How To Stop Being Possessive Wife: How To Stop Being Possessive With Husband

Possessiveness in marriage is the desire to dominate or control every aspect of a spouse's life. It may be with regard to friendships and relationships, jobs, hobbies or even programmes that can be watched on TV. It can lead to coercive control of the other person, making the victim afraid to oppose such behaviour or do what she wants to do. Possessiveness is commonly attributed to men. But there are many women who also like to keep their husbands in a vice-like grip. Probably the term 'hen-pecked' reflects this attitude.

A marriage was arranged between a smart and sprightly young pharmacist and an officer in a private bank. Though his features were distorted by Bell's palsy, the parents thought nothing of it. He had a steady job with a good income and this ensured the security of their daughter. Within a few months, the girl turned into a sad, morose and distracted woman. Her husband was possessive to the extent that she had to give him an hour by hour account of her behaviour at work. He obstructed her progress professionally in different ways.

She could not join in any social activities with her colleagues. Three children followed in quick succession. The girl tolerated her husband's behaviour for ten years. Then she absconded, leaving a note to say that unless her husband went in for psychiatric treatment for his abnormal behaviour, she would never come back again. One recalls the nursery rhyme of "Peter, Peter pumpkin eater who married a wife but couldn't keep her. So he put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well."

But the girl broke through the shell hollering "Don't you dare fence me in."

Obviously, his facial deformity had given him a complex. He felt that unless he controlled his wife, she would be unfaithful or even leave him. He lost her not because of his looks but because of his behaviour. Timely psychiatric intervention finally brought about a reunion.

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Signs of Possessiveness:

• Controlling a spouse so that she cows down and submits to his wishes.

• Unfounded suspicion of her activities, who she meets and with whom she talks. Not just her interaction with the opposite sex but even female friendships are suspect.

• Frequent phone calls to check on her activities.

• Socializing with friends is totally prohibited.

• Selfishness with no consideration for the likes or dislikes of his spouse.

• Spying on her movements through private detectives.

Reasons for Possessiveness:

1. Insecurity: Growing up in troubled families, deprivation of love in childhood, desertion by parents may have created a deep-seated insecurity. He therefore wants to hold on tightly to his 'possession.'

2. Lack of trust in the spouse.

3. Inferiority Complex: A spouse may be better educated, and better qualified. She may be holding an important job and drawing a fabulous salary.

4. Borderline or acute personality disorders: Those who suffer from Schizophrenia or Bipolar disorders are prone to insecurity and possessiveness.

5. Egocentricity and selfishness. He cannot think beyond his own comforts.

6. Jealousy may be covert or open.

7. When love becomes an addiction, the love object becomes an obsession.

Effects on the victim:

- Frustration and resentment against the intimidating spouse.
- May retreat socially or vocationally.
- Self deprecation and loss of self esteem.
- Depression.
- Desire to escape from the spouse's clutches.

How to prevent possessiveness:

Two most important elements that are required for a stable marriage are Love and Trust. This calls for a proper understanding of the different roles of spouses in a relationship. Individual differences must be respected. Though the marriage commitment does supercede some individual rights, it should not destroy all individual rights. Each one must have the freedom to develop personal skills and interests. Spouses should be allowed to have friends of the same gender.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

M. Scott Peck calls the failure to appreciate the separateness of the other as narcissism.

"Love is separateness," he says, "The genuine lover perceives the beloved as someone who has a totally separate identity. The genuine lover encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved."

Each individual needs physical and mental space if they are to function to full capacity. One spouse cannot be an extension of the other. There should be time for friends and time for hobbies. However, there must be mutual agreement on how much time can be spent on separate activities. Time spent apart does not drive them away from each other. Each little absence from the beloved makes the heart grow fonder.

"Separateness enhances the marriage relationship," says Scott Peck.

Generosity allows partners to take genuine delight in the success of their partners. They should encourage and mutually support each other.

How to overcome possessiveness:

• Discover the root of your insecurity. Do you have an inferiority complex about your background or your job?

• Are you afraid of losing ownership of your spouse? Communicate your feelings and fears to your partner and clear the matter. You'll find that your fears are unfounded.

• For any relationship to survive and grow, there must be mutual trust and open communication.

• Overcome selfishness and give your spouse space to grow.

• Remember that possessiveness is a terrible form of abuse. It cannot be called love. "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (I Cor. 13:6).

• Though marriage is a legal bond it does not mean enslavement of the spouse.

• Seek professional help and counseling.

Advice for the Victimized:

- Don't expect others to fight your battles. Confront your spouse, and retrieve your distinct identity.

- Don't tolerate abuse in any form. Better to end a destructive relationship.

Khalil Gibran author/ philosopher leaves us with this thought:

"Let there be spaces between your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you."

Relationships take time to develop. They should be strengthened and nurtured by love and patience, commitment and trust. Possessiveness leads to manipulation through intimidation, coercion or even seduction, so that the offender can have his way. Someone compared manipulation to witchcraft. Be it a husband or a wife, one has no full authority to control another.

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It's not easy to accept when you and the person you promised to spend the rest of your life begin to have problems. Words like "separation" and "divorce" become part of your every day conversation, and the feeling that used to be there just isn't the same anymore. Where did it go wrong? More importantly, how can you repair the damage before it's too late? Here are a few easy steps you can try before you decide to call it quits.

