ask yourself this question – are they really what they appears to be? Consistent actions will tell you what you need to know, for good or for bad.

As Love and Marriage Experts, we have been working with a couple who have been married for nearly 22 years and they are calling it quits. Why just today, she told us that it was time to get out of the relationship – time to “fish or cut bate.” For nearly 22 years, her husband had mentally abused her and the children, while all the time boasting about how much he loved them. Actions speak louder than words!

The truth is, you can’t really love your children when you constantly berate them. You can’t truly love anyone that you put down, yell at, or constantly point out their failings and their frailties.

When you love someone, you learn to live with their failings, their mistakes, and their transgressions. In the end, you love them for what they are – for what they are in their heart and in their soul.

We all make mistakes. We all do dumb things from time to time. And the truth is, we more often than not, recover from the shortcomings we have. Honest, one-time mistakes are forgivable. On the other hand, repeated actions reveal who a person really is – for good or for bad.

A psychologist friend of ours reminds us from time to time about the “pervasive characteristics” present in human beings. These are “recurring patterns of thought and behavior” that defines a person – that tells us who they are. And recurring patterns of thought and behavior for the most part do not change when a person is an adult. In reality, these pervasive characteristics define who you are. Oh, sure, some people can cover up their real personality characteristics from time to time, but if you observe them long enough you will learn who they really are.

When you fall in love make it for all the right reasons. Don’t ignore the signs. Don’t ignore the glitches. Pay attention and your reward will, more often than not, be true love with a person you can trust. Ignore their actions and you do so at your own peril.

Trust is not something all loving relationships start with. For some couples the trust becomes complete in a few years. For others, it takes awhile. But one thing is for sure; happy and successful marriages and relationships survive and thrive on the basis of this trust. Trust is so pervasive in their relationship that they never give it a second thought. They expect it. It’s always there. It is part of the fabric of their relationship.

You see, character in a successful marriage or relationship does matter, and character is about trust. Being honest and trustworthy is at the heart of all the best loving relationships we have studied. It really is a 10 on a 10-point scale. In our estimation as love and marriage experts, character is the foundation of true love! Therefore, character in the man you love is an essential ingredient for lasting love.

Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your marriage work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts .

**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own and buy How to Marry the Right Guy, to find out if your guy has the essential characteristics to be a great husband.

By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Author's Bio: 

As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With over 30 years of research on love and successful marriage across seven continents of the world in 48 countries and their own 47-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.

Get started with America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts by taking their Marriage Quiz or sending your questions to Ask the Doctors for Marriage Advice.

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