Control is something we tend to battle with, whether it’s self-control or control of others or circumstances. Maybe if we better understand what we are meant to be in control of, we can shift from battle to more harmony.

A good question to start with is, What are you supposed to be in control of? “You are here to CREATE the world around you that YOU choose, while you ALLOW the world – as others choose it to be – to exist, also. But while THEIR choices in no way hinder YOUR choices, your attention to their choices does affect your vibration, and therefore your point of attraction.” (Abraham-Hicks. The capitalized words should be in italics. The changes are mine for publishing reasons.)

You could take the first part of the above statement to mean we are meant to be in this world, but not OF it, which has been said before. We are meant to understand we are more than we tend to believe we are. That we are spiritual in nature and therefore empowered in ways we’ve forgotten and now desire to re-Mind ourselves of, even if we don’t know to identify what we feel as being this.

But what about this: We are here to create the world around us as we choose AND allow the world as others choose it to be? Seems like a complicated contrast, at least to our ego self. Well, what if we are meant to create and control our INNER world in relationship with how we experience others and the outer world? This circles back to being in the world but not of it, to remember we are eternally spiritual beings and only temporarily physical.

To further this awareness and your desired results, it is VITAL that you become aware of the connection or relationship between YOUR thoughts and feelings with YOUR experiences. Until you do this – pay attention in this way – you and your life will feel out of your control. Can you look back and readily find examples of this? I certainly can. And, once you can look back in this way, you can also direct your thoughts forward with more awareness.

Then, there’s the last part of that quote about putting our attention on the choices of others and how this affects our own attracting vibrations. This is a matter of control on more than one level. I discuss a few aspects of how we tend to focus this way in the next paragraphs.

We tend, more often than not, to think and feel in response to what we PERCEIVE about what we see or hear from others, since others are usually involved in the circumstances we experience. If we perceive something as good, we feel good – and it’s the same for the opposite. When we perceive something as negative, we can believe we have little to no control over how we feel at that time – because we feel we are not in control of events or others. Our desired inner world contrasts with our experience of the outer world created by one or more others or us. At such times, we make our desire to feel we control what’s external to us more important than controlling what’s going on at the inner level.

What often happens when we feel out of control about events is we then try to control as much of the world, our environment, and others and their choices as we can or can get away with. We do this to RELIEVE the unpleasant or even painful feelings we experience, rather than looking at and learning something about ourselves by looking at our feelings and what they transmit as our energetic vibrations (and their effects), and then doing something about this - first.

Trying to control circumstances (instead of collaborating with life, starting at the inner level) leaves us perpetually frustrated because there will always be another circumstance and another and another. We are meant to be in control of our inner world, not the outer, which is a shared creation and experience; though, control of the inner influences the outer. We, and only we, can always and are always in control of our inner world. We just tend to forget or ignore this, especially in the heat of a moment that stirs our emotions in response to any resistance we feel. This happens, and we can shift it.

We are gifted with the ability and the right to influence our own lives and experiences, not the lives and experiences of others. Our egos find this especially painful when contrasts happen in our closest relationships, or what feels close to us about our desired experiences and results. This is because we also tend to forget that just as we are here to create and have our own experiences, so are others. If we make what they choose and do ours emotionally (though, we can be empathetic and provide assistance), we abandon pure focus (vibration) on what we desire. We can look for ways that what we desire for us and for another or others overlap, without infringing on their right to their (or our) personal evolution.

In any relationship – intimate, professional, or social – you are always in control of how you participate. Your ego may not like events at times, but when you choose, with conscious awareness, how you participate, you will experience the self-control you desire. And, you will feel better about yourself and your participation in this physical experience that is always unfolding, always shifting, in response to your vibrations and the vibrations of those you share this physical experience with.

It is also important to look beyond what-is. What-is is only the result of past vibrations. What-is-possible is always available to match your improved vibrations. We’re told to face facts, but “facts” are only the results just mentioned, as well as perceptions. There are as many perceptions as there are people perceiving. But, something, whether inner or outer – but especially inner – can always be shifted about what-is.

Our need to feel in control relates to a desire to feel successful in any moment and area of our lives. Success can be tricky because – what does it really mean? It has as many meanings as there are individuals to think those meanings. But, why do we, ultimately, want success of any kind? To feel joy!

We’ve been swayed in our perception about what success is because of how success and worth have been linked. Is a miserable person of wealth really more successful than a truly happy person of modest means? Isn’t the ideal to FEEL abundant and joyful at the same time, whatever this looks like? Yet, how often is success presented to us in this way? The world’s interpretation of success has caused us to feel not in control of ourselves and our lives, unless we match some ambiguous image of what success in any area of our life “should” look like, instead of what it means to us individually.

Feeling out of control about circumstances is a flashing signal that lets us know we have “unplugged” from Source’s stream of well-being (as Abraham calls it), not that Source has unplugged us. We just need to plug ourselves back in. Abundance and joy are meant to be ours, not as a result of struggle or deserving, but as a result of harmony and flow that comes from understanding that Source always supplies and never denies, and how Law of Attraction works, and using it.

If you really want to feel and be in control, aim to be in control of your inner world first. Re-set your success standard to one of feeling as good as you can, as often as you can, and joyful and in a state of appreciation as often as possible. This, after all, is the transmitted vibration that you desire to have Law of Attraction match, in as many ways as it’s able to, which is more ways than you can imagine. This desired feeling is what motivates your every thought, word, and action. Feel this way by choice first so that your preferences can connect with you with less or no “static interference” between you and what matches your vibration.

If your primary mode of operation has been resistance, this new mode will take practice. But, it’s a practice that will result in you feeling and having more conscious control over your choices and therefore your experiences and outcomes.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

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Author's Bio: 

Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru” and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at