It can be difficult to deal with things after you discover your husband had an affair. Your life gets thrown through upside-down and it seems like there’s nothing “solid” you can hold on to, if you know what I mean. Here, I’m going to help share with you a few tips on how to adapt to life after infidelity.

First, understand that infidelity means that something in your marriage isn’t working. Happy couples don’t cheat, which means that, at least one of you, is not as happy as you could be in the relationship.

Secondly, this problem in the marriage goes back to before the affair. What drove your partner to cheat was a dissatisfaction with the marriage in some way. More often than not, this problem revolves around unmet needs that one of you has.

Maybe your husband doesn’t feel appreciated or your wife feels like you don’t respect her. As soon as someone else enters their life and makes them feel appreciated or respected, they will most likely start to develop an infatuation for that person.

Before you know it an “innocent crush” turns into an emotional affair and then it’s just a slippery slope down into an actual physical affair.

Third, you have a choice to make right now. Do you want to save your marriage and work things out with our spouse? Or is this just too much to handle and you’d rather just divorce?

There is nothing wrong with either choice. Indeed, this is a choice you have to make with yourself and your spouse.

However, consider this:

Sure, you might be angry or feel betrayed by your partner’s cheating, and no one would blame you for leaving them.

But if affairs begin with relationship problems, then is it at all possible that even if you do leave your partner and find someone else, that the same problems could manifest again?

After all, haven’t you known someone who seems to date the same person over and over again, but in a different body each time?

Unless you deal with the problem that caused trouble in your marriage and eventually drove your spouse to cheat, you run the risk of repeating this pattern over and over again in the future.

For example, if you are too judgmental, it may cause your partner to pull away from you. Maybe he won’t share as much of himself with you and he will hold himself back.

Regardless of if you fix your marriage or start a new relationship, you will continue to deal with the same alienating effects that come from being too judgmental in all of your relationships.

Until you can learn to turn down the volume on the part of yourself that criticizes others, you will struggle to find the kind of deep fulfilling relationship or marriage that you truly deserve.

Now, being judgmental is just one possible flavor that this might come in, but you get the idea right?

So before you decide to stay or go from your marriage, it is worth it to look a little deeper and see if there is anything that you may have possibly done that contributed to the deterioration of your marriage. If there is, you might want to work on improving this particular aspect of yourself before jumping into a new relationship.

Author's Bio: 

If you found this helpful and you'd like to learn more about infidelity and divorce check out my website where I'll help you figure out why do men cheat.

Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.