I know that the pain of your husband having an affair can be truly heartbreaking. It is difficult to set aside all those feelings of betrayal and all the haunting images that run through your head. Sometimes it may even feel like your relationship is doomed to fail and there is no way to save it from divorce.

But I want you to know that this isn’t true. You absolutely can save your marriage, if both you and your husband are committed to doing so. The hardest part, however, is learning to forgive a cheater.

Assuming that your husband actually regrets his choice and has made a conscious decision to never cheat again, forgiveness is all mental. That is to say it has to do with you and your thoughts.

The way that you are focusing your mind is not allowing you to let go of the pain and mental imagery of your husband’s affair. I know it may be difficult to wrap your mind around, but the reason you can’t forgive him and get over this tragic event in your marriage is because there is some sort of thought process you are having that is causing you to fixate on these things rather than on moving on.

Now, this isn’t to say that I’m blaming you. Not at all. Simply put, if you just learn to control how you focus on your mind, you will be able to let of of these negative feelings and forgive a cheater.

You see, you really have two ways that you can focus your mind. You can focus on what you want or you can focus on what you do not want. Most people will just go through their lives randomly focusing on what they want and randomly focusing on what they don’t want. It isn’t until something big, like an affair, causes them to focus mostly on what they don’t want.

All you really need to do is to stop yourself whenever you find yourself feel bad or replaying all of those negative mental movies in your mind and ask yourself the simple question: “This isn’t what I want, so what do I want?”

It may be difficult to answer this question at first, but that is only because your negative thoughts have quite some inertia to them. If you keep it up, eventually your mind will be able to provide you with answers.

Using this simple technique can help change thoughts like “How could my husband have betrayed my trust?” to thoughts like “How can I help improve the relationship I have with my husband?”

Again, both of these are questions. If you continue to ask yourself these kinds of questions, you mind will find answers. Which question do you think would be more likely to make you feel worse? Which do you think would be more likely to give you answers on how to improve things?
Are you starting to see exactly how your thoughts and your focus control your emotions?

So try this little trick out and you’ll be able to forgive your husband by letting go of the negative emotions that you are clinging to. You’ll be able to find more happiness and joy in your life too.

Author's Bio: 

If you want to learn more valuable tips to help you forgive cheaters, please check out my website where I'll help you recover from your affair and help answer the question why do men cheat?

Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.