What can be normal is for someone to be passive and lack motivation. This could be how they have been for as long as they can remember.

Due to this, they might typically only do what they have to do. Based on how they live their life, it will be as though they have given up on life and don’t really want to be here.

A Different Life

If they really wanted to be here, they would be embracing life, and thus, making the most of the life that they have been given. This doesn’t mean that they would always be on the go but they certainly wouldn’t spend most of their life on the sidelines and doing very little.

Furthermore, this also doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t have moments when they were knocked down and lose their desire to do anything. They are, after all, a human being, not a superhero.

External Feedback

Anyway, as they are not embracing life, some of the people in their life could be concerned about them. They could wonder if they are depressed and need to work with a professional and/or go on medication.

Then again, they might not have any close friends, and even if they do have friends, these people might not be aware of what is going on for them. If they are not aware, this could show that they are also in a similar position.

The Next Step

Now, assuming that they do end up reaching out for support, regardless of if they have people in their life who have played a part in this, this could be a time when they talk about how they have very little motivation to do anything.

Even if they say that they have been this way for a long time, what they could also point out is that what they have experienced throughout their life has played a part. So, they could talk about the setbacks that they have had and how these have weighed them down.

What’s the Point

As a result of what they have experienced over the years, they are not going to see the point in trying to change their circumstances. And, as they have had so many setbacks, this is not going to be much of a surprise

After talking about what is going on for them, they could end up being seen as having learned to be helpless. In other words, the experiences they have had will have caused them to believe that they are powerless.

The next part

What could soon be made clear is that this is not true and that they do have control over their life. After the setbacks that they have had, then, their mind will have generalised and caused them to believe that what happened during these moments is a reflection of how little control they have.

In reality, no matter how many setbacks they have had, it doesn’t mean that they are powerless. Of course, it is one thing for them to accept this at a mental level and another thing altogether for them to accept this at an emotional level.

The Solution

For them to realise this, they could be told that they need to change what they believe and their ‘negative’ thoughts. Therefore, in order for them to change their life, they will need to change what is going on up top, so to speak.

After going down this route for however long, they could find that they start to realise that they do have control over their life. Moreover, they could have more empowering beliefs and their faulty thoughts could have been replaced by rational thoughts.

Another Angle

It might not be long, though, until they have another setback and end up right back where they were before. There is also a chance that this approach won’t even work, which could cause them to feel even worse.

One way of looking at this would be to say that they need to continue to change what is going on in their mind, and, soon or later, their life will change. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they need to try another approach.

Going Deeper

The reason for this is that what is taking place in their mind could be a reflection of what is going on for them in every part of their being. Their thoughts and beliefs could then be to an effect as opposed to a cause.

The trouble is that as they are likely to live in a society that is largely mind-centric and believes that human beings essentially begin and end with their frontal cortex, what is going on for them at a deeper level won’t be explored. Without taking into account what is going on at a deeper level, it is to be expected that what is taking place on the surface would be seen as irrational.

What’s going on?

With this in mind, along with all of the ‘negativity’ that is in their mind, they could also be carrying a lot of ‘negativity’ in their body. At this level, they can feel totally hopeless and helpless and have lost the will to live.

Yet, these feelings won’t be a consequence of what they believe or think; they will be a consequence of what they have experienced. And, as they have felt helpless for most of their life, they are likely to have had a number of experiences during their early years when they felt totally powerless.

Back In Time

During this stage of their life, they may have had at least one parent who was emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them. Due to this, they might have often been physically harmed, verbally put down and/or left.

As they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, there was nothing that they could do. They would then have felt powerless and they were powerless.

The Outcome

To handle the pain that they were in and not having their developmental needs met; their brain would have repressed how they felt and their developmental needs. This would have caused them to go into a disconnected, shut down and collapsed state.

Their whole system would have been in a helpless state, and, although many, many years will have passed, it will still be in this state. What is going on in their conscious mind won’t be the issue; it will be a symptom of what has permeated their whole being.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -