How To Fix An Unhappy Marriage & Make It Better: Stuck In An Unhappy marriage

Considering that you have been looking for advice for a happy marriage tells me that you are wise and passionate about your marriage. It's good that you are not satisfied with a so so marriage because that's not the way marriages are supposed to be.

Here are 3 simple but effective tips to create a happy marriage;

Don't Assume

Marriage is much happier when you get to the point where you no longer assume what your spouse wants or doesn't want and instead communicate with him or her. In some cases it's really taking the easy way out instead of talking to your spouse. For example, assuming that your spouse won't want to attend a couples retreat or perhaps drop the kids off and get away alone for a night.

There are so many other times when we kill the spontaneity or romance in our marriage because we assume we know the answer our spouse will give before we ask the question. My advice for a happy marriage is that you don't think for your spouse but let him or her make up their own mind.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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Do Fight Fair

It's human nature to dig in your heals and give it your all when fighting. It's important to remember that your spouse is your friend and not your enemy. At the end of the day you want to make sure you haven't opened wounds that are difficult to heal. Don't personalize the issues and also don't bring up irrelevant points just to hurt your spouse and win the argument. What good is it to win the argument and lose your marriage? My advice is that you fight fair and with love.

Be More Positive Than Negative

It's so easy to find the faults of your spouse. If you look and listen closely you could probably find things to critique all day and night. Although, you may view your opinions very highly, sometimes it's better to keep them to yourself. My advice is that for every negative comment you find you have to make about your marriage, look for at least 3 times as many positive things to build up your spouse and marriage.

Marriage happiness comes easiest when couples are able to see the needs of their spouse as more important than their own. Love is best expressed when it's given and received in the same manner.

Marriage is not intended to be full of anger and frustration but rather full of peace and happiness. If you aren't happy with your marriage it's important that you work towards making it better. If you don't then you leave yourself open and vulnerable to allowing your marriage to deteriorate.

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There comes a time when your trying your best to save your marriage that you start to think that nothing is going to work and that your marriage is destined for divorce. Sometimes it just seems like it's all too much to handle or you just don't have it in you to see it through, or for that matter even see a clear solution in site. But, don't lose all hope just yet, there are still things you can do to save your marriage that don't involve counseling or for that matter that your spouse even participates.

A lot of times it's the things that your doing, rather than the things that your not doing that stand in your way. Let's run down a checklist here to make sure that your not doing some of the things that will keep you from saving your marriage:

- Making decisions based off of panic or letting this feeling cloud your judgement

- Crying and/or begging your spouse to stay in the marriage

- Making promises to change on the condition that they stay in the marriage

- Bothering your spouse at work or while their out with talks about the marriage

- Making threats to harm yourself or damage your spouses belongings if they leave

- Giving your spouse ultimatums " If you do this, then I'll do that"

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- Continuing to play the blame game back and forth with each other

- Letting your emotions control what you do and say (anger, confusion, desperation, jealousy etc.)

- Giving up, seemingly depressed or letting yourself go (laying in bed, not eating, not dressing yourself or properly keeping up with your grooming and hygiene, house, chores, kids etc.)

All of those things serve to negatively impact your efforts to save your marriage, knowing them and eliminating their ability to stand in your way of saving your marriage should be handled immediately.

The next part of saving your marriage is coming up with a good plan to do so. Some people think that counseling will help or that they should seek out expensive marital therapy sessions and or consider it the only means in which the marriage can be saved. But, this couldn't be further from the truth. Although, there are good counselors out there, finding one is an expensive and debilitating battle in itself. Given the less than 10-20% success rate of counseling, it's effectiveness in saving marriages is more than questionable to say the least.

The point is, don't give up. There are plans out there to save your marriage, their just not mainstream and you don't see them on the news. Nor, will you ever really come across someone at the water cooler so to speak that will open up about it and point you in the right direction. Just because other things have failed you, doesn't mean there isn't another way to do it that actually works.

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Now that the nights are getting colder, people are beginning to secure blankets and quilts. Many people desire hand made quilts. Making a quilt is like making a successful marriage. Both require a pattern, time and effort to produce a successful product that gives pleasure, warmth, confront, security and can last a lifetime.

A quilt maker often has to sacrifice time, energy and money to make a quilt. Love in marriage requires that same type of sacrifice and commitment. Couples should be willing to go the extra mile for their mates. They should allow their love to cover a multitude of mistakes and annoyances. Leave "I love you notes" in a brief case, call and leave an "I love you" message or bring home a surprise for mate. When couples recall the things that made them fall in love in the beginning, they can find forgiveness and respect for one another in spite of differences and disagreements. Take the time and effort to keep love in your marriage.

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Quilts are made of pieces of fabric that are cut to fit into an overall design. Adversities and difficulties can cut up the fabric of a marriage if they are not placed in the proper perspective. Some of the biggest problems that cut into a successful marriage design are financial problems. When couples start out with "his" bank account and "her" bank account, they are indicating that they do not trust one another and the fabric of marriage is weakened. Budget your income, set aside an amount to give to your church and charity, keep a record of expenditures and discuss major purchases. Discuss past debts and avoid credit card purchases that are above what can be paid off with the monthly statement. Couples who argue over money because of lack of communication are headed toward divorce. Sew up all your problems by finding solutions. Solutions to difficulties and trials are like a quilter who takes pieces and fits them into a quilt top that becomes a work of art.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

If you look for goodness in others, you will find it. If you choose to interpret a person's actions as friendly, you will have good feelings towards that person. Conversely, if you expect that others are intent on doing you harm, you will always interpret their actions as hostile, even when they're not. It's your choice.

People will live up to your expectations. Be careful what you expect. If you expect the worst of people you may get it.

I challenge you to decide to expect the best from the people around you. Let go of your expectations that people will disappoint you or hurt you. Try this for a week and see what happens. Start with your family and friends. Try it for another week. What have you got to lose except your negative perceptions?

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

If you want to increase the chances of finding goodness in others, consider changing your own behavior. A little appreciation goes a long way. We all crave appreciation. Pay attention to the little things the people you care about do. When you consistently notice the goodness in others and you appreciate it, you'll find people living up to your expectations. What can you do?

• Catch your children doing right! Notice when they are getting along and tell them you appreciate it. Notice when they do something without your telling them

• Tell your spouse you appreciate those things she or he does (going to work each day, taking care of the children, taking out the trash, greeting you with a smile, killing the bugs, changing the light bulbs)

• Tell your friends what you appreciate about their friendship

• Tell your parents what you appreciate about them

Seek goodness and you will find it all around you. Decide to live an Aware Life, noticing and appreciating the things you previously took for granted. Watch your relationships blossom with the people you care about the most!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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