A few years ago I took a hard look at myself and where I was and what I had been feeling for several years and I realized that I wasn’t happy. In fact, I realized that I was downright unhappy and even worse, I just felt empty. This took me by surprise because it wasn’t me. At least it wasn’t the me that I knew. It made me wonder how I had gotten to this sad state and I had no idea how to “fix” it.

It took some time, several years in fact, but I did. I reconnected with myself and started to actually live again and, in addition, I discovered a sense of fulfillment that I never had before no matter how happy I thought I was.

In the process, I discovered a new career, but I also discovered that we all too often defeat ourselves and the biggest culprits are our own conscious thoughts. It is important to understand that what we consciously think about actually is considered by the subconscious, and it is considered as a fact no matter how ridiculous or silly or stupid it may appear to be.

If I were to say to you I don’t want you to think about a purple elephant with pink dots. No matter what you do, do not think about a purple elephant with pink dots. What is the first thing that pops into your mind? Exactly, a purple elephant with pink dots. This is a very simple example of why it is so crucial to say and think about those things that you want in your life rather than to think about what you don’t want. We too often focus on and think about all the things that we don’t want.

We also tend to say things to ourselves such as “I am such an idiot”, “I can’t do anything right”, “Why does everything bad always happen to me”, etc. These are actually considered as orders by your subconscious. You are telling your subconscious that this is who you are, what you life is like and how you feel. Say it often enough and it becomes a reality in your life. Stop it! Instead, start making positive affirmations. “Yes I can make the right decision when I need to regarding my job or my relationship or whatever and I know it will be the right decision.”

Next, what you focus on, what you see is what you get. As an example, if you think about the color blue, perhaps you are thinking of buying a blue car and not sure exactly what shade you want. You will discover that you see the color blue all the time, everywhere you look you will notice it. This principle also works for our emotions, thoughts, ideas and beliefs.

If you think about anger, that’s what you will see in your world. You will see the anger in all the people around you, you will feel it, you will notice every couple having a fight You will feel as if your world is filled with anger, and this goes for hate, hurt, depression, anxiety, fear and sadness. But the same also holds true for fun, joy, happiness, fulfillment, love and excitement. If your focus is on love, you will notice all those couples holding hands, all the children and parents who are hugging, smiling, laughing and you world will start to be filled with love.

So, the bottom line really is that it is all about Cause and Effect. As you change your thoughts you change your world and your life.

But this is just a part of the picture. Fulfillment is also about moving forward in your life and your world. Releasing negative emotions allows you to move forward. As we live our lives, we tend to carry around crap from our past. Just as with any weight, the longer you carry it the heavier it gets. It really does becomes important to release the garbage that you have been carrying around, release the negative emotions that are holding you back release the anger, hurt, fear and guilt that keep you from finding true fulfillment.

An even bigger part of the picture and perhaps our biggest setback towards finding fulfillment is expecting that somehow your happiness, your fulfillment, your purpose, is linked to someone or something or some event that is outside of yourself. This is different than having goals. Goals are good things, they keep you moving forward. What I’m talking about is making your happiness dependent on what another person might do or say or what events might happen.

Does any of this sound familiar: “If only I could get that job I want, then I know that I would be happy”. Or “If I could get a date with that really beautiful girl, I know that would make me feel good about myself.” If I were married I’d be happy. If I had that car or if I lived in that house or if I could take that trip or buy that dress or… well you get the picture.

What do you want to accomplish, overcome, change, or create? What's wrong in your life now? If you were to compare your idea of what a totally fulfilled life is with your life right now, how would the two differ? What obstacles are holding you back? Consider this; your obstacles may be nothing more than excuses that you have created to stop you really getting what you want without realizing that you have done so.

