How To Solve Misunderstanding Between Husband And Wife: Husband And Wife Problems Solutions

With over half of all marriages ending in divorce and 66% of them being filed by women, one needs to consider how the blissful wedding day turns sour enough to warrant tossing the entire relationship, like a bowl of rotten green beans found in the back of the refrigerator. Relationships never crumble in a single day or conflict, but rather decay over time. Much of this atrophy occurs as a result of poor conflict management skills. In this article, we give several tips for dealing with conflict successfully in marriage.

Tip 1: Listen Well

Ever get into a disagreement only to find out that you are talking about apples and your spouse is talking about oranges? By the time one of you figures this out, oftentimes the words have been heated and pride steps in, making it difficult to pull back, admit we didn't understand and start over. Asking questions without jumping to conclusions will help you listen more effectively.

Tip 2: Clarify

For some of us, the only exercise we get is jumping to conclusions. Avoid this common mistake by asking a clarifying question: "If I understand what you are saying, you mean, (whatever your spouse said)" If the answer is, "Yes!" then you know you disagree with your spouse. If the answer is, "No!" then you have reached a place where really good information is about to be revealed. This helps you avoid the conflict.

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Tip 3: Empathize with His or Her Point of View

Oftentimes we start arguing with our spouse's opinion, without honoring them, or recognizing the person involved in the conflict first. We are so quick to disagree with the topic; we forget we are going to come off as disagreeing with the person. We can diffuse a potentially volatile situation simply by letting them know that we can understand their perspective. If we honestly cannot see things from their point of view, then we need to really try to have empathy and ask questions. Growing up in the home she or he grew up in has created many points of view for all of us - so can we just try to understand how they feel? Not the easiest thing to do sometimes, but critical to successful conflict resolutions.

Tip 4: Ask Yourself, "So What?"

Many of us have a hard time allowing other people to be wrong. We feel as though we have a moral obligation to correct the world. The problem with this is that it causes a ton of dissention. People generally care less about being right than they do about being heard. When we carefully listen, clarify, empathize with his or her point of view, and then ask ourselves, "Does it really matter if my husband thinks we bought this lamp at Dillards or is it more important that he know we got it at Target?" Our spouse can hear us more clearly if we are not constantly disagreeing with them. So, pick and choose your battles carefully.

Tip 5: Never Enter into Conflict When Emotional

If you want to guarantee yourself a problem and a poor interaction with your spouse, engage in disagreements when upset! Your lack of emotional control will help to escalate the issue to a full-blown fight, usually resulting in regretted words being spoken on both sides. Choosing to wait until you can speak about things rationally will help tremendously - for both of you. You will be able to think clearly and hear better and so will your spouse.

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Tip 6: Support Your Position with Evidence and a Question

If you get through all the other steps and still decide you want to disagree, start your position with a story that demonstrates your opinion. "Three days ago, I went to take Carol to basketball practice and I got halfway there and realized that the van was out of gas and we might not make it. I had to stop and fill up, and we were late as a result. I understand how you feel about John's being able to use the van, and I'd like to see him be more responsible with the gas situation so that it doesn't negatively impact anyone else. How does that thought fit into what you are thinking?" An open ended question (one that is not a "yes" or "no" response) keeps the dialogue going and prompts further understanding.

Tip 7: Never Say "But"

Avoid saying, "but," "however," "although," "though," and, "yet," because these words negate everything you've just said. We are tempted to say them after we've empathized with our spouse, BUT, we need to fight that temptation and use the word, "and," or just take a pause. Depending on our tone of voice, "but" can also come across like, "you idiot."

Watching our tone of voice and following these 7 tips can help you have healthier interactions with your spouse when you disagree!

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I learned a few years ago why marriage counseling doesn't save marriages. For me and my wife it had failed us and statistics show it has been of very little help to most couples facing troubled marriages. The secret to saving your marriage from a divorce will probably not be traditional marriage counseling. I discovered that there are 5 steps that everyone must first take before any meaningful change can take place. If you find yourself on the verge of a divorce and you want to save your marriage, I'd encourage you to read this carefully before taking the next important step.

First of all, let me explain why marriage counseling isn't much help in saving a troubled marriage. The reason is that most counselors have received their training and education in INDIVIDUAL counseling, not MARRIAGE counseling. There is a very distinct difference! Individual counseling focuses on the health and life satisfaction of the individual, which often has very little to do with a marriage. This is why the focus of these counselors tends to be more on the couple as individuals, rather than the marriage itself. The truth is, many of these well meaning "marriage" counselors often know very little about how to actually save a marriage that is on the brink of divorce.

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The single best strategy for rebuilding a troubled marriage is to actually treat the marriage itself as the client rather than the people in the marriage. This is considered to be a revolutionary approach and one that is foreign to most counselors, who focus on communication skills and conflict resolution. These can be helpful exercises, but ultimately not the building blocks to a solid marriage.

If you are facing a divorce there are 5 steps or important pieces of advice that need to be followed:

1. Learn about the common critical mistakes that must be avoided and what to do instead

2. Avoid a negative emotional state and put yourself in a calm, confident and resourceful state

3. Avoid playing the "blame game" with your partner

4. Be absolutely committed to saving your marriage no matter what it takes

5. Be willing to take immediate action and follow a proven plan that may seem strange at first

This will lay the foundation for a proven and effective approach to saving marriages that has worked time after time. It worked in my own marriage, even though my wife was originally planning to divorce me.

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I have created this 5 part series to show you just how many mistakes people make in marriages. I will go through each mistake and show you how they happen and why you should avoid making them.

Mistake #1 Lack of communication

Communication is the key to keeping any relationship intact and alive but as life goes on and people have kids and jobs, communication gets more and more difficult because the time is so limited to spend on it. You need to make the time. Learn to listen to each other and respond honestly and sensitively. If you don't think you have the time to spend talking, at least learn how to make the most of your time by enhancing your communication skills.

Mistake #2 Pride

Pride gets in the way of apologizing and saying thank you but it is even more dangerous when it prevents us from admitting there is a problem. If there is an issue in your marriage that you need to deal with, you have to put it out in the open and deal with it together. If you let pride get in the way, you end up having a backlog of issues that will erupt at the wrong time and cause more damage to your relationship and your family than if you had dealt with them as they came up. Make the effort to realize when pride is getting in the way and overcome it to make your marriage a better experience.

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Mistake #3 Getting revenge

It is very likely that your partner will do something along the line that will hurt your feelings, perhaps they already have. And it might seem natural to want to get revenge but acting on this feeling will take you and your marriage down a road that will make recovery even more difficult. Getting revenge causes more issues in a marriage than there needs to be. You need to take control of your emotions and your actions and consciously prevent yourself from getting revenge. Hurting your partner in return will cause more pain and damage how you both see each other. Remember, you want your marriage to be a good experience. Work towards improving yourself and your relationships.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Author's Bio: 

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