Listen to each other: If the two of you sit down and talk out your problems, identify them, that is the first step to coming up with a solution that works for both of you. Often couples have a hard time expressing their feelings to one another, especially when there is so much strain in the relationship.

Leave your work at work: Sometimes a marriage can begin to feel strained when work and other work related issues creep into the home. Having a hard time at work? Didn't get that promotion? Stress like that can bother you long after you punch out and head home, and that friction is carried into the relationship. Don't take it out on them, and leave your work where it belongs.

Your problems are YOUR problems: There is a need to discuss what's going on with people you care about, but not all problems can be solved by bringing outsiders into the situation. Does getting advice from others help? Of course, but don't spend as much time communicating with them and not communication with your significant other.

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Remember your vows: At some point, the two of you agreed "for better or worse, as long as you both shall live". Well, now its time to live up to it. There are always going to be hard times, some obstacle that needs to be overcome, but the trick is to get through it together. Enduring the hard times is what makes the good times worth having.

Trust: Trust can be a major issue in any relationship. If you don't feel as though your significant other is being truthful with you, the best thing to do is ask them about it. If you don't, your imagination will begin to get the better of you, and you'll create more problems for yourself by not saying anything. Yes, talking about it may lead to a disagreement, but at least when it's over, the air will be clear and the trust will be intact.

Take your time: You didn't jump into the marriage right away. It took time to get to know another; your likes and dislikes, your ups and downs. What makes you think that all the problems in your marriage can be solved overnight? It's going to take time to sort it all out, so give your partner (and yourself) time to adjust to everything.

Never give up on love: Your marriage is not to be taken lightly. After all, the two of you promised to be with one another "till death do us part", so don't give up now just because its getting difficult. Love takes time to build, but it can destroyed in an instant when you make a snap decision on impulse. Before you decide anything, you need to talk to your partner and come up with what BOTH of you think is best in the long run.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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It can be very discouraging to realize that you are asking the question "How to save your marriage alone". The reality is even though marriage is a partnership between two people, there are cases where one partner will be trying to figure out how to stop a divorce from happening while the other is either not involved or doesn't care. Nevertheless, I am here to tell you, it is possible. Make the commitment to go all out to fight for your marriage. Here are 5 steps how to stop a divorce by yourself, even if your partner is not there with you.

1. Figure out the cause

The first step is to figure out what is causing the breakdown. Ask yourself, then ask your spouse. Once you know what it is, you can do your part, make changes that you can make, make things right that you are responsible for. Because you make this effort first, its a clear sign of your commitment. Your spouse will notice that you were willing to change first. This will encourage him or her to do likewise. Now you are both moving together.

2. Go out of your way to give in or compromise

If you really value your marriage, don't be afraid to give in to your partner. Or at least compromise. This is not to say that you are the loser. If you think about it, a lot of things we argue about or disagree on are minor, why not be the bigger person to give in or compromise first. Your courage might well save your marriage.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

3. Learn to become a good marriage partner

While marriage involves 2 people, on your part, learn to become a better partner if you want to know how to save your marriage alone. Look at yourself, ask how you can improve, be it in your attitude, appearance or even habits.

4. Get support from family and friends

It's going to be tough being the only one making the effort initially. One of the best things you can do is to get support from family and friends.

5. Have faith in God or whatever greater being or entity

There is power in faith. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in. When you need the courage to figure out how to save your marriage alone, go and build your faith through your belief system. We are all spiritual beings and building our faith and spirit will go a long way to rectifying a bad marriage situation.

Although you may be alone at the beginning, believe in your heart that things can change. You start this change process and, believe me, it will reach out to your spouse. He or she will be affected then infected. Before long, the question of how to stop divorce will be a distant memory as you embark on your revived and happy future in marriage together.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

We all know the statistics surrounding divorce in the U.S. but that never stops us from getting married. People who get married obviously don't think divorce will happen to them. Are you facing a divorce that you don't want? You can help save your marriage right now if you are willing to follow some simple strategies.

Let me preface what I am about to tell you. I said simple, not easy! You are most likely in a very troubled frame of mind right now. When my wife told me a few years ago that she wanted a divorce, I felt a mixture of shock, anger, betrayal, hurt and fear that I can only describe as a punch like I've never felt before! You may be feeling all of these emotions right now and more. Don't worry. You can pull yourself together and save your marriage.

First of all, avoid these mistakes at all costs. If you've already done some of them, stop right now:

· Arguing with your spouse that there is no valid reason for a divorce

· Begging and pleading

· Over apologizing

· The "But I Love You" guilt trip

· Constant phone calls, texts etc

· Anger of any kind

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Instead, here is how you must proceed moving forward:

· Acknowledge your spouse's pain and reasoning for wanting the divorce (that doesn't mean you have to agree, just don't argue)

· Do not agree to move out of the house if your name is on the lease (you are under no legal obligation to do so)

· Remain calm, confident and focused

· Work on yourself to appear as rational, positive, healthy, resourceful and desirable as you can be

· Give your spouse whatever space he or she needs

The steps I just outlined for you are a very important beginning and if followed, they will set the stage for saving your marriage even if your spouse has asked for a divorce. But again they are only a beginning. There is more to be done.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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