I can hear you right now: "Yeah, but, you don't understand. I can't even begin to imagine my dreams, because... and you can probably fill in the blank. Perhaps what you are saying sounds more like this, "That would be great, but I have a family to support, bills to pay and I’m working two jobs, I don’t have the time to pursue my dreams.” Or perhaps it sounds something like this, “Someday I’ll pay off my credit cards. Of course, I haven’t stopped using the cards or started paying more than the minimum payment but someday I know they will be paid off.” Or how about this, “Someday I'll meet the man of my dreams. And he will be exactly as I imagine him — perfect. He will support me in whatever I want to do forever.”

These may sound a bit ridiculous when written, but these are the kinds of thoughts that we tell ourselves and we tell our subconscious. They become our obstacles because they become a part of our life.

It is important to realize that these obstacles may be right in front but you have grown so accustomed to them that you no longer see them. You may have finally just accepted the fact that you will never get a promotion, and now you accept this “fact” as a part of your life, this disappointment and lack of fulfillment at work. In this situation, which do you think is your obstacle? Is it your employer or is it that you are afraid to make a change? Perhaps it is your limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

What about your most intimate relationships. Do you believe that if you're in a relationship that your partner is your possession? And are they to be arranged like a piece of furniture and controlled in a way that is suitable and acceptable to you? Can one person actually be the possession of another? Should they be?

When you attempt to possess another person, to control that other person, you become yourself possessed. You become vulnerable. If you try to possess, to control another, what you are actually doing is blocking your ability to truly experience love and find fulfillment in this area.

You do not need to control another and you do not need to be afraid. You can choose to move away from these feelings.
It is necessary to dig deep and to be honest with yourself. Find your obstacles, whatever they may be and find the fear that stops you from tearing them down to get what you deserve. Remember this, totally fulfilled people are responsible for their thoughts, actions and lives. They don't make excuses they make things happen and they find fulfillment.

What you need to keep you moving forward are realistic, doable expectations, and the ability to keep a positive outlook, even if you make a mistake or fail in some aspect of your goal, that’s part of living your life. Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter said, "Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence."

So, set yourself some goals understanding that obstacles will come up but you can and will deal with them if you tell yourself you can, you will make adjustments and perhaps change your course now and then until you reach your goal. Check in; monitor your progress sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, revising and adjusting as needed when changes occur.

Realize that stuff has to come up otherwise it all really is rather pointless. If there aren’t any challenges, why would you ever strive for anything? If you could manifest everything instantly, this would be a very scary and boring world.

Finally, if you can understand and accept that the past is where you have been and you learn from it, you can use it to guide you on this journey of your life, but it is still the past. The future is yet to come and you can dream about it and visualize how wonderful it will be allowing those dreams and images to guide you in the direction that you want to go. But it is still the future.

What you have is now; you have your present, this very instant, moment of time. This is where we exist, this is where we live this life we’ve been given. Laugh, love, giggle, play, dance, swim, read, nap, take a long bubble bath, do whatever gives you joy and pleasure. Remind yourself daily if you need to, make it a habit. Do at least one thing a day that gives you pleasure, doing even more is much better.

If you do not, then you’ve lost your “now”, the “present” and you cannot experience the feeling of fulfillment. Eventually you’ll find yourself in a sort of limbo land of work, wishes, unfulfilled dreams, dissatisfaction and unreachable goals. You’ll find all that, but you won’t find fulfillment.

The real truth, the reality of this world we live in is that desire is the life force of energy that streams through us. It is our desires that keep us alive and magnetic. The more we allow the energy of desire to flow through us, the more vibrant and alive we become, the more connected we feel, life just gets better and better and you will find true fulfillment.

Author's Bio: 

Linda Simmon, C.Ht., is a highly sought after consultant, hypnotherapist, life coach, speaker and a graduate of The Hypnosis Motivation Institute, the first nationally accredited school for hypnotherapy in the United States as well as being the founder and creator of New Beginnings dedicated to helping people everywhere get a new beginning by helping them break through barriers that are holding them back and helping them transform their lives. For more information on Linda, her Articles, telephone and downloadable sessions, E-Book (“Realize Your Full Potential now available on Kindle at this link: http://tinyurl.com/778ypvd ) and workshops, visit http://www.newhypnotherapy.com.