My Husband Can't Satisfy Me Sexually: When Your Husband's Sex Drive Is Gone

As a sex therapist and psychologist in Orange County, CA, I have found that a lot of people believe that it's always the woman who has no sex drive. But that is a myth. Women also call to complain that their husband or male partner has no interest in sex. Women who have a husband with low libido, like men with wives who have no drive, also state that they feel rejected, unloved, and unattractive. In part because of the myth that "men always want sex," they sometimes feel even more desperate than their male counterparts. They experience intense sadness and become frustrated. And, like men, women who are dissatisfied with their sex lives may stray outside their marriage to get their needs met.

So what does it mean when a man loses interest in being intimate with his wife? When it comes to sex, even if you're not talking about it, you're communicating something. When a man withholds sex from his partner, more often than not, he's expressing displeasure with some aspect of the relationship. What displeases a man is differs from situation from situation. He may feel unappreciated, hurt, or angry. He may lack confidence or feel bad about his body. A man might feel confused about his feelings for his partner. He may be afraid to talk to her about how he really feels, hiding his unhappiness. Or he may simply be under stress, worried, or depressed.

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But getting a man to open up and talk about his unhappiness directly can be difficult. Quite often, he himself has no idea why he's upset. All he knows is that he doesn't much feel like having sex, and there the story ends, leaving his partner frustrated. That's when a therapist can be helpful.

It can be difficult to convince a man to come into therapy, if a woman thinks this might be helpful. He may call it "hocus pocus," accuse the therapist of "just wanting to make money off of us," or feel too embarrassed to talk about his problems. If you can meet with someone that either specializes in sex therapy or working with male clients, you have a better chance that the male partner will be put at ease.

Even though this is a difficult situation, it can be important that a woman supports her partner. His lack of interest in sex may be tough for him, too. Instead of making threats or saying things meant to be hurtful, work on the problem together.

I do frequently advise that physical problems be ruled out. Unless you're trained in medicine, you really can't tell just by looking or studying someone's behavior what might be going on in someone's body. Low testosterone and other medical problems can interfere with desire. So can use of substances like alcohol, marijuana, and even nicotine. Ideally, you may be able to find a urologist with a special interest in sexual medicine, but if that isn't possible, having a frank discussion with a general practitioner (GP) can be helpful.

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The wife-husband relationship is the most important of all relationships. It is also the most complicated. Marriages fail mainly because the partners fail to understand the underlying dynamics in this relationship. All it needs for a successful marriage partnership is the understanding of the issues by one person. If both of them understand the dynamics, then the marriage can be aptly described as one made in heaven!

The complications in the wife-husband relationship arise from the fact that men and women are different in their mental make up, their approach to issues, their emotional levels and their ways of expressing their emotions. These differences in the personalities manifest in their behavior. If one person's behavior is not understood by the other in the proper perspective, problems arise.

Let us consider a couple of situations.

When faced with a problem, a man will silently ponder over it. He will not discuss it even with his close friends, unless he needs the help of others in solving the problem. A woman, on the other hand, has a tendency to discuss the problems even with strangers. She looks for help from everyone. The man will naturally resent it and the woman will justify her behavior. This can lead to a problem in the wife-husband relationship.

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Another area of difference may arise from the woman's tendency to talk a lot. She just wants someone to listen to her opinions. She does not care, if the other person rejects her suggestions. But she wants to talk and wants the other to listen. This is a courtesy she expects from others, especially her husband. The husband may either ignore her completely or snub her. She cannot take kindly to this treatment. At the other extreme, a man will ask his wife to do something but will not find it necessary to tell her the reasons. He may just feel that it is not needed but the woman will view it as an arrogant behavior.

Understanding these patterns can help you modify your behavior. You will learn to think about what your partner needs from you. Your wife-husband relationship will be much stronger and happier, as a result of these adjustments.

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If you're struggling with the concept of understanding men and why your efforts to make him love you more are being unnoticed, this article will explain what you're doing wrong and what you should be doing instead. We lie to each other every day. Sometimes, it happens so quickly that before we know that we've done it, it's already happened. Sometimes, we lie about our emotions so that we avoid conflict. In this case, I'm going to show you how you can ethically lie to your man to make him grow closer to you. My wife does this to me all the time and I've grown to actually like it when she lies to me.

1. "I'm disappointed In You."

No one likes to disappoint anyone, especially if that person you've disappointed is someone that you care about. Sometimes there are little things that disappoint us about the other person that we simply ignore because they're too trivial.

Nothing is stopping you from bringing it up again and making him more aware that he does have to work hard for your love. Maybe its his lack of cleanliness. Maybe you don't like his swearing. If you can give him the impression that he's let you down, it works even better.

2. "I'm Feeling Sad..."

This is another emotion that gets men confused but also draws us closer to you. If we see someone who's sad, our natural reaction is to try and help them out. If that person is our girlfriend/wife, you can bet that we'll be even more determined to figure out what's wrong.

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My wife gets sad over little things sometimes. When she wants me to comfort her, she simply intensifies her sadness. She might cry a little bit. To make me really care, she actually pushes me away by telling me not to help her. What can I do but not love her more if she does this?

3. "I'm Angry At You."

This is related to the disappointment point. Again, there could be little things that annoy you, verging on the point of anger. If you really want to make it known to your man that he's doing something that's irking you, intensify your anger.

It's healthier than smothering yourself, at any rate. The key here is not to lose control and simply go off at your man. This will push him away from you instead of drawing him closer to you.

You see, you're not really lying to your man. What you feel is genuine, it's just all a matter of intensifying the emotion to a high enough level so that he notices and feels like he has to fix the problem. We like solving problems. This is a key point of understanding men. Use your emotions for the improvement of the relationship, not to break it down or to manipulate us.

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The first church marriage retreat my wife and I attended was a memorable one... for at least a week! Coming down the hill from that couple's retreat was a "high" for both of us but, honestly, the "high" didn't last long. It was a great experience to be with other couples and to hear great teaching about marriage but once we got down to the normal daily grind most of what we learned faded.

Since that first marriage retreat, we have attended several retreats, some better than others. I'm a firm believer that we can learn something valuable from any marriage event and that's the attitude we take. Some "stuff" is great; other information... not so great. That's how life is. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

After 44 years of marriage I am asking the question, "Are church marriage retreats that effective in bringing lasting change to couples who attend?" It's a valid question and one that deserves some thoughtful questions to perhaps help with that question.

Here are four evaluation questions that I use to help determine the effectiveness of a church's marriage retreat.

1. Is your retreat topic and content bringing new life and hope to your church's marriage retreat? Sometimes a new approach and/or topic can re-invigorate your retreat so that couples are intrigued to want to attend and have anticipation of learning new things that will make a different in their married life.

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2. Is your speaker(s) someone who will "bring it" and challenge couples with biblical marriage topics that are both informative and relevant? To find a good marriage retreat speaker means searching for someone who is not only an effective speaker, but also has a track record of a long-lasting marriage to draw on when sharing real-life experiences.

3. Does your retreat offer more than mere information about marriage? Learning biblical insights and principles is good and helpful; teaching communication skills that helps couples apply those principles is priceless!

4. Does your retreat schedule allow time for couples to relax, have fun, and be reinvigorated with each other as they build intimacy in their marriage? A schedule should include plenty of free time that allows couples to talk, enjoy walking together, and have special time in their rooms.

If you can think through these four questions as you plan for your next marriage retreat, you are more apt to have a church marriage retreat that will not only be memorable to the couples, it will help them grow their marriage for the long-term.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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