By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

It is hard to accept by many, but love sometimes ends. Marriages fail. Relationships collapse. The flames of love die out. What started out with so much promise sometimes ends in disaster.

Couples who fell passionately in love once now find themselves hopelessly and painfully out of love. It happens. It hurts. And some people just can’t get over it.

Unfortunately, the divorce rate among first time married couples in the United States runs about 38% and for all marriages about 50%. We might add, there are no credible comparable statistics for those who are not married but who simply were in love but fell out of love. Whatever that number is, it is clear that too many couples end their loving relationship. The reasons are multiple and varied. But the outcome is the same – love ends for many. Why that happens is a discussion for another day.

On the other hand, many couples whose flames of love are extinguished decide to strike another match. They decide to re-light the fire of love. They decide to fall in love all over again.

For those who decide to engage in another loving relationship with another person, some want short-term love without long-term commitments. That’s okay, but the focus of our discussion today is on those individuals who want to fall in love on a long-term basis all over again.

Today, a Texas friend of ours was describing to us the new women in his life. According to him, she is fun-loving, a great dancer, humorous, kind hearted, educated, attractive, one who loves the outdoors, and a person that makes him feel all of those things that define “being in love.”

It is clear from his description of how he feels that after a divorce and a number of failed relationships, he is possibly in love again! We are pleased for him. We are excited for him. And most importantly, he is turned on to love again. And when we asked him if he thinks of her when she is not around, he responded emphatically, “Yes!”

But here is where the story gets interesting. He wanted to go scuba diving in Belize. It was a dream of his to dive into the beautifully clear and wonderfully warm blue waters and swim with all of the creatures of the sea. He had held off going to Belize for 20 years wanting to take a woman companion. He found out that she also dove and he asked her if she had any interest in going on vacation together. Clearly, a bold move on his part!

Initially she was hesitant to accept. To our friend’s great credit, he asked her why? He offered to rent two separate hotel rooms to prove his valor and his innocence. He told her that there were no “strings attached” to his offer to her to travel with him and no expectations other than diving, sightseeing and having fun. He enjoyed being with her. He loved her company. He loves her we think.

He was now faced with a dilemma. If he pushed too hard she might run away. She had experienced a failed marriage herself and as a consequence was afraid to move too fast as she did not want to engage in another failed relationship. It was clear to her and to our friend – the rekindling of love with another person takes time. To move too fast is often the strategy that ends a promising new love affair.

Well, this budding love affair has a happy ending. Our friend backed off. He told her he was “reluctant in love” just like she was. He didn’t want to fail at love again. He decided to give her some breathing room.

A few days later, after a wonderful date that included dinner, an intimate Jesse Colin Young concert, a convertible ride with a promise of Beethoven at the Dallas Symphony the following weekend, and a few hours dancing at one of Texas’s finer dance halls, he asked her if she had decided about the trip.

She told him, “Yes, I would like very much to go to Belize with you.” His heart pounded. His palms sweated. He got goosebumps. A big lump swelled up in his throat. He felt great and he also felt like crying. He was overjoyed.

We had told him earlier in the day the wonderful story we had heard long ago about a beautiful and elusive butterfly. Butterflies are lovely to look at. Their colors are magnificent. They often mesmerize us. Their beauty captivates us. Sometimes, we reach out to them, try to grab them, only to watch them fly away. We chase after them, but the result is often the same. They elude us. They escape us.

But more often than not, if we just sit down under a tall Oak tree and enjoy the beauty of life, the blue of the sky, and the tranquility of where we are, the elusive butterfly will land on our shoulder. There are lessons to be learned from the butterfly. Lessons about love and life and falling in love all over again.

Love worth having is worth waiting for. You can learn a lot from a butterfly, especially about falling in love all over again.

Read our latest book, How to Marry the Right Guy, to find out if you have man you should marry.

By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

* Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your relationship work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, as love and marriage experts we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed throughout the world and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts.

Author's Bio: 

As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With over 30 years of research on love and successful marriage across seven continents of the world in 48 countries and their own 47-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.

Get started with America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts by taking their Marriage Quiz or sending your questions to Ask the Doctors for Marriage Advice.

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