​Even though someone will have the right to be here and have needs, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this at the core of their being. As a result of this, they can see both themselves and their needs as a burden.

However, this could be something that is outside their awareness, which means that they won’t be consciously aware of this. But, if this is the case, what is going on deep down is still going to have a big impact on their life.

Super Independent

So, what can be normal is for them to try to do just about everything by themselves. They could tell themselves, and others, that they don’t need others and even criticise those that do reach out to others.

Being this way could fill them with pride and there could be moments when they see themselves as being better than others. Still, as they are an interdependent human being that needs others, being this way is going to cause them to suffer in one way or another.

One outcome

Every now and then, they could feel very low and find it hard to do just about anything. Due to this, they could end up coming to the conclusion that they suffer from depression.

But, even if they do come to this conclusion, they might not tell anyone about it or reach out for support. Instead, they could simply avoid what is going on for them by consuming something or engaging in an activity.

A Heavy Weight

Naturally, living in this way is going to cause them to experience a lot of pressure. If they were not an interdependent human being, living in this way wouldn’t be an issue.

Sooner or later, they could get to the point where they are no longer able to behave in this way and hit rock bottom. It is at this stage that they could end up wondering why they try to do so much by themselves and don’t reach out.

An Exercise

If they were to imagine reaching out to another and expressing a need or sharing how they feel, they could end up feeling deeply uncomfortable. This could be a time when they will feel the need to go back to how they were before.

By staying with this, though, they could find that they feel ashamed of their needs and feelings. They could also expect the other person to be critical or reject them and end up walking away.

Not a Surprise

With this in mind, it is going to be clear why they have hidden their needs and acted needless. What should feel comfortable is going to be seen as something that will cause them to be cast aside and die.

As expressing their needs and feelings are seen as something that is a big risk, then, there is going to be no reason for them to act like an interdependent human being. Ultimately, they will be experiencing inner conflict and this will make their life far harder than it needs to be.

What’s going on?

If they were to open up to another about what is going on, they could be told that there is nothing wrong with their needs and feelings and that they need to accept this. This could be someone who feels comfortable expressing their needs and how they feel to their friends and family.

They might agree with them but it might not be possible for them to just accept this. A big part of them is going to feel comfortable acting needless and they won’t just be able to let go do this part of themselves.

Going Deeper

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when one of both of their parents was unable to truly be there for them and provide them with the love that they needed.

Due to the issues that one or both of their parents had, they might have seen one’s needs as a problem. Thus, whenever they expressed a need, they might have ended up being disapproved of, rejected and even abandoned.

A Painful Time

Before long, they would have ended up disconnecting from a number of their needs and feelings. This would have stopped them from being able to be a whole human being but it would have also stopped them from being overwhelmed with pain.

Their true self would have gone into hiding and they would have created a disconnected false self. Not being needy or asking for much would have allowed them to please their parent or parents and survive.

The Truth

There was nothing wrong with their needs at this stage of their life and there is nothing wrong with them now. They deserve to be here and to have people in their life who can be there for them.

For them to know this, at the core of their being, they are likely to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through. This will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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