Feeling Lost and Alone In Marriage: Loneliness In An Unhappy Marriage
My mother often complained of having a lonely marriage. Dad would not have said that he was lonely in marriage. He had his hobbies and interests. She did, too. The problem was that they had no shared interests. That may be your problem, too.
There is no reason to settle for a lonely marriage. There must be interests that you share. Otherwise, you would never have gotten married. It is true that some couples rush to the altar before they really get to know each other. If that is the case in your situation, then schedule some time to get to know each other and make it a priority.
If you are lonely in marriage, you must be able to get your partner involved. If this is impossible, if he or she is resistant, there could be other problems. But, assuming that both parties are still in love and willing to work together, instead of against each other, there are ways to learn what you have in common and how you can spend more time together.
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For many couples, the issue is finding time. Both partners have individual commitments. You may have kids who require a lot of attention. But, there is always some way to work in more time to spend together if you try. You might also try becoming involved in something that your spouse enjoys doing.
If both of you are bored and lonely in marriage, consider taking a couples class or joining a club. Ask your spouse out on a date. When both of you enjoy the time spent together, schedule a weekly date night and try not to let anything interfere with it.
But, one of the quickest ways to cure a lonely marriage is to turn off the TV. If both of you are in the house and you're still lonely in marriage, the TV may be the problem. I have been in homes where the TV is on non-stop. When you turn it off, you find other things to do and you actually talk to each other.
An easy and inexpensive way to spend more time together is to go for a walk. It's good for your health and your relationship. As you're walking, talk about how you feel.
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Marital relationships require a regular infusion of emotional energy. No longer is it possible to leave the survival of a relationship to chance because people's expectations are that their relationship also provide happiness. It was different when people got married for economic reasons or had little choice as to whom they married.
When marriage is a matter of personal choice it takes emotional energy to keep it thriving. Gwen and Joe found after being married seventeen years that they had neglected to put joint emotional energy into their relationship. Joe, a hard working provider, put his emotional energy into his work while Gwen was busy raising their 4 children. Her emotional connection was with the children. This set up looked like it worked well for many years because neither of them acknowledged the emotional loneliness they were feeling. It was after one of them got into an affair that they began to face the emotional gap in their relationship.
Emotional energy is infused into a relationship in the following ways:
1. Think of each other
That sounds so basic yet is so important. When two people first choose each other they are very interested in each others thinking and feelings. When the demands of daily living take over the emphasis on growing together becomes a casualty.
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2. Create a joint history
It is the sharing of ideas, dreams, goals that provides closeness and a feeling of "we are in this together".
3. Do things together
Make time for each other. Set time on the calendar to connect just the two of you. Try to find time daily to just connect with each other. It may just be 15 minutes but if it is not on the calendar and a must in each others minds it is easily dismissed.
4. Make a commitment to be emotionally engaged in your relationship
Advance each others goals and at the same time honor the joint goals you have for your relationship.
5. Care about each others emotional well being
Gwen and Joe had neglected each others emotional well being. They had to refocus on each other while at the same time share their own needs and expectations. By investing emotional energy into the relationship they began to truly grow together.
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Did you know that within the marriage relationship and marriage issues both husband and wife either bear the wholeness of the One-Mind, or instead of separation from wholeness which is what often leads to infidelity in marriage?
How to save a relationship is in understanding that constant healing is a part of everyday life as humans in this world.
The ego-based human mind since the symbolic Garden of Eden has been living under constantly separating thought from the One Mind of Creation-- God, and continues to fragment to this day.
Marriage is God's conduit for love and wholeness.
It is meant to be in this world a safe harbor where a female and a male while in this world may be united and whole as a reflection or glimpse of our real Home-
- Heaven.
It is really difficult to have these glimpses of Home-- love and wholeness, when you are at odds with your spouse. Conflict drains our psychological and innovative energies.
Regretfully, many husbands and wives seem like they are sleeping with the opponent instead of with the oneness beyond the body which we really share.
How to save a relationship or fixing a broken marriage means understanding marriage is a reflection of wholeness of mind within our Creator.
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When a couple is on the same page, so to speak, they are displaying the wholeness of the Creation within the One-Mind of God.
Okay, now you have the basic idea of the marital relationship while we pass through time in this world, how to stop divorce and other marriage issues marital relationship needs a plan.
You must decide, when and for all, are you going to commit to honoring wholeness-- our real Home-- Heaven, through your marriage.
Let's move on if you are seeing what I mean here.
If you're making a plan to improve or begin fixing a broken marriage it's best to begin on the right foot.
Even if it is surviving an affair it needs taking obligation for the negative, wrong-minded things you have contributed to your marriage without justifying yourself or blaming your spouse.
Admitting to as a starting point for healing or undoing the separated mind can be a turning point in our lives.
It suggests we make a mindful shift as a contract, we may say, with wholeness of mind, which IS God, about healing our human projections of separation.
When we can let go of the idea of the body as who we truly are, thoughts of wholeness prevail over thoughts of separation.
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Relationships are living things. They require regular attention and nurturance to remain healthy and resilient. Without that attention and nurturance they become brittle, fragile, and weak. They can lose their ability to endure stressors and to rebound from tribulations. Connections between people require regular exercise to remain alive and well. Without these nourishing things, relationships can either break under duress or simply fade away and die of neglect.
Kit and Penny had been married for 15 years. They both had busy professional careers, three children, two dogs and a lizard. Their home was always busy, their lives full, and their marriage running on empty.
They never fought; neither one of them ever cheated; and finances, albeit sometimes tight, were never in crisis. There was no big disaster, no series of horrible events. There was also no intimate time. They spent no time with just the two of them, either at home or away from the house. If they happened to intersect, the conversation was limited to the business of managing the home and family. They discussed orthodontia, schedules of kids' activities, and family vacations. What they never discussed was their individual or relationship needs or feelings. Unfortunately, it never really occurred to them even to miss those kinds of discussions. They were so busy being a family that they made no time for being a couple.
For Penny the moment came at a company picnic. The adults were sitting around in the shade while the older kids organized a kickball game with the younger kids. Penny found herself sitting at the opposite side of the circle from where Kit was sitting. Kit was engaged in what appeared to be a lively and lighthearted conversation with two of her colleagues. He was leaning back in his chair and laughing heartily. Penny had the opportunity to observe him in a more objective way than was usually possible.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!
Her first thought was to notice how handsome he was. It had been a long time since she'd thought of him as handsome. She just thought of him as "Kit", and she realized that she'd stopped really seeing him at all.
It was then that she suddenly felt herself missing him. She knew this was a weird thought, since she saw him every day. She was aware, quite abruptly, that she hadn't spent any intimate time with him in a very long time. They had sex, of course, but when was the last time that they'd just hung out together and talked the way they used to?
Her thoughts were deflected when their youngest, Sam, took a ball to the face. His glasses had been smashed right into his face, and, while the glasses were undamaged, he was clearly going to need medical attention to stop the bleeding. Penny's maternal role quickly supplanted her romantic thoughts and off they went to urgent care.
For Kit the moment came that same day, at urgent care. Penny was holding Sam on her lap as they waited for his cut to be bandaged. Kit was across the room, at the reception counter filling out forms. When he handed the clipboard back to the receptionist, he turned around and found himself looking at Penny. She was obviously entertaining Sam to keep his mind off things. Sam was laughing as he snuggled against Penny.
Kit was thrown back to a memory of when he and Penny were first dating. They'd been riding bikes together when he'd hit a rock and been thrown off his bike. The face-plant and subsequent copious bleeding had sent them to the emergency room to get his nose X-rayed. As they'd sat waiting for his nose to get taped up, Penny had told him every lame joke she knew just to keep him laughing and distracted.
When was the last time that he and Penny had laughed together, just the two of them? He realized that he hadn't really cared in a long time whether he spent time with her or not. They did the business of family quite well, but he hadn't given much attention to Penny as a person in a long time. He recognized that what he'd been feeling was a combination of complacency and indifference. Seeing Sam laughing-while-bleeding brought back memories of the way he and Penny had been back at the beginning. Kit was pretty sure that he'd like to get that back. He was hoping that Penny felt the same way. He found himself worried that maybe she no longer cared.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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