Anger makes Zane protest and refuse to work hard
Zane was furious when he didn’t get his pay raise. He remembered all the times his boss gave him signs that his efforts would be rewarded. Was that a dream? Did he misread the signals? How could he be so easily fobbed off with a few sweet words?

Zane lost all interest in his job and withdrew. If management treated him as if he were expendable, then that’s exactly what he would make himself - a mere cog in the wheel! His anger created a wall around him that no one could penetrate. If he wasn’t good enough to get the raise he believed he was promised then he wasn’t going to give them anymore of himself than he had to.

Fury at his boss made Zane a demanding husband
Zane took his bitter resentful protest out on his wife. Zane made her pay for the mistake of his boss, demanding that his wife read his mind, and do everything to make up for his disappointing experience at work. She didn’t rise to the bait, making Zane even angrier. Now no one was giving him what he deserved and he was furious, frustrated, and afraid that he was never going to get what he was entitled to in any area of his life - no matter how much he did his part.

How Can Zane Best Use His Angry Energy?
Anger sets off a sequence of reactions in the body that prepare it to fight for survival. From stress hormones to increased blood flow in certain regions of the brain, anger acts as a fuel, providing the energy that motivates you to act in your own best interests. How you decide to use that energy determines whether you have a positive or negative outcome.

Left to stew in his own juices, he realized that no one was going to come to his rescue and cajole him back into relationships. Zane used the potent energy of anger to stop feeling sorry for himself, and fight for himself. Instead of wishing and hoping in vain that his boss, his colleagues and wife would sympathize and make amends, he chose to use his immense angry energy to empower himself.

Five ways for Zane to use angry energy to empower himself

1. Zane can use his anger as motivation to clearly express his wishes and expectations.
Benefit: taking his share of the responsibility for his future by reducing uncertainty.
2. He can ensure that he gets a clear idea of what rewards his boss has in mind at the outset, and negotiate on his own behalf.
Benefit: solid information that takes him away from victim hood to proactive mastery.
3. Zane can make sure his boss is aware of his achievements instead of hoping they will be noticed, and be devastated when they go unseen.
Benefit: certainty that his boss recognizes Zane’s value, with increased likelihood that he is compensated accordingly.
4. He can discuss reward options when he covers for his colleagues or does extra shifts, such as time off, alternating shifts, money etc.
Benefit: exercising autonomy rewires the brain making it more likely that he will engage in using anger beneficially rather than as a downward spiral of protest and negativity.
5. Zane can ask for monthly and quarterly projections of tasks and decide whether the incentives to take part in extra work are worth it to him.
Benefit: taking an active part in the decision making process in advance makes the consequences more satisfying and frees him up to have a healthy and satisfying relationship with his wife.

It took the energy of intense anger and frustration to motivate Zane into actively shaping his life for the better. The rewards are consistent, sustained and self-empowering.

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

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Author's Bio: 

Dr. Jeanette Raymond is a licensed psychologist in Los Angeles. She takes you from fear and frustration to fulfilling and flourishing relationships. She promotes mind-body wellness by helping you build secure relationships.