Fight For Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another: How To Fight For Your Marriage When Separated

Sometimes you have to fight for love if you think it is worth it. Often a partner in a relationship or marriage becomes disillusioned and wants to make a break. The other partner may have totally been in the dark about their lovers feelings and now is wondering what to do.

You can win back your lover and stop the relationship from being over but you need to know what went wrong and what you could have done to make it a whole lot better You are probably wondering why you did not see their unhappiness and want to know what you can do to turn things around.

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Often a love is worth fighting for and if you feel this way you have to pull out all the stops and keep your lover leaving for good. Try to think what you can do like getting some relationship advice to win them back because it is not till things fall apart that we realize the error of our ways and try to change.

Know that your lover is not going to want things to stay the way they have been so work at being what it is they need. It may be really simple like noticing them more or doing more to help so if you want your lover to stay start doing those things that will show them you care. Nobody likes being taken for granted and if you did not see the signs of their dissatisfaction then maybe you are guilty of doing that.

If you want your lover to stay then fight for them with all your might. Be that guy or girl they want and learn never to let things go back to the way they were. This could be a wake up call and if you look at it from a positive point of view you can learn from it and become a better person and partner. Fight for your love whatever it takes.

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Frequently, couples request suggestions for how to boost their intimacy, better their communication skills, increase passion in their sexual relationship, etc. The following are 10 suggestions to relationship building, which incorporate communication, sex, and individual responsibility. It should be understood that exercises in couple's therapy could be extremely beneficial and useful; however, depending on troubles the couple may be experiencing these exercises may only provide a Band-Aid placed on a much bigger wound. Couples therapy can serve as a tool to practice and utilize the exercise while exploring how these patterns and interactions were started.

1. Taking Time: Setting a time once a month to commit to speaking to your partner about your relationship. This dialogue should include your likes and dislikes about the relationship. This exercise is designed to allow partners to express their feelings rather than allowing resentment to build over time. This could simply be 15 minutes at the end of the day when you and your partner can commit to not be disturbed by other things and communicate with each other.

2. Communication Skills: The ability to speak to your partner in a way that allows you to be heard and also without provoking defenses is a difficult balance to achieve. Learning how to communicate better should include the ability to also listen. First you must learn how to both listen and speak out of your thoughts and feelings rather than from your defenses. Were our parents right when they told us to "turn the other cheek"? Walking away until you are able to listen and speak calmly allows you to be more attentive to your partner when you are communicating.

During communication, try using "I" statements, such as "I feel angry when you come home late at night" rather than "you make me angry when you come home late at night". This allows for you to express your feelings without also expressing blame to your partner. Communication tends to run more smoothly this way, rather than you and your partner becoming defensive when you are trying to communicate your needs.

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3. Priority: Thinking of things that are important in our life and giving priority to particular aspects can be quite important. When we put our relationship aside this sends a strong message to our partner, which we may not be trying to send; however, the message is we are not willing to give our time and effort to a committed relationship.

Isn't it interesting that during the dating phase, our relationship meant everything? We gave this our utmost attention and put all priorities aside to make room for our new attraction. How is it that we made time then to put everything aside, but we cannot now? Do we get set in our ways or do we fear being vulnerable and compromising? Relationships are not easy; they require work and attention that people need to be ready for.

4. Attentiveness: The idea of being attentive is awareness to what is happening in your relationship. Many times, partners attempt to "brush problems under the rug" and ignore the obvious. This only builds resentments and hurt feelings in the relationship. People should address problems as they come rather than hiding behind them to allow them to accumulate.

5. Assertiveness: The healthy balance between being passive and being aggressive is assertiveness. Being assertive with your partner allows you to state your needs and wants in a direct and reasonable way. This also allows you to express thoughts, opinions, feelings and ideas without holding them inside and wishing later you would have said them. You can convey your thoughts in a way that expresses what you want; however, not instructing or ordering someone as in an aggressive communication style. Finding the balance of assertiveness is difficult, but worth the time to practice.

6. Self-soothing: Soothing our own feelings without reacting from intense emotions allows us to appropriately communicate. During times of intense emotions, we tend to react with this same level of emotion rather than soothing ourselves and calming ourselves down. The ability to comfort yourself also means you must calm yourself even when your feelings are hurt and your partner is not validating you or telling you what you want to hear.

7. Conflict Resolution: Resolving a conflict can seem overwhelming because we sometimes allow conflicts to continue and hurt feelings begin to emerge. Not allowing conflict to go unresolved or resentment to build is essential for couples. Conflict resolution should take place when you and your partner are calm and willing to talk until you can reach a compromise. Resolving a conflict involves coming into the talk with things you want to change and an agreement that you are willing to change the things that you can.

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8. Sexual Relationship: Your sexual relationship can at times, be a metaphor for how you are functioning as a couple. It is important that you are open and honest with your partner about your sexual relationship and to be open and honest with yourself. First, if you do not already know yourself, your own body, and your own likes and dislikes then take time to be alone, comfortable, and uninterrupted to sit in your bedroom, bathroom, shower or other comfortable place to explore your body and find out what touch you like. This will allow you to be more confident and calm when you are with your partner and increase the likelihood that you will share your likes and dislikes with him or her as well.

Initially, try exploring each other's bodies with touch from hands or lips, without focus on the genitals or penetration and verbally share the things that feel good with each other. Try this for several days while later focusing on the genitals and again share what things you enjoy most with your partner.

