Fed Up With Husbands Attitude: What To Do When You Are Fed Up With Your Husband - Fed Up With His Attitude

Fed Up With Husbands Attitude: What To Do When You Are Fed Up With Your Husband - Fed Up With His Attitude

Some women find it hard to get better at understanding men. They try to understand why he does certain things or says things that simply sound weird to her. For this reason, the girlfriend/wife might seek to try and change the man or "improve" him. In general, men tend to react negatively to this. We are how we are and if you don't like it, then we can't continue being together with you. I used to have a lot of little things that really annoyed my wife but through some sneaky psychological tricks, she managed to change me for the better without making me hate her in the process.

1. Fair Trade

This is actually a pretty simple technique. It rides on the concept of obligation and is somewhat covered in Cialdini's studies of persuasion. She asked me what I found annoying in her and wrote it all down. She told me, "OK, I'll stop correcting you when you talk."

The idea is, if you do something for someone, they'll have to do something for you in return, as thanks. She made an effort to do so and after a month, I actually felt that she respected me more by listening the entire time. This made me happy to change my bad habits for her.

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2. Things I Hate

My wife actually started off by helping me change an aspect of myself that I didn't like: my tendency to talk too fast when I was in public. She simply helped me calm down when I was in public so that I didn't feel flustered.

By tackling a problem of mine that both of us didn't like, I felt more indebted to her for helping me solve a problem of mine. As such, I changed an aspect of myself that I didn't have a problem with that she found annoying.

3. Working Together

My wife employed a final technique that actually deepened our relationship and that was turning me into her accountability partner. She has a few issues herself that she wants to get over, but without someone to watch over her, she falls back into old habits.

By having me check her daily progress, she now doesn't have the bad habit of biting her nails anymore. The awesome thing is I also don't have the habit of swearing when I'm angry anymore either, simply because she was my accountability partner. Every her and I bit our nails and swore less respectively. She didn't like my swearing, and by making me help her out, she indirectly stopped my problem.

If you want to get better at understanding men and how to make us stop our bad habits, try one of those three techniques to improve your man. The best thing is, he won't hate you for doing it and will be thankful for making you into a better person.

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I have been married for 44 years and have heard all kinds of reasons why marriages fail. Divorce continues to be all too common in our society and, sadly to say, many couples are breaking up for reasons that could be worked through if the couples had the right skills to communicate effectively. It's kind of interesting that plumbers and electricians have to work towards a license to practice their trade but couples don't have to have any training to get married. Would you agree that marriage relationships can be more difficult than un-clogging a drain (with apologies to my plumber friends)? Perhaps the reason most often given for the breakup of a marriage is finances. Money is always a hot topic because it represents who we are and what we do. It tends to define our identity so when we argue about money, our very core being is offended and hurt.

There are four keys to building intimacy in a marriage that can be learned and implemented if both husband and wife humble themselves, agree to take responsibility, and practice these pointers. First, a successful marriage is about two very good forgivers living under the same roof and realizing that "the person I married isn't perfect and neither am I". Second, to have a marriage that doesn't just survive but thrives, each person must take personal responsibility to proactively be the best person they can be physically, socially, spiritually, and relationally.

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That means being dedicated to the process of personal growth and not looking at your spouse and wishing that he or she would change. Third, daily appreciation of your spouse is imperative. By sharing appreciations daily, we are daily putting deposits into each others' love bank. If we aren't doing that, we will eventually go emotionally and relationally bankrupt. That means we must look for something in our spouse to appreciate; either a character quality or perhaps something you observed them doing or perhaps a way they handled a certain situation. Fourth, commit to not use the "D" word. Once you introduce the divorce word into a conversation, it makes it easier to actually carry through with that act. Billy Graham's wife, Ruth, was asked if she had ever considered divorce from her famous evangelist husband. Her reply was, "Divorce? No! Murder? Yes!"

While that somewhat humorous answer captures the frustration that marriage can bring, you must be committed to forgiving each other, taking personal responsibility for your own growth, giving daily appreciations to your spouse, and being committed to each other for the long haul and avoiding the temptation to use the "D" word.

Your marriage doesn't have to just survive; it can thrive as you apply these simple but profound pointers and build closeness with your spouse.

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So, you have been in a committed relationship for many years, you're bored and have considered ending the relationship and moving on with your life. When determining whether to stay or go, you really need to ask yourself several things before pulling the plug. Why did you enter into the relationship in the first place? Are you looking for love? Do you need financial security? Is your goal to raise a family together? Is your relationship more of a partnership? Do you stay because being with your partner is familiar? Do you think you don't deserve better? None of these reasons are wrong, but if you are considering leaving the relationship, it's important to know why you're there in the first place.

Remember, all relationships hit rough spots; some can be fixed and some cannot. Life is full of choices. We can decide where to live, where to work, and who to marry. So, just as we can move if we don't like where we live, or changes job if we don't like where we work, is it just as simple to change who we love if we feel we have chosen incorrectly? Well, actually, it is easy to get out of a marriage; probably too easy.

People who suddenly become unhappy with their spouses or partners nearly always start thinking about how much happier they would be if they were with someone else. Is the grass always greener on the other side? Definitely not. Would the grass be greener if I married my high school sweetheart? Definitely not. Would the grass appear to be greener with somebody else right now since I don't feel particularly happy with my current partner? Absolutely. Should I go? No one can make that decision for us and before you do, here are a few things to keep in mind.

- You made a commitment and (if you are married) took a vow to remain with your spouse forever.

- Finding someone else may make the grass appear to be greener on the other side because of the hormones felt during the beginning of an attraction. Remember, those feelings are more lust than love.

- Every relationship has problems and issues that need to, and usually can, be worked through.

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Consider that basically, there are only a few types of problems. You need to know the type of problem you are having and whether you can work through it (or if you're willing to work through it). There are one-time problems that are easily solved; cyclical problems that will never go away, such as emotional needs; deal-breaker issues when one partner can't live with something; and wounding problems that will cause one partner to disengage over time.

If your relationship is fairly new, you are probably still in the lusting stage. If things have already gone awry so early in the relationship, you should probably go. You haven't even hit the "love" stage yet and if there are already problems in the "lust" stage, this relationship may not be meant for the long term. If you have moved in with your partner, you may be noticing traits you've never seen before. Maybe your significant other talks down to you and treats you like a child. Maybe there is always an argument about every little decision, such as the color of curtains or the type of dish detergent you use.

There are a lot of things you may not know about your partner until you move forward, in time, with your relationship. However, it's good to know these things before you commit to a long-term relationship. Being attracted to somebody, physically, is a different ball game than committing to them for life, especially if you find they are picky, selfish, and have no respect or regard for you and your preferences. Small issues can be resolved with improved communication skills; however, it is foolish to think you can change somebody's core beliefs and values. Never stay with somebody if you only have great sexual chemistry and nothing else. Sexual chemistry is a good thing; however, if you cannot trust this person as well, how will your future be down the road several years from now?

Consider the following things before making your decision to stay or to go.

1. Do you and your partner communicate to resolve conflicts, or do you just ignore disagreements?

2. Think about the consequences that come with ending your relationship. If your partner has ever told you, "Don't even think about leaving me," or anything similar to that, plan your exit before telling your partner you are leaving.

3. Imagine your life without your partner. Does that give you a sense of relief or a sense of sadness?

4. Have you remained true to yourself or have you given up everything you possibly could give up to keep your partner happy without receiving anything from your partner that you need?

Once you have considered all there is when choosing to stay or to go, you will ultimately have to listen to your heart and rely on your judgment. If you are stuck in trying to decide whether you should stay or go, call the Orange County Relationship Center to schedule an appointment with one of our trained professionals.

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Eugenia, twenty-three years old, is a pretty and confident lady from a secure and well-to-do family. Her family doted on her since she was an only child - and she grew up with the idea that the world was her oyster. She then met Laud, twenty-six and just out of his degree course in Business Administration, on a beach in Accra, Ghana. Eugenia had just graduated from college and her parents gave her the trip as a graduation present; Laud had just passed his exams and used a chunk of his savings to treat himself to a "congratulations" gift. One look at each other, Eugenia and Laud fell in love. The chemistry was terrific. They both felt on top of the world now that they had gotten through school, and pleasant evening breezes didn't hurt either. Only a few days into their romance, Eugenia decided Laud was the one. He was handsome, hardworking, and had all the right credential. He was right out of her girlhood picture of the perfect match. Laud was obviously taken with Eugenia too, when they discovered they both had plans to move to Miami and the idea hit them both simultaneously: they were so much in love, why not live together?

That's exactly what they did. Only Eugenia had a not-so-hidden agenda. From the first week of living together, she began to apply pressure, her parents were not pleased that she was living with a man and were badgering her to get married. Laud was just starting to open a small firm and wouldn't it help his career to have a wife. What Eugenia managed to do was maneuver Laud into marriage - not that he might not have come to want it on his own, but Eugenia, Laud later realized, was doing the pushing. Laud, who has visited consultant, began to realize what was going on, is now able to see Eugenia's motivations more clearly: "Once we got married," he said, "Eugenia began the same pressure techniques about moving out of Miami... I tried to explain that I wasn't making enough money yet to buy a house, I'd only just started my small firm. But it was like she didn't hear me and listened to me about anything. All that was at pleasure for her was fulfilling her own agendas and fantasies about what she wanted out of the marriage. She had married the marriage, she hadn't married me."

Eugenia was trying to force Laud into her own dream without consulting him. Eugenia and Laud face some difficult days ahead: she has to awaken to the fact that marriage means a commitment to an actual person, not an idea, and he has to face the possibility that once she does finally see him, they may each have second thoughts about their relationship. There's also no guarantee that Eugenia will wake up to Laud's reality; if she doesn't Laud will have to decide whether he wants to continue in the marriage.

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The problem Laud and Eugenia illustrate is very common. One very common and painful trap that many men and women fall into when they get married is that they marry the idea of marriage; they don't really marry a human being at all. Or they may marry the life-style certain marriages make possible, with no real though to the person attached to it. Some partners are really attracted to life-styles, not to other people. Someone's wealth, prestige, connections, family - there are a number of lures we may fall for other than actual man or woman. People married to this kind of fantasy aren't really married at all; they have simply bought into an idea of marriage without any sense that there is a fallible human being attached. Waking up and realizing that you are in a myth, not a marriage can be painful: it means giving up some simplistic ideas about what you thought marriage meant, and it may mean having to get to know the man you have married and vice versa for the first time - maybe years after you said "I do".

The value of looking at love in marriage isn't about material possession; it goes down to sharing both bad and good times. Proverbs 31:10 says, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth more than rubies". Both partners in serious relationship (marriage) look out for marrying human being and not ideas in marriage. You can't only get happiness from the ideas in marriage, but happiness comes from marrying the human being. A lot of people whine of not finding happiness in their relationship. Have you asked yourself the root of this entire whine? It may be that you demand too much from your partner or doesn't support him/her spiritually, physically, morally, and affectionately.

Marriage was a surefire for partners to know they had had enough to eat, shelter over their heads and financial support to raise children. But deeper than that, marriage played a significant psychological role for the couples: It defined couples sense of self in a way noting else could. This is because marriage meant a "complete" life; the very act of being married provided a genuinely fulfilling, validating and psychologically rewarding experience for most couples.

The value of looking at Eugenia's predicament isn't in judging her inability to see and accept her husband and her life for what they really are. It's in allowing her story to nudge us into recognizing ways we may be similarly trapping ourselves into falsehood marriages. You can't get out of a trap until you see how it works. That's the point, so choose a good partner who marries a human being and not the idea of marrying.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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