9. Self-Exploration: Looking within ourselves and searching how we contribute to the problems in the relationship is something most people stray from. This activity can be very difficult and most people tend to look for blame in their partner and not within themselves. First, think of the common arguments you and your partner have and explore how you contribute to these disagreements. Most of the time we seek to change our partner rather than change ourselves.

10. Finding Balance: Maintaining a balance between your identity as an individual and your identity as a couple can be very difficult. Having this balance is extremely important for the relationship; however, because we tend to appreciate our relationship much more when we have our own independence and autonomy, it is a crucial aspect to all of our relationships.

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It seems everyone wants to provide marriage advice to couples who are struggling, but unfortunately, sometimes that advice is coming from people who are not doing so well in their own marriage. In fact, this advice may be coming from someone who has been married and divorced more than once, so you have to be careful about the guidance being provided.

Hopefully, our 30 years of marital experience and the fact that we are truly soul mates qualifies us to provide some concrete ideas on how to improve your marriage. These ideas are not new; they are not radically different from what you may have read or heard in the past, but these are relationship changing fundamentals that you must work on constantly.

Find Time For Each Other Daily.

The best marriage advice we can give to any couple is to find quality time to spend with your mate every day. It amazes us how many couples find time for their friends, co-workers and relatives, but don't carve out a few minutes each day to spend some quality time to catch up with their mate.

We always tell couples that love is a decision that people make, but so is giving time to our partner. You have to decide to make time with your mate a priority then hold yourself accountable to giving them your time.

Respect Your Spouse.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice that we were given in our pre-marital counseling was to respect your spouse. That means respecting their opinions, ideas and suggestions even if you don't entirely agree with them. Respect their time by not keeping them waiting all the time. Respect their quiet time because everyone needs to have some alone time. Respect their efforts at work and at home; too many spouse are overly critical of their mates and are always demanding more from them. Respect in marriage means recognizing your spouses needs and working to fulfill those needs.

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Get On The Same Page Financially.

The one piece of marriage advice that seems to go by the wayside quickly once the "I DOs" are said centers around the family finances. Couples who start out with a household budget seem to get out of financial balance quickly once there is great sale at the department store or something breaks down. In order to have a long, happy marriage, you have to be in agreement on financial matters. You have to have a budget you both can agree on and then stick to it religiously.

Keep Your Sex Life Fun And Exciting.

Some couple don't like when we give marriage advice about their sex life because that seems too personal, but trust us, if more couples would talk about their wants and needs sexually with their marriage partner there would be a whole lot less couples having affairs. One study we saw recently, indicated that marriage partners that have affairs did so because they felt they could not talk about sex with their mate. The lack of communication about sex in their marriage led them to seek a "fun and exciting" partner who fulfilled their desires.

You know what? Your spouse can do the same thing if you just let them know what you want and desire from them sexually. Find meaningful, fun ways to spice up your love life and you will find marriage is so boring afterall.

Try To Out Give Your Spouse.

Now this bit of marriage advice may fall into the category of new or original to you. What do we mean by "out give your spouse?" Well, it starts with the basic advice that most of us hear before we get married that says, "Marriage requires a lot of give and take". Obviously, this is true, but if you really want to have a winning formula for a long, passion-filled marriage then try giving a lot more than taking from your mate. Give them more of your time by taking the on a date to do what they enjoy. For women that might mean going to a few ball games or manly events. For a man, that may mean going to the ballet or orchestra every once in a while.

Try giving your mate more praise and recognition than they give you. This could simply be sending them a "love" text or note. Or it may mean, complimenting your mate for the way their hair looks, the clothes they are wearing or some other physical attribute. The real point is to make a conscious decision each day to give your spouse more that you take and do it joyfully and with deep love.

None of the marriage advice above requires much money or time; it just requires a commitment on both partners part to really work at their marriage daily, but not as a chore. Making your spouse happy should give you a great deal of satisfaction and joy so if you are both working to accomplish this then you will have a very passionate, fulfilling marriage.

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According to relationship Expert Bob Grant L.P.C., men only get married for one reason and one reason only and that's because the woman makes them feel good. Even I wasn't aware of this point, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me.

Before you go and say that it's really duh obvious, he doesn't mean in the sexual sense. If you're serious about understanding men and becoming a better wife for your man, then this article will really help you see your relationship in a new light.

Think about it. If sex really was all to it, then prostitutes would be in the best relationships. As much as us guys love sex, there is so much more to the relationship equation than just sex.

If "making the man feel good" was represented by a pie chart, sex might only account for 10%. Pretty interesting isn't it?

So what does the other 90% account for? A combination of things that I've already discussed in the other tips, as well as others I have yet to discuss.

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If you've hit a plateau with your man, you still haven't realized the one thing that would make him take the leap of faith, get down on bended knee and pop the question. The truth is, either you have it and haven't found it, or you don't and some other woman can give it to you. Sorry, that's just how it is.

But don't worry. If he's still with you, then in his head, he's got pretty good reasons as to why he's still with you at the moment. The hard part is finding out what this thing is and making sure that you're aware of it. If you do ever lose it, you'll know because you're man will start slowly drifting away from you.

I said it before and I'll say it again: everyone is in a relationship with someone else to satisfy their own needs. Even if they appear to be giving their everything to the other person, that's still satisfying a need, such as proving to themselves that they can be a capable provider.

So, do you know how you can make your man feel good? Just remember that understanding men is all a part of making him feel good. As simple as we are, we are human as well. Nothing is going to make us feel better than knowing that we are understood by this woman that we've chosen to spend the rest of our life with